Adorned
by Lauryn Joleigh
Summary: AU: Fitz and Olivia have known each other their whole lives. Now that they are in college will they take their relationship one step further or will they fight against their hearts' desires? Ride this ride with me and we shall see ;)
1. Chapter 1 - New Territory

**New Territory **

It was a little passed one in the morning and there was constant knocking at my front door. I knew who it was. No else would be crazy enough to knock on my door at this hour. I dragged my body out of bed, sluggishly treading out of my room, down the the hall and into the living room. When I got to the door I looked through the peephole and sure enough it was Fitz.

"Where's your key?" I asked, swinging the door wide open in nothing but a long sleeved navy blue t-shirt and white panties, but he didn't answer. He was unusually quiet and his face was like stone. That could have only meant one thing. Big Gerry must have done something foul, yet again. He stood there, mute, so I grabbed his hand and closed the door, locking it before I led him to my room. He stepped out of his sneakers before we shuffled through the hall, passing Abby's room on the way. How she was still asleep was beyond me. Abby was such a heavy sleeper, that girl could sleep through war.

When we got to my room I closed the door and began to undress him, removing his coat first to hang it in my closet. I unbuttoned his shirt tossing it in the hamper then grabbed one of the many t-shirts that I had obtained from him over the years and placed it over his head. I moved to his pants, unbuckling, unbuttoning and unzipping before pulling them down to his ankles. I lifted his feet one by one successfully removing his pants and tossed those in the hamper as well. Once he was left in just black boxers and his old gray high school Lacrosse t-shirt I led him over to my queen sized bed and sat him down before placing him beneath the covers. Normally when I had company in my bed I would put on a pair of shorts, but Fitz and I had known either other for so long, I never felt the need for such formalities. So I climbed into the bed next to him and waited for him to speak. This was our routine whenever he'd come to me this way. I would physically give him the affection he needed while also giving him emotional space. I'd allow him the time to tell me what happened when he was ready. I never pushed. I always waited. So that's what I did. Snuggled into his side, letting the closeness and warmth of my body calm him as I caressed the side of his neck.

Suddenly after what must have been five minutes he halted my hand movements. I stared at him for a few seconds then lifted my head to get a better look at his face. He looked like he was going to cry and that..._that_ had me worried. Fitz wasn't really a crier. Neither was I. We function almost robotic-like at times. When the tears started to flow and his grip on my hand began to tighten I knew it was time to ask him what was wrong.

"What it is?"

I don't know why, but that only made matters worse. He pulled me closer and began to sob into my neck. I whispered words or reassurance as I tried to get his breathing to slow down. I cradled his face and looked straight into his eyes.

"Fitz, talk to me."

"My mom..." He tried to speak but the words weren't forming. It was as if someone snuck into his brain and stole his vocabulary because all he could do was stutter; mumbling and tripping over his words. So I did something I hadn't done since we were 10 (the first time Big Gerry physically abused him) and I rolled over on top of him to get him to really see me. I took his hands and placed them over my chest so that he could feel the rhythm of my heart. I asked him to breath for me as I demonstrated, inhaling and exhaling. When he finally calmed down he opened his mouth to speak.

"She sick, Liv. She's stage four."

I froze. _Did he just say his mom is dying?_ I knew that woman my entire life. She had been my mothers best friend since they were kids. I wanted to cry, but I couldn't. If I cried, Fitz would have gone bizerk. So instead I laid with him as he continued to cry silently.

"It's okay." I whispered, not even believing myself.

The next morning, I woke up to the sound of his soft baritone voice and rigid body below mine.

"Liv." I heard him loud and clear, but I was determined to stay in bed for a little while longer.

"Livvie, get up. I know you're awake."

I grumbled, moving my face deeper into the side of his neck. I was comfortable, but knowing him he had probably been up for awhile and wanted to get out of bed. He always did wake up before me.

"Okay fine." To anyone else he would have sounded defeated, but not to me. No, he sounded like he had something up his sleeve. Before I could respond he grabbed my hips and pushed me down onto his morning erection and it made me jump. He laughed at my reaction and all I could do was pout.

"Not funny, Fitz. I was comfortable." I whined, hitting his chest and rolling off of him.

"I'm sorry, I'm hungry. You want something?" I shrugged, knowing he already knew my attitude. I was annoyed that he was messing with my sleep, but he knew I wasn't really mad.

"Okay, I'll just make you eggs and bacon." He walked out the room and I got up to go to the bathroom across the hall. Abby was in the shower singing like a crazy person. This was nothing new.

"Liv?" She called out when she heard the running water from the sink.

"Yeah." I replied squeezing the toothpaste onto my toothbrush. After a minute or so I heard the water stop then saw her reflection in the mirror as she stepped out to grab a towel off the rack.

"You okay?" She asked me as she watched me brush my teeth. I guess I sounded sad and I was. Even though Fitz woke up feeling silly, I knew it was just a front and I couldn't shake the news that he shared with me only just a few hours ago.

"Fitz is here."

"I thought I saw his shoes out there, what happened?" She wrapped herself up completely into the towel and I rinsed my mouth out, turning off the faucet.

"It's his mom." I paused. "She has cancer."

Abby's eyes widened and I looked back at my own reflection, sighing heavily.

"I'm okay." I said unconvincingly.

"Liv."

"I am, I promised." I smiled, but that wasn't real either and she knew it.

"Okay, we'll talk when you're ready." She left to go change in her room and I walked into the kitchen to see Fitz making bacon.

"Do you have class today?"

"Fitz, don't ask me questions when you already know the answers." I yawned, pulling out a pitcher of apple juice from the fridge.

"Right, it's Monday. No classes on Monday."

I took out two cups from the dishwasher and poured the juice evenly into both. Fitz was now scrambling the eggs and I took a sip as I watched the muscles in his back contract as he moved around. _When did he take his shirt off?_

_"_Liv."

"Huh?" I was startled. Why was I startled? Because I was staring. Oh my God, was I really just staring at my best friend's body?

"You okay?"

"Mhm. Fine." I reached for a plate and began to pile it with the eggs and bacon. I sat down and dug in, avoiding his gaze. I ate wondering if he noticed me staring and before the awkward energy could settle in Abby entered the kitchen.

"Fitz, you made breakfast? Is there enough for me?"

"Of course." He smiled. It was genuine, but I could still tell he was hurting.

"Liv, can you do your best friend a favor?" She cheesed grabbing bread to make a egg and bacon sandwich.

"Hey," Fitz pouted, "I'm her best friend."

"Fine," she rolled her eyes, "can you do your 'second' best friend a favor?"

"What's up?"

"I need a book for my class tomorrow but I won't be able to pick it up on time."

"I'll get it for you."

"You sure?"

"Yeah."

"Thanks, Liv! I'll text you the name. See you guys later!" Once Abby was out of the door I walked to the sink to rinse off my plate. I placed it in the dish wrack, turning off the water and when I turned around Fitz was blocking me from moving.

"Were you staring at me?"

"What?" _Shit! He did notice._

"Were you staring at me?" He repeated a little slower this time.

"No." I responded with a little too much attitude and I knew he knew I was lying. "Fitz, move."

"Why are you lying to me?"

"Fitz-"

"You were staring at my back, weren't you?"

"You wish." I rolled my eyes and he grinned, that smug grin that he'd always give me when he knew he was right. God, I hate it when he's right.

"Ugh, fine. I was staring at your back. I was in a daze, I was thinking and your back was in my line of view. So stop making it something it's not."

"Whatever you say, Livvie."

"I'm taking a shower." I shoved him so that I could leave the kitchen.

"Want me to join you?" He quipped and I gave him the finger on my way to the bathroom. _He's your friend, Olivia. You can't have him._

**_AN: So? What do you think? This is just a one shot for now, but if enough of you like it and ask for me to continue I will. Thanks for reading! Update for TTOSAL should be up by tomorrow aka Scandal Thursday ;)_**


	2. Chapter 2 - Strings Attached

**AN: You asked for it! So here you go, Chapter TWO :D**

* * *

_**Strings Attached**_

**FIVE YEARS AGO**

It was my 16th birthday and I had the biggest _Sweet Sixteen_ anyone could have ever asked for. Huge chocolate cake, ridiculously fluffy dress, thank God it was purple and not pink, and at the end of the night I had a sleepover at a hotel with some of my classmates. My parents of course only allowed it if the boys slept in a completely different room. All the girls were dressed in their pajamas as we waited for the boys to get dressed into theirs so that they could come next door to play a few board games before officially calling it a night. Once the boys entered our room Fitz pulled me to the side and asked me to meet him in the adjacent room. After telling the girls I'd be back soon, I walked through the door and saw that the lights were dim.

"Fitz?"

"Right here."

He was sitting on the bed with a small box in his hand while holding out his other hand for me to join him. I sat down beside him and looked at him quizzically.

"Open it."

He said with a smirk. When I opened it I couldn't believe my eyes. It was a piece of the Berlin Wall, an actual piece! Earlier that year his father had traveled to Germany for work and Fitz ended up staying with him (more like forced) for a week. During one of our phone calls I jokingly asked him to bring me back a piece of the wall, not really thinking he'd do it. I always wanted to hold a part of it, to feel like I had touched something that belonged to a place far from what was supposed to be home.

"Fitz, I— you really got it? You actually got it."

"Anything for you, but know you know that already." He smiled.

I smiled back and I couldn't fight my next urge. I dropped the box on the bed and grabbed his face, kissing him fully on the lips. He returned my affection by pulling me on to his lap and added his tongue. That did it for me, when I felt his tongue in my mouth I couldn't control myself anymore. I began to grind my lower half into his and bit his lip. I paused for a second to look him in the eyes. I had to be sure and if he had any sign of regret in his eyes I would not go through with what I was about to do.

"Fitz, can I ask for one more present?" He studied my face for a moment. He knew what I was asking. We talked about it briefly a few times but never acted on it.

"You really wanna do this?"

"With you, I want to do everything." I didn't realize the depth of my words in that moment but no matter how ready I was (or wasn't) to live up to them I absolutely meant it.

"It may hurt a bit. Actually, it may hurt a lot."

"I don't care." He laid me down to take his wallet out, grabbing a condom from one of the compartments.

"Someone's prepared." I giggled.

"Always." He smiled.

We made out for a long time before he moved to the lips between my legs, getting me ready. Before I knew it we were giving ourselves to one another, no longer living in the land of virgins.

**PRESENT DAY **

Night time fell upon us once again and Fitz was laying flat on his stomach as I read a book. I heard a light knock on my bedroom door which soon followed with a tired Abby popping her head into my room.

"Hey, Liv." She whispered.

"Hey, here's your book." I said placing my own in my lap. I reached over to pick up the book from my nightstand and she walked in to take it from my hand.

"How's he doing?" She said pointing at Fitz's sleeping form. I looked at him then back at her.

"He's okay. He hasn't talked about it yet. I don't think he's ready. He'll probably stay here with us for a while."

"You know that's more than okay with me." She took a second to gather her thoughts.

"Speaking of ready... you ready to talk to me?"

I sighed. "Yeah." I quietly climbed off of the mattress, careful not to wake Fitz and we walked into her room, sitting on her bed, facing one another.

"So are you still gonna act like this is completely normal?"

"Like what is?" At first I was sincerely confused by what she meant.

"Don't get me wrong, Liv. I love Fitz, too. He's a great guy and a wonderful friend, but he comes to you in the middle of the night with his problems and sleeps in your bed with you." I tried to speak, but Abby continued before I could interject. "I'm not saying that I'm uncomfortable, because I have somewhat become accustomed to the way you two work over the years, but you're in denial."

"Abby, it's not like that."

"But it is. You may not be fucking him, but we all know what you two are feeling. Not to mention that you've both been there before."

I was quiet for a while. I was aggravated that we were even having this discussion. Fitz and I hadn't gone down the dating road since we were in high school and I wasn't about to allow us to go back. Romance leads to nothing but heartache. Look at our parents. Both divorced, neither fully content with their lives. I wouldn't allow that to be me and I definitely wouldn't allow that to be us.

"Liv, say something."

"I don't know what you want me to say, Abby."

"Tell me that you love him, but you're scared. Tell me that you wish you two could work out. Shit, tell me that you just wanna be fuck buddies, anything other than what you're giving me right now."

I got up to leave. I wasn't in the mood to go into detail about what it was I was feeling.

"Okay, Liv, fine. Just forget it. At least tell me that you're okay with the cancer situation."

I stopped at the door and turned around. "I'm good. She'll be okay."

I was now being what everyone liked to call "Classic Liv". The store was closed and I wasn't tending to anymore customers. Running from my problems and pushing people away was what I was good at. It's what I do best. Picking up on my demeanor she decided to leave it alone for the time being.

"Okay, goodnight." She said defeated and I left her room to return to my own.

"Where'd you go?" I jumped at his voice as I closed my bedroom door.

"I was in Abby's room."

"Everything okay?"

"Yes, sir." I smiled a little.

"Come here." I got into the bed and he pulled me close. For a second we just stared at each other knowing what we were feeling.

"Are we gonna talk about this morning?" He smiled and I moved my face a few inches away from his.

"Are we gonna talk about last night?" I shot back. With a different guy this would have probably gotten him all worked up, but for whatever reason I keep forgetting that Fitz knows me well enough to sense when I'm just trying to avoid the inevitable.

"We can and we will, but I wanna talk about this morning first." I shifted uncomfortably wishing I could just be brave and go for what we both want, but I'm a coward. A complete and total coward.

"Livvie, please?"

"Fitz, there's nothing to talk about. We already know what's there."

"Then why are you avoiding it."

"Because it's not right."

"Who says it's not right?" I shrugged, not knowing how to respond.

"Do you love me?" He asked and I gave him an incredulous look.

"Of course, I love you. You're my best friend." It was his turn to give me a look and his expression told me that I should try again so I repeated my answer with a different tone. "Yes, Fitz, I love you."

"Do you like it when we get too friendly?" He wiggled his eyebrows and I became annoyed with him for making me laugh when I wanted to be mad.

"Yes, I like it."

"What do you like?" He now had his hand up my shirt easily cupping one of my breasts, due to the fact that I was braless. I didn't speak. I closed my eyes and fought to stay silent. I didn't want to give him the satisfaction of a moan. "Liv, what do you like?" This time he pinched my nipple and I yelped. He did it again so I finally responded.

"This, I like this." My answer was breathy and he knew he had me where he wanted me. He took his hand from my shirt and softly caressed my abdomen as he planted sweet kisses on my neck. I bit my lip and he took that as a sign to continue. I then felt his hand at the hem of my panties and before he could sneak his hand inside I grabbed it. He groaned because he was almost there. He was so close to the desired goal, but I couldn't do it. "Can we just go to sleep?" I asked, pulling away.

"Seriously?" He said looking back and forth between my face and his erection.

"Fitz, I'm sorry. I just... I can't."

"Fine, I'll take a shower." He closed the door with a little force letting me know he was upset with me and I laid back onto the bed with a huff. I wanted him to touch me. It's not like it would have been the first time (or second.. or third). I just didn't want to get caught up and confused especially with all that was going on now. I heard the shower running and I willed myself to go to sleep. I didn't want to face him once he got out.


	3. Chapter 3 - Sinking

I was running, moving, flying faster than a speeding bullet. I was trying to get to my mother. I could see her waiting for me, arms outstretched, smiling. But it seemed like the faster I ran the further she appeared. Every time she was within my reach I would lose my grip. I needed to get to her, but the task seemed completely impossible.

"Liv." I heard clearly, but it wasn't my mother's voice. "Liv." I heard again. This time only louder and I felt a hand on my shoulder shaking me. My eyes popped open and I realized that I had been dreaming all this time. My dreams about my mother always felt so real. I turned over to look at Fitz, wondering why he woke me up, it had to be like four in the morning.

"You were talking in your sleep." He explained exercising his ability to read my facial expressions.

"What was I saying?" I rubbed my eyes still feeling exhausted.

"You were calling out for your mom." He knew what I was dreaming about. I have had the same two reoccurring dreams since I was 17 years old. The first being the one where I run after her in some sort of forest and for what seems like hours, never being able to get to her. And then there's the one where I'm really little, maybe 5, and I'm in a store (maybe a mall) looking around for her. I'm calling her name, but she doesn't answer. No one does. People continue to go on about their business as if this small child isn't crying for her mommy. I never could quite figure that one out.

"Come here." He said. I scooted closer to him and he grabbed my hips in place with one hand while the arm was underneath me wrapped around my waist. He moved the hand that was on my hips to the inside of my thighs.

"Fitz—"

"Relax, Livvie. I'm just helping you go back to sleep."

He pulled me into him so I was completely engulfed by his body and placed his hand back on my hips, moving it up and down in a soothing motion. I was angry with my brain for allowing my self-conscious to bring me back to such a dark place. I hated myself for missing her. For loving her. Maybe if I loved her a little less the pain wouldn't be as great. I guess that's why relationships of any kind scare me so much. I couldn't begin to even think of what I would do with myself if I didn't have Abby and Fitz in my life, but their love scared me. It was so frightening because it reminded me of the way my mother loved me.

* * *

Sitting in my math class I couldn't concentrate. Twisting my pencil somewhat strategically in my hand as I stared at the lines on my notebook paper. It's so unlike me for my mind to be else where while I'm at school. I pride myself in being an A student with an unbeatable work ethic, but life was hitting me like a ton of bricks and I could feel me chest beginning to tighten just thinking of it all. I felt guilty for not giving in to Fitz and then I felt even worse for waking him up with my baggage only to have him be loving and caring after I had rejected him. Why? Why was he so good to me? Why could he never stay mad at me? Why, of all people, did he choose me to love? I let out a harsh sigh not realizing how loud I was until I saw Abby eyeing me.

"What is it?"

"Nothing." I sat back sinking further into my seat.

She let it go not wanting to disturb the class and we continued to work diligently on the numbers set before us.

After class, Abby and I walked to my car. We always drive to class together on Tuesdays since our schedules coincide. We hopped in the car and I could feel Abby's eyes on me as I pulled out of the parking garage.

"What?" I asked giving her a quick glance.

"Fitz told me. That your dreams are coming back."

I inhaled deeply, so very annoyed at how my best friends had been discussing my nightmares behind my back. I understood that they were concerned with my mental and emotional well being, but I wasn't their child and I prefer not to be treated as such.

"You guys seriously have to stop worrying about me."

"Sorry, Liv. Not gonna happen."

"I had one bad dream. I'm fine. I'll be fine. Fitz is who we need to be worried about."

"How's she doing?" Abby asked me cautiously.

"Fitz spoke with the doctor this morning. She's in an induced coma." I said with no emotion. I needed to be numb.

"Everything will be okay, Liv. I know it doesn't seem like it now, but everything will be okay. No matter what."

I wanted to believe her words but I couldn't help but feel like it wasn't true. After my mother died Fitz's mom was the closest thing to a mom that I had. She dressed me for prom and helped me study for my SATs. Things that my mom would have done but never got the chance to. I was grateful to have her for at least 17 years, but I still couldn't help but feel that it was unfair. She was suppose to be here. To see me off to prom. To watch me receive my diploma. To help me into my dress on my wedding day, watch me get married, be a grandmother to my children and now Fitz's mom wouldn't be here for any of those future events either and it hurt beyond measure.

* * *

When we got home Fitz was in the kitchen making dinner. When he finished preparing our meal we all sat down and ate, talking about how our days went. Once we were finished Abby and I offered to clean up, but Fitz being Fitz declined and cleaned up instead. Abby retired to bed as Fitz and I sat in the living room.

"I'm sorry." Fitz said out of nowhere and I couldn't hide the confusion in my face. I had no clue what he was apologizing for. "I'm sorry about last night. I shouldn't have touched you and I shouldn't have expected for you to wanna be touched." I studied his face and saw the guilt and regret.

"Fitz, I'm not mad at you. You have no reason to be sorry. I wanted you to touch me, it's just—"

"You're losing your mom, too. Your second mom, like I did when your mom died. You're scared and that's natural. I was being selfish and I wasn't thinking. I should have been more considerate of what you were feeling."

There he goes again, being great.

"I'm sorry too, Fitz."

"For what?"

"For being such a coward."

"Liv, you're not a coward."

"I am and you know it. For the longest time I've been stringing you along, not allowing you all the way in. _That_ is being selfish."

"It's not selfish. It's being cautious and for good reason."

"What if you die?" I blurted out in a hushed tone and Fitz gave me this look like I was breaking his heart.

"Livvie, I'm not going to die."

"Fitz, we're all going to die."

"I'm not going anywhere any time soon."

"You don't know that."

"You're right. I don't, but no matter what happens to me you're going to be fine."

"No, I won't." I said quietly, fighting the urge to cry. He moved closer to me on the couch and placed me over his lap so that I was straddling him. He cupped my face and softly spoke my name.

"Olivia, you will. You are strong. You are smart. You are beautiful. There is nothing you can't do and I believe with everything in me that you can do it alone, but you don't have to. I'm here, Liv. You have me and you have Abby. We're here."

Feeling every emotion come to the surface I leaned in to hug him tightly wishing he'd never let go. If God would allow me to stay wrapped up in his arms forever I would. Without a second thought, I would.

* * *

Lying in bed I could not turn off my mind. I thought Fitz was asleep until I heard his voice shake me out of my daze.

"What's on your mind, Carolyn?" I shot him a mean look. He knows I hate it when he calls me by my middle name. "Sorry." He chuckled. "Why are you still up?"

"I don't know." I said staring back up at the ceiling. I wasn't thinking about anything in particular, but I just couldn't get my mind or body to rest.

"You remember that time in third grade when I got my ass kicked by Brody Simpson and then you found him at recess and decked him in the face?" He laughed reminiscing about one of the many crazy moments of our childhood.

"Of course I remember, I got suspended for it." I giggled. I didn't regret getting suspended one bit, though my parents were absolutely furious, I wouldn't let anyone hurt the people I love. Ever.

"I should have been embarrassed that you fought for me, but I couldn't help but be happy about his fractured nose." He smiled turning his head to look at me.

"He bruised that pretty face." I teased turning on my side to face him, tapping him beneath his chin with my index finger. "I couldn't let him get away with that."

"And for that, I am eternally grateful."

"You're also eternally silly."

We laughed and I thought about how truly blessed I was to have Fitz in my life. No matter happens between us we'll always be the best of friends, first and foremost.

"I love you, Livvie." He said seriously after our laughter died down.

"I love you, more. From here to the end of the universe."

He pulled me close and I could tell his mind was on his mom. I knew exactly what Fitz was feeling. I know what it's like to lose a mother and realize that all of your memories will have to last a lifetime because you won't be able to make any new ones. I know what it's like to feel like the earth is swallowing you whole only to spit you right back out. I know. I get it. I held him tight for a few seconds before pulling away and kissing him soundly on the lips. His phone rang interrupting our heart to heart moment and I knew who it was the minute I saw the look on his face. Big Gerry was calling and it was late. That could have only meant one thing and I wasn't ready to hear the words. Neither of us were.


	4. Chapter 4 - Lazarus

The funeral was beautiful. If you can say that about funerals. Old friends and family came and shared their fondest memories. Some were funny and others were heartfelt and emotional. She would have liked it. It reminded me of my mother's funeral. Her favorite flowers were all around. Calla Lilies. She absolutely loved Calla Lilies. They were one of the many things she and my mom had in common. I remember how angry she was with Fitz and me one summer for messing in her garden. We couldn't have been any older than five and we pulled a few flowers out of the soil to create a bouquet and a crown for me. She came yelling until she realized what we were using them for.

**FLASHBACK**

_"Come on, Livvie." Fitz called after me to follow him into the backyard. He had just pulled a dozen Calla Lilies from the garden and was holding his hand out for me to grab. I put my hand in his and we walked over to the pond. He put the flowers down on the bench and took half of them, leaving one, as he began to make my crown, or something that resembled a crown. After all, we were only 5._

_Once it was to his liking he placed it on the top of my head and grabbed the other six, placing them in my hands. He took the one flower that he left out of the crown and broke off about a third of the stem so that he could place it in the pocket of his little checkered button up polo shirt. I dusted off my powder blue baby doll dress, shedding any sign of dirt off of the soft satin material. Fitz held my free hand and opened his mouth to speak, but we were interrupted by the sound of his mother's booming voice._

_"Fitzgerald! Olivia! Did you two go digging in my—" She stopped in front of us to take in the scene before her. "What in the world are you two doing?" Her mood shifted and she chuckled._

_"We're getting married, mommy." He said sweetly._

_"Oh yeah? And when were you going to tell the rest of us?" She asked walking closer to us._

_"We're gonna tell everybody before we leave." I answered just as sweet and innocent._

_"Leave?"_

_"We have to go on a honeymoon, mommy." She laughed when Fitz told her that. I'll never forget the way she laughed._

_"You munchkins can't get married."_

_"Why not?" He asked. She gestured for us to sit on the bench and she sat between us to explain._

_"You're both too young."_

_"We are?" I asked looking up into her warm blue eyes. The eyes she passed on to Fitz._

_"Yes. You have to be a grown up."_

_"Oh." I sounded sad and Fitz's face mirrored my voice._

_"Why do you two wanna get married, anyway?" She questioned._

_"Ryan said me and Livvie have to get married if we wanna be friends forever."_

_She smiled and held us close. "You can be friends forever no matter what! But maybe someday, when you're old enough you can get married to one another and I'll let you use all the Calla Lilies you want."_

_"Really?!" I beamed._

_"Absolutely!"_

**PRESENT DAY**

After the funeral we went back to the hotel. Fitz was quiet. He wouldn't talk and I knew he was going to cry soon. The quiet only brought on storms and he was going to blow. I walked into the master bathroom and turned on the water in the tub. The tub was placed in the middle of the room and it was large with Jacuzzi jets built in. _Nice touch, Big Gerry._ I led Fitz into the bathroom, removing his clothes before I helped him into the tub. I began to walk out and he grabbed my hand.

"Get in with me?"

I nodded my head and turned to pick up his clothes off of the marble floor to put them back in his suitcase. I bent down, getting on my knees, folding his clothes into place as I silently cried. Mentally, I reminded myself to not let Fitz see me this way. I covered my mouth and allowed myself to quietly sob for a moment. To feel the weight the world crushing my shoulders.

"Liv." I heard him call and I quickly wiped my tears as I stood up to remove my clothes. I walked into the bathroom fully bare and climbed the two flat steps surrounding the tub before getting in. I settled myself and rested my back against his chest. He wrapped his arms around my waist and kissed my shoulder. I felt his chest move up and down as his breathing became erratic and I could tell that he was already crying. I intertwined my fingers with his and allowed him to let it out. I moved to look at his crying face and kissed every tear that I could reach.

"She's at peace now." I said, telling him the same thing he told me when my mother died and just as I did, he believed me. Fitz, of course felt sad knowing he'd never see her again but he was happy believing that she's home because that's what our mothers taught us. _To be absent from the body is to be present with the Lord._ And that's where they were now. Together.

* * *

Fitz and I walked through the doors of his childhood home and entered the study to see Big Gerry already seated. He greeted us with a nod. He never was a very affectionate man. Fitz and I sat down as the lawyer began to read off of her will. As he spoke Fitz and I held hands and I looked over to see Big Gerry looking off into the distance.

Though they had been divorced for some time now, I knew he still loved her. In his own way, he still loved her. After stating that she had left us a considerable amount of money, which wasn't surprising because we knew about the plan that she and my mother had, the lawyer handed us a box asking us to open it together in private. We nodded and I took the box. Gerry told us that he was going to go home and gave us a copy set of keys saying that we didn't have to leave right away.

Fitz and I took a stroll along the pond passing his mother's garden. We sat on the bench and decided to open the box. I sat it on my lap and slowly lifted the lid. There was a letter and a sack of something underneath. I opened the letter and it was addressed to both Fitz and me.

_Olivia and Fitz. You are my only children. Livvie, your mother and I had been friends since we were 11 years old and we vowed that from then on that we would raise our children together. We also vowed that if something were to ever happen to one of us that we would take care of the others child. I kept my promise and Livvie; you are the daughter I never had. I love you as equally as my own son. Thank you for making him happy. Keep making him happy and Fitz, you do the same for her. Continue to love each other the way that you do. In this box is my gift to you both. Sometime ago I promised you something and though it may be a little early for you to receive them God is calling me home.  
_  
_p.s. Enjoy them and don't let your future children mess in your new garden. My house is yours.  
_  
I gave Fitz a quizzical expression. Did she really give us the house? Is that why Gerry gave us keys? I opened up the sack and immediately covered my mouth when I saw them.

"Fitz, look!" I opened up the sack wider so that he could see what was inside.

"They're seeds."

"Calla Lily seeds." I whispered as if saying it any louder would make them disappear.

"Well, I guess we have to get married now."

I laughed and cried simultaneously and he did the same. We looked down at the Calla Lilies then at each other and kissed one another lightly.

"Marry me."

"What?" I asked. Of course I heard him, but I needed him to say it again.

"Marry me. Let's plant these and when they grow let's get married."

"Fitz—"

"Olivia, our lives have taken so many wrong turns, I don't wanna wait. Let's just do it, Liv! There's nothing I'd rather do more. No more hiding, no more running."

I looked back down at the seeds then around us remembering the many years we shared in this very spot. I looked into his eyes and rested my forehead against his.

"Yes." I whispered.

"Yes?" He grabbed my face.

"Yes." Now we were crying. Tears of sadness for the morbid truth of never having our mothers here to experience this next step in our lives. They're never going to meet our children or teach them how to bake cookies and other sweets that will have them bouncing off the walls. They won't be here to spoil them or tell them embarrassing stories about us. They're gone, never to return. But we also cried tears of happiness because we're still here. To carry on their legacy. To tell the stories they would have told. We were stepping out on faith and into love.

"I love you so much." He kissed my face multiple times before landing on my lips and it was passionate. It wasn't rushed and it wasn't sloppy. It was slow and full of love. So much love. And we needed it. We were breathing life into each other and it was in that moment that we resurrected. Rising once again.


	5. Chapter 5 - Push

**AN: I need some of you guys to have faith in where I'm going with this ;)**

_**THREE YEARS AGO**_

_It was a Saturday night at __Fonteyn's __the best ice cream shop in the city. It was the "it" place for teens to go, so there we were. Fitz was sitting opposite of me eating his favorite, pistachio. I always thought my favorite to be quite bland and not special at all, but Fitz never made me feel that way about it. Telling me:_

_"I always thought it was cute that Vanilla's your favorite."_

_"Yeah?" I asked scooping up some of the sweetness in my small spoon before dipping it into my mouth. _

_"Yeah. It's special, like you. Like the fact that Vanilla is the only fruit-bearing member of the orchard family."_

_I giggled at his knowledge of the flavor. Fitz always knew random facts about things. All he did was read. My reading taste, however, has always been a bit more singular. Sticking to things like poetry and philosophy. _

_"It's true." He said looking at me adoringly. It was in that moment that I knew I had to ask this question._

_"Fitz?"_

_"Yeah?" He said swallowing a spoon full of his frozen treat while never taking his eyes off of me._

_"Are you in love with me?"_

_That's when he laughed. At first, crushing my soul, thinking that maybe I'm just his first. A trial girlfriend, because we've known one another forever, he wanted to test this whole thing out with me. But then he grabbed my hand and looked me in the eyes and said:_

_"Isn't it obvious?"_

_"Well, I—"_

_"Needed to hear it?"_

_I nodded yes._

_"Olivia Carolyn Pope, I am completely, absolutely, helplessly, deeply and desperately in love with you." _

_Now it was my turn to laugh. "Wow, you didn't have to be so dramatic."_

_"Well, it's—"_

_"True," I finished for him, "I know. I'm in love with you, too."_

_He grinned and kissed the palm of my hand. "I know."_

_We continued to eat our ice cream as we probably annoyed any passerby with our shared glances and googly eyes. But we didn't care. We were all we cared about in that moment._

**PRESENT DAY**

"So you guys are really doing this?" Abby asked as she helped me search for wedding gowns on the web.

"We're really doing this."

"Wow, you guys are finally doing this." I whipped my head to the left to look at her.

"Finally? Abby, we're only 21. You don't think that we're the least bit crazy?" I asked looking for affirmation.

"Romeo and Juliet weren't crazy. They were in love." She smiled. "Besides, you two have known each other forever, literally."

Or course Abby would be behind our decision. She's known us since our junior year of high school and understands us better than most. She's the one always reminding me of what we had back then and how I'm always screwing it up because of my stupid fears. Abby believes in us. Just like our moms did.

"What do you think of this one?" I pointed to a white baby doll dress. It was strapless and the brazier was beaded. The back was laced up by a powder blue ribbon.

"It's perfect."

* * *

"You don't even live here and look at how many clothes of yours are here." I said as Fitz helped me separate the laundry.

Fitz chuckled. "My roommate asked me if I was gradually moving out."

"I would think that too if I was him."

"So..." He started to say and I knew what he was going to ask. "Have you looked at dresses?"

"Yes, sir, I have." He smiled one of his goofy smiles and I shook my head, laughing.

"We're actually doing this."

I sighed. "Aren't you scared?"

"Liv, don't do this."

"I'm not doing anything."

"You're backing out."

"I'm not backing out, Fitz. We're just talking."

"Of course I'm scared. We're young, we haven't finished school yet, but there is no one else on earth I would rather be scared with."

I felt the same way. I swear I did, but I couldn't stop myself from getting inside of my head.

"What if we mess up?"

"We're going to mess up. We're human. But we won't give up. Anything good is worth fighting for."

I stood there biting my lip, fidgeting with a pair of pants. My heart was so sure but my brain was doing everything it could to protect it.

"Olivia," I looked up at him as he removed the item of clothing from my hands and held my face in his. "we are not our parents." And there it was. The truth of it all. My greatest fear revealed.

"Can we just finish this and watch a movie? I don't wanna talk about this anymore."

He smiled and brushed his thumb against the apple of my cheek.

"Sure thing, beautiful."

* * *

"Fitz, stop." We were cuddled up in my room watching _Bridesmaids_ and Fitz had been trying to get into my panties for the past 5 minutes.

"What?"

"You know what."

"I'm just trying to get close to my fiancé." _Fiancé, whoa, that's me isn't it?_

"Mr. Grant, you're trying to touch me inappropriately and I don't appreciate it."

He cupped my breasts through my shirt and I wasn't wearing a bra so I knew he could feel my pert nipples through the thin material.

"Seems like your body disagrees."

"Seriously, Fitz. I wanna wait."

"For what?" He asked, nibbling on my ear.

"Our wedding night."

All of his movements came to a halt and he moved a few inches from my face to look at me.

"Are you serious?"

"Yes."

"Liv, what am I supposed to do with this?" He pointed to his forming erection.

"Your hands aren't broken."

"Really, Liv?"

"Need I remind you that just because your mood is more obvious than mine doesn't mean I'm not horny too."

"So then let's solve the problem." He held my hips into place grinding into my backside and this time I halted all movement.

"I need this, Fitz." I didn't have to explain. He understood what I was saying. If we were going to really do this, really be together, I needed to know that sex wasn't a huge deal. Yes it's a big part of what makes a relationship, but with everything that we've seen our parents go through I needed to know that we were stronger than that. Than them.

"Ugh, fine." He buried his face in my neck, taking deep breaths and I knew that he was trying to calm his body. I giggled when he gripped the hem of my shirt and he pinched my nipple.

"Ouch!"

"Don't laugh, erections are painful when they're left untouched. My testicles are taking a hit because you wanna be a good girl."

"I'm sorry." I leaned in to kiss his neck.

"Not helping." I made an _oops _face and he got up to move.

"Where are you going?"

"To relieve the pain." He walked into the bathroom and I imagined his face as he masturbated. I only caught him doing it once and we were 12 at the time. We were both so embarrassed and didn't look each other in the eye for about a week. I felt a dull ache between my thighs and I squeezed them together trying to fight my own need for friction.

A few minutes later I heard the door open and close as my thighs remained rubbing and my face stayed buried into my pillow.

"You know, you could have solved your own problem while I was in there solving mine." He chuckled.

I popped my head up from the pillow and blushed. "I'm fine."

"Are you sure? Because I can leave the room of you wanna..."

"No really, just come back over here and hold me."

He climbed back into the bed, pulling me to his chest as we finished watching the movie. We were quiet for a few minutes until he pulled away from me to get my attention and I turned slightly to meet his gaze.

"What?"

"Have even done it before?" I furrowed my brows and he continued. "You know, have you ever touched yourself?"

I turned my face back towards the TV, embarrassed by his question and he caught my chin, making me face him again.

"Hey, don't be shy. We're planning on spending the rest of our lives with each other and we have to learn how to talk about these things."

I averted his gaze again and shook my head _no._

"Why not?"

"I don't know. I've always felt weird about it."

He was quiet for a while and I turned my head to see his face.

"Give me your hand."

I hesitated for a bit but did what he asked as I knew he would just keep asking until I did. He took my hand into his and headed towards my panties.

"Fitz—"

"This is about you. Just trust me."

We landed inside of the silky material and I gasped when I felt my middle finger against my throbbing clitoris. He began moving my fingers against myself and I tensed up.

"Relax, Livvie. Pretend you're alone, like you're doing this by yourself."

I closed my eyes feeling my own fingers as he continued to help me please myself. After a minute he slowly let go and I was still going at it. I was grinding against my fingers, moaning at the wonderful sensation and I could feel my release nearing. I sped up my fingers and came shortly after, moving against my fingers until my body stopped shaking. When I came down from my small high I opened my eyes and slowly turned my entire body to see Fitz grinning at me. I pressed my forehead into his chest and groaned.

"I can't believe I just did that."

He chuckled. "It was sexy."

I lifted my head, looking into his eyes. "Really?"

"It took every ounce of my self-control not to get hard again."

I giggled then smiled. "Thank you."

"For what?" He brushed my curls out of my face.

"For always forcing me to face my fears, even silly ones like masturbation." I giggled again.

"I'll never let anyone hold you back. Especially not yourself. I'll always be here to encourage and support you."

"I know." I kissed his cheek. "You know I'll do the same right?"

"I do." He smiled making me smile in return.

"Good."


	6. Chapter 6 - Baby Steps

**AN: Okay, so this is a bit short, but I promise. I'll have more for you. So much more **

"When are you two going back to California?" Abby asked as we sat on my bed eating popcorn and rotted our brains watching reality TV. Fitz and I were transferring schools so that could we move into the home his mother passed on to us and begin planting the Calla Lilies for the wedding. Abby assumed we'd just be leaving her to find another roommate.

"You mean when all three of us are going?" Abby squinted her eyes and pursed her lips, making me chuckle.

"Liv, what are you talking about?"

"Well, I mean that house is _so_ big. Too big for just two people. Unless of course you don't wanna leave cold Connecticut for Sunny LA. We'll understand."

Abby squealed and I laughed at her excitement.

"Are you serious?!"

"Very."

"I don't know. You guys are getting married. I don't wanna get in the way."

"Abby, we love you. You won't get in the way. Besides it's like he's been living here with us and this place is much smaller than the house."

"That's true." Laughing we pulled one another in a hug. "Are you sure?" Abby whispered into my hair.

"I wouldn't even dream of leaving you here. We want you with us." Abby's the closest thing I have to a sister. How can I leave my sister? There's no way.

"What are we gonna do for school?" She questioned as we pulled out of our hug.

"Fitz and I are going to apply to USC and a few other schools in the area, so if this is really what you want..." I dragged.

"I'll apply to the same schools." She replied eagerly.

"Okay." We smiled and held hands as Fitz entered the bedroom. We looked up at him as he came closer.

"I take it you told Abby?"

"Yes, I did."

"We're going home, ladies." He said simply and we felt the change in our hearts at the word _home_.

* * *

The three of us spent the week packing everything that we could to get it all shipped to the house in Bel-Air. Seeing as how it was now April and we would be done at Yale by the next month we only kept everyday essentials at the apartment and we decided to leave the furniture in Connecticut because the house already had everything we would need.

Finally feeling brave, after days of working up the courage, I decided to call my father. I used to be daddy's little girl, but we stopped speaking shortly after my mother died. Her death changed him. It nearly destroyed him, destroying what little left of a family we had. Now, more than ever, I really needed him. _He has to walk me down the aisle, _I continued to tell myself. I need him to be there for his future grandchildren. Most of all, I need him to be there for me and for Fitz. I want to make us right again.

The phone rang three times before I heard his deep, powerful voice.

"Hello?"

"Dad." I somewhat whispered.

"Olivia?"

"Hi, how are you?"

"Is everything alright?" I guess he asked that because we hadn't spoken by phone in almost a year. Horrible, but true.

"Everything's fine, dad. I just... I need to ask you something." He stayed silent and I took that as my cue to continue.

"I'm getting married." I spoke softly, afraid to hear his response. I was met with more silence, but before I could continue I heard him speak.

"To Fitzgerald, I presume?"

"Yes."

"And you want me to walk you down the aisle?"

"Yes."

"Okay."

"Okay?"

"You're my daughter, Olivia. Did you think I would say no?"

"I don't know. We haven't talked in so long and nothing's been the same since mom..."

"We'll just have to fix that then, now won't we?"

I knew he was smiling, I could tell by the inflection in his voice and it make my heart soar.

"Thank you."

* * *

"Wait; let me get this straight, you and Fitz are abstaining from sex until your wedding night?"

"Yes." I rolled my eyes.

Abby started to laugh and I frowned, folding my arms at my chest, offended that she found it humorous. We were cooking dinner for the night while Fitz was out. Doing what? No clue. He wouldn't tell me.

"I'm sorry, Liv but I would hate to be him right now."

"It won't be that bad! We'll be married before we know it."

"I still think Fitz is going to struggle. You could at least give him a little something."

"No, Abby. I want us to stick to this. No touching."

"What about kissing?"

"Kissing is okay."

"You'll have to pull him off of you with pliers." She joked and I still was not amused.

"Okay, I'm sorry. No more jokes. I support you."

"Thank you."

"So where'd he go?"

"I don't know." I whined. I really wanted to know what Fitz was up to.

"I think I know."

"Where?!"

"Can't tell you."

"Ugh! I hate you both!"

"Oh stop, just be patient. You'll see soon." She winked and it made me angrier.

"Liv." I heard Fitz calling from the front door and I jumped out of the stool. Abby laughed when I tripped on my way out of the kitchen.

"Yes?"

"Come here." He smiled sweetly. I twisted the bottom of my shirt nervously and sat down on the couch as he sat on the ottoman facing me.

"I know I already asked and you already said yes, but I had to do it right." He took out a small black box and when he opened it there was a beautiful diamond ring. It wasn't anything dramatic or intricate, but it was still obviously very expensive. The circular diamond was beautiful with smaller ones trailing the band.

"Oh my God! Fitz, you didn't have to. I would have been fine with this." I wiggled my finger, pointing out the ring I had been wearing since I was 13 years old. Fitz got it for me on my birthday and it was his promise to always protect me. Though the ring was much smaller and less expensive, it meant so much to me.

"Nonsense, we're switching that to your right hand and this baby is going on your left."

He removed my promise ring placing it on my right ring finger before taking my new engagement ring out of the box and putting in on my left. I lifted my hand and watched it twinkle in the light.

"Thank you, Fitz, I love it. Almost as much as I love you."

"It's okay. You don't have to spare my feelings. I know you love it more."

"Maybe just a little." I giggled pecking his soft small lips.

"Now it's official. Very soon, you are going to be Mrs. Grant."

"And I'm going to rub my ring in everybody's faces on campus as a formal goodbye." I stuck my tongue out and he laughed at me as I ran back into the kitchen to show Abby my ring so that we could drool over it together.


	7. Chapter 7 - Temptation & Growth

**AN: Obviously people need to constantly be addressed lol**

**1\. Don't worry about Mellie, I don't know who that is lol (She has a place on Scandal but never will she have a place in my fanfic).**

**2\. USC is a great school. Sure it's no Yale but USC is a great school. I am an artsy person and these characters are always going to have artsy (or science, I love science) careers. So USC is a great school for the arts. Besides USC is just one school of the many they applied to. No one knows where they're going to be transferring to just yet. **

**3\. Once again, if you don't like my stories skip to the next ff like I do. I don't waste my time commenting. That's a good 2 minutes of my life I'll never get back and I wouldn't dream of wasting the precious time God has blessed me with. **

**4\. To all the UH-MAY-ZING people who enjoy my stories and share **_**proper**_** criticism, I thank you! You are greatly appreciated :)**

**Now enjoy this new chapter ;)**

Awkward is not the word. I'm not quite sure how to explain the dinner I had with both Fitz and my father. My dad flew into Connecticut so that we could begin our journey onto becoming a better family and we went to a local restaurant in the downtown New Haven area. My dad was a little uncomfortable. Though he obviously has known Fitz since he was a little boy, I don't think he's ever been truly comfortable with knowing that someone has such a hold on his little girl. Especially after finding out about the "present" I got on my sixteenth birthday.

My mother was a bit perturbed with me, but my father went ballistic. Yelling and threatening to kill Fitz. Of course he wasn't going to really kill him but I'm sure if my mom let him, he would have gotten in a few good punches. I wasn't allowed to see Fitz for about two weeks after that, but with much coaxing from my mom, my dad caved and let us see one another again. With strict rules. Rules that we bent and broke, nonetheless.

"Fitzgerald," my father began, "I haven't spoken with you in a few years. It's good to see you."

"It's good to see you too, sir. I'm so glad that you came. I know I should have called to ask for Olivia's hand in marriage, I know how old fashioned you are." Fitz was rambling, stumbling over his words and I placed my hand on his shoulder to slow him down. He was nervous and I understood why, but nothing about what we were doing was conventional. My dad began to chuckle and I could feel Fitz's muscles relax at the sound.

"It's alright, son. I know your heart. That's all that matters." I was so surprised by my dads attitude. He isn't mean, but he's usually much less lackadaisical than this. My first instinct was to think that something must be wrong, but I hoped and prayed that I wasn't right.

"Thank you, sir. That means a lot."

"Have you two decided on a place to marry?"

"We were thinking about the church mom and Ms. Eileen used to bring us to." Fitz's mom and my mom used to bring us to a Pentecostal church every Sunday, growing up. It was something I looked forward to every weekend, but since my mom's death I kind of lost my way. At this point, I was ready to strengthen my spirituality and to me that meant starting fresh and new. With my dad, with Fitz, with myself and most importantly, with God.

"I think that's a wonderful idea. You're mother would love that. Both of your mothers." He paused to look at Fitz. "I'm was so sorry to hear about Eileen. She was the closest thing to a sister Maya had. Such a sweet woman and she'll be greatly missed."

"Thank you." Fitz smiled sadly. He still wasn't used to talking about her in this way and I didn't have the heart to tell him that though it gets easier in some ways, it will never feel right.

* * *

"Abby, I don't want a bachelorette party." I told Abby as we walked around campus.

"Why?"

"It's stupid."

"Liv, you're 21 and you're getting married. You have to have at least have one man shake his junk in your face before you make that step."

I twisted my face in disgust at the thought of a man jiggling his scantily clad member in front of me. I'm not a party girl and I'm not a fan of greasy half naked men putting on a show for a bunch of desperate howling women.

"Is Fitz having a bachelor party?" She interrupted my thoughts.

"I don't know, I think he said that the guys want to do something for him, but I don't think he's very comfortable with the idea either."

"Wrong, he just doesn't wanna tell you that he wants to watch bare breasted women balance fire between their ass cheeks while licking whipped cream off of their nipples."

"That was very detailed, Abby. Care to share something with me that I don't know?" I was amused by her description of what supposedly goes on at a female strip club.

"You know everything you need to know, Ms. Pope."

"Mhm."

"Just let me throw you a party. Please." She begged as we took a seat on one of the benches.

"Okay, fine, whatever."

"You'll love it. I promise. Now, let's talk about these bridesmaids dresses—"

"Abby, I'm not lowering the neckline, get over it."

"Just by one inch!"

"No. I'm not compromising on this. It's bad enough there's even a neckline that shows cleavage at all."

"You're no fun, Olivia."

"We're going to be in church, Abigail." I said mimicking her with the use my full name.

"God knows we have tits, he made us!"

"Abby, just stop." I laughed. I'm glad she's coming with us to LA I don't think I could quite function without her foolishness.

"Okay, well, what about the color?"

"I'm not changing the color."

"What about the heels I picked out?"

"Not happening." I giggled. Oh how I admired Abby for her persistence.

* * *

I was in the kitchen putting pots and plates into the dishwasher when I heard Fitz wake up from his nap. Abby was in class, leaving us alone. I was so nervous to be alone with him. It's gotten harder and harder to keep our hand off of each other and every time I felt him touch me he was secretly breaking me down. I bent over to put a fork in one of the holders when Fitz entered the room and I knew it was a mistake to have my ass in the air. Before I could straighten my spine I felt him grab my hips.

"Is this an invite?" He joked and I shoved him.

"Stop, Fitz."

My attitude must of have taken him by surprise because he furrowed his brows and backed up like I hurt his feelings.

"I'm sorry." I reached for his face but it was his turn to reject me.

"Liv, I know that you wanna wait but I feel like your pushing me away."

"You know that's not true."

"That's how it feels."

"Why, because I won't let you fuck me?"

I raised my voice and immediately regretted it afterwards. I leaned into the counter with my head in my hands as soft cries shook my body. I felt him wrap himself around my body instantly putting me at ease.

"I don't know what's wrong with me." I whispered.

"Don't, you're fine. I shouldn't play around like that, I'm sorry."

"No, you didn't do anything wrong. I'm just putting a lot of pressure on myself right now."

"Maybe I should go back to my apartment, I'm sure Darrel's lonely." He chuckled. Darrel, his roommate, was probably (most definitely) not lonely. With Fitz gone he could do whatever he wanted without complaint.

"I'm sure he's not."

"Seriously, Liv. If you need me to give you your space I will. Whatever you feel you need I will give you." We moved out of one another's embrace so that I could turn around.

"I don't want you to be mad or think that I don't want to be with you."

"I don't think that. It's just a slight blow to my ego, that's all." I looked at him, exasperated that I was being so difficult.

"Livvie, it's okay. Just tell me what you need." I looked down at my feet, concentrating on my Turquoise &amp; Caicos Essie painted toe nails as my mind moved in circles.

"I think..." I started slowly. "Maybe you should go back to your apartment for a little while."

"I can do that. I'll leave tonight." I pushed my lips together still looking down and he tugged at my hand to get my attention.

"I'm not mad, I promise." I did my best to smile but it only came out sad and forced. He pulled my arm and hugged me tight, kissing me on top of my head. No matter what, he would always have the ability to make me feel loved.

* * *

Tossing and turning I looked around my room and grabbed my phone from underneath my pillow to see the time and it was well passed midnight. I knew this would happen. I chastised myself for getting so comfortable with Fitz's body so close to mine in the late night hours. This was ridiculous. I have slept many nights without him by my side but I had become so dependent on him and it pissed me off to no end.

I stood up, traveling to Abby's room and cracked the door open about an inch wide and when it squeaked I heard her grumble for me to come in. She reached behind her back to lift the comforter, allowing me to slip into the bed with her. She turned over to study my face deeply inhaling then exhaling.

"Can't sleep without him?"

I shook my head from side to side and she kissed my forehead.

"Stay strong, grasshopper. You'll be alright. Just remember that you're doing this for a reason. It will all be worth it in the end." I nodded my head and she pinched my nose making me smile. She grabbed my hands and I snuggled into her side, grateful for the sister God sent me.

* * *

The next morning my dad called to take me out on an impromptu shopping trip before boarding his plane back to LA. He knew I wasn't really big on shopping but I did, however, always have a thing for shoes and jewelry. We walked into a huge DSW and headed straight for the heels. I stacked up on shoes as my dad carried anything that I couldn't. We walked over to some chairs and placed the shoes on the floor as we sat down so that I could try on the shoes. The first pair that I picked up were suede periwinkle purple five inch heels. The design was complex and the material appeared to have been woven together.

"Those are nice." I giggled at my dads attempt to be interested in the designer stilts.

"How's life dad?" I asked, changing the subject to something he could actually stomach.

"Great. Everything at the firm has been running smoothly." My dad had been a senior partner at one of the biggest law firms in Los Angeles for years and though he didn't talk about it much it was something he was very proud of.

"That's good. Are you still collecting?" Not many knew that my dad collected antique horses. Some were extremely pricey and made of things like glass and marble while others were made of wood.

"I am, I actually just found an old horse made from rosewood. It's beautiful."

"I'd love to see it, dad." I moved on to the next pair of shoes, black boots with silver buckles and chains on the side. I slipped them on my feet, zipping them up to test them out. I began walking and realized I liked the boots better off than on. My face bunched up into an expression that displayed my dislike and my dad chuckled.

"What?"

"You're mother used to make the same face."

Blushing, I giggled. "She did, didn't she?"

"You're so much like her."

"I remember how annoyed she'd get when you would say that." I said, reminiscing as I sat down to remove the boots. I actually found it to be pretty amusing at how agitated my mom would get.

"Because she knew how true it was. Maya was strong willed and sometimes difficult to handle, but she was nothing short of amazing."

I smiled briefly before falling into sadness. "I miss her."

"I miss her, too." We sat quiet for a little while longer before settling into more upbeat conversation. I continued to try on shoes as my dad and I reconnected. It was like the old days, but better. Because these days were new. Brand new.


	8. Chapter 8 - Courtship

I was bored. Bored and horny. I picked up a book from my shelf in hopes of ignoring the tingling in my clitoris. Yes, my clitoris was _throbbing_. I knew I could get rid of the feeling but I usually had Fitz here to relieve it. I was now aware of how much I depended on him. Not even just for physical needs, but practically everything else as well. Like the other night when I was doing homework. Usually Fitz and I would help each other. If we had a paper to write, we would review it together and critique it, making sure that it was the best it could be. Always wanting the other to reach their full potential. But he wasn't there to help me. Sure, I had Abby, who I was of course grateful for, but I missed it being Fitz. And sure we'd still talk on the phone, but I wish I would have never told him that I needed this space. How could I feel so claustrophobic with all of this space? I knew it was for the best, but I really hated it.

There I was, lying on top of my comforter, reading a book of poetry trying to think away the throbbing. And though it was in no way helping, it was something to do because truthfully, masturbation scared me. When Fitz had practically forced me (for the first time) to pleasure myself I was freaked. I was only able to do it through my fears because he was by my side. It was Fitz who fought dragons while I sat waiting at the top of the tower, but I was slowing learning to slay all of the monsters on my own. I would always have Fitz, for as long as God would allow, but it was important for me to know that I could do things on my own. I _needed_ to be able to do things on my own.

So with a couple of deep breaths I closed my book, tucking it underneath my pillow and turned around to lie on my tummy. This was still very new to me and quite honestly the feeling of my lady bits against my fingertips sort of put me on edge. To accommodate, I wedged my hand between my pjs and my panties and began to rub my bundle of nerves over the material. I closed my eyes with my head resting on my free hand, over my pillow and fantasized that it was Fitz touching me. I could feel my body relaxing as it became more accustomed to this act of taboo and soon I was grinding on my fingers.

I took my bottom lip into my mouth, muffling whatever sounds tried to escape. It felt good, really good. Good enough to suppress the throbbing, but not as good as it would have felt had it been Fitz's hand. Or his lips. Or his tongue. Or his pretty pink cock. Yes. I said pretty pink cock. Because that's just what it was. The most beautiful penis I had ever seen. Granted it was the only penis I had ever seen up close instead of in a dirty magazine or in an adult film, but I was positive that no other penis could hold a candle to his. My eyes shut tight as I thought of Fitz wrapping his tongue around my warm sensitive flesh and I could feel my orgasm working its way through my body so I pressed my hand more firmly into myself then—

*knock knock*

I groaned as my whole body paused.

"Liv." I heard Abby calling. I so badly wanted to yell at her. I was so close to a release. Why couldn't she have knocked on my door just a minute later?

"What?" I knew I sounded annoyed and I didn't care.

"You okay? You're really quiet in there."

"I'm fine. Reading." I slowly removed my hand from my pajamas and sat up against my headboard. The mood was definitely ruined.

"Okay. Just checking." I heard Abby shuffle through the hall to her room and my head fell back in frustration. I was reaching for my book when I heard my phone buzz next to it.

"Hey." I answered with agitation still fresh in my voice.

"What's wrong?" Fitz asked, concern etched in his own.

"Nothing."

"You know I hate that." He was referring to my lack of communication. I had gotten a little better over the years, but I still had my moments.

"Abby, knocked on my door."

"Yeah?" He said expectantly, knowing there'd be more.

"She—interrupted me."

"What were you doing?" I stayed silent, not exactly willing to confess to my fiancé that I was 'jerking off'.

"Livvie…"

"I was, um, horny so I—" I was cut off by his laughter and I immediately grew embarrassed.

"I'm sorry; I'm not laughing at you. Well, I am, but not for the reason you think. It's just so cute how bashful you are about masturbation. It's fine to touch yourself, Livvie. I do it. Especially lately."

I groaned. "I was so close to coming then she knocked on my door saying I was too quiet and wanted to see if I was okay."

"You were quiet?" He was probably smirking and wanted to say something smart. I'm not exactly loud, but I'm never quiet.

"I was biting down on my lip; I didn't want her to hear me moan. That's more embarrassing than this conversation." I laughed, feeling a little less mortified.

"It's really okay, Liv. No need to be ashamed."

"I'm not ashamed." It came out defensive and he chuckled which made me giggle because we both knew it was a lie. "Okay, maybe I am, but I'm really trying not to be." I sighed, listening to him shift his weight on his bed.

"Uh, I called you for a reason, but you and your naughty fingers distracted me." I grinned at his playful accusatory tone. "Ah yes, I called to ask if you wanted to get out of the apartment for a while."

"To do?"

"You'll see."

"Fitz." I whined. Why must he torture me so? I don't like being surprised. I am a person of order and preparation and you can't prepare yourself for something when you haven't been properly informed.

"Stop being such a brat, babe." _Babe_. That word made me smile. Other than Livvie, he didn't use terms of endearment often, so when he did it felt special.

"Okay." Sighing, I let him continue.

"Get ready, I'll be there in about an hour."

* * *

I was sitting in the living room, waiting to be whisked away by my prince. Abby was in the kitchen and I could hear her on the phone with her mom. I smiled as she seemed to be assuring her mother that school was fine and that she was doing well. It made me sad sometimes to listen to them speak. I missed my mother immensely in those moments. Taking me out of the daze I settled in, I heard light knocking and got up to answer it. When I opened the door Fitz was standing there wearing a smile accompanied by a brown leather jacket, light blue polo, dark jeans and what looked to new dress shoes. My hair was in it's natural curly state sitting in a big bun at the top of my head with some curls framing my face. My makeup was light and I had on silver hoops wearing a simple black long sleeved shirt, boyfriend jeans and my black wedges. He was holding flowers. Sunflowers. Not many people knew that I actually wasn't really fond of flowers, but Sunflowers and Calla Lilies were exceptions to that rule simply because of the memories they held. He extended the flowers and I took them.

"Thank you." I beamed. "Wait right here. I'm gonna give them to Abby so that she can put them in some water." I went into the kitchen to see Abby dancing to whatever was playing on her phone.

"Abbs." I spoke loudly so that she could hear me, startling her a bit as I slipped on my black leather jacket.

"What's up?" She grabbed her phone, pausing the upbeat tune.

"Put these in a vase for me?"

"Sure."

"K, thanks. I'll be back later."

"Midnight."

"What?"

"That's your curfew. And it is now," She checked her phone for the time, "7:06"

I giggled and Abby's face remained serious.

"You're joking right?"

"Liv, you asked me to help make sure you stuck to this whole no sex thing."

"This is you helping me? Giving me a curfew?"

"You don't have to do what I say, but I don't think it's wise for you two to be out late if you're trying to avoid getting freaky."

I rolled my eyes. "Fine, I guess. Whatever."

"Have fun!" She shouted as I made my way back into the living room to see Fitz sitting on the couch.

"Apparently, I have a curfew." I told him, slightly annoyed with both myself and Abby.

He smiled. "I know. Abby threatened that if I didn't have you home by midnight she'd call your dad."

"Great. That's just great." I plopped down on the couch and Fitz moved closer to me.

"It's not that bad, Livvie."

"This is stupid, Fitz. Why didn't you tell me how stupid this idea was?"

"Because it's not stupid. You're just frustrated. You made this choice for a reason. I may not know exactly why, but I can make a few guesses and I get it. It's important for us to do this right and in your mind this is the way to do it. We're going to have fun tonight. Clean, innocent fun. You're going to forget all about everything else and you're going to smile, that amazing heart melting, show stopping, lifesaving, devastatingly beautiful smile."

I shook my head giving him a preview of said smile. I was amused by his silliness. Oh, how I would never get tired of it.

"Let's go." He pulled me up and we left the apartment hand in hand. When we got outside I saw a horse and buggy. My eyebrows met as I looked up at Fitz.

"Your chariot awaits, my lady."

"Fitz, you didn't. This is ours?" I asked in amazement, pointing to the carriage.

"This is just the beginning, Livvie." He led me up onto the seat of the carriage and I smiled widely as we began to move through the city. Still holding hands, I leaned into him laying my head on his shoulder and it dawned on me. He was courting me. As if he had to win my heart all over again. And perhaps in some ways he did. I was bursting on the inside; feeling flutters against the lining of my stomach. I had the classic case of butterflies and for once it didn't make me feel sick. It made me feel loved.

**A/N: This story has really grown on me and it tugs at my heart. I hope you all enjoyed this chapter!**


	9. Chapter 9 - Caramel Candied Apples

**A/N: I know I do a lot of fluff for this story, but don't get used to it for too long. Enjoy it while it lasts *maniacal laughter* :)**

"So where are we going?" I asked casually, smiling, thinking my tone will trick him into telling me without realizing. I knew I was wrong once he started to laugh. Had to try.

"It's killing you isn't it, miss I have an itinerary for everything I do?" I lightly slapped his shoulder for making fun of me. I'm not that bad. At least I don't think so.

"Come on, no hints?"

"Nope, just enjoy the ride." I pouted, intertwining our fingers again and laying my head back on his shoulder.

"Fine," I huffed "I wish we were having sex."

"Why?"

"I'd have something to threaten you with and then you'd tell me where we're going." He chuckled at my statement and I allowed the vibrations to calm my nerves.

After much conversation and about, what I assumed had to be almost an hour, I could see something bright in the distance. We got closer and pretty soon the man controlling the ropes tugged at them, getting the horses to come to a complete stop. I found myself mesmerized for a moment by the array of lights before me.

"Ready?" He asked taking my hand. I didn't even notice that he had stepped down already. He helped me out of the carriage and we walked towards all of the colors and commotion.

"I know how much you miss the Carnivals back home. I heard that they were having something so here we are." I didn't say anything for a while. I knew it was probably making him nervous but I had to gather my thoughts. I finally grabbed his hand, looking up at him.

"Fitz, I'm really going to have to ask that you stop this."

"Stop what?" He was worried now, probably thinking he did something wrong.

"Being so perfect." I kissed him and he chuckled in relief.

"Come on." He led me into the Carnival and I could hear sounds of small children laughing and yelling. I saw a few other couples holding hands as Fitz got our tickets so that we could go on a few rides. We went straight for the bumper cars because it's what we always did when we went to these. We'd ignore everyone else on the makeshift road, chasing and bumping one another's rubber confined vehicle, laughing and sticking our tongues out at each other.

After riding some small roller coaster rides we decided to get something to eat. Fitz got a corndog and drenched it in both ketchup and mustard. I almost asked for cotton candy, not really being in the mood for actual food, but then I eyed the candied apples and knew I had to have one. It had been so long since I did. My mother was alive at the time, so it was definitely before college.

We sat down on a bench and dug into our treats. I payed no mind to Fitz as the Caramel covered Granny Smith had all of my attention. I heard Fitz's laugher and made a pouty face.

"What?"

"You don't hear yourself do you?"

"What are you talking about?" I was genuinely confused.

"You're moaning, greedy."

"I am not."

"You are, you're all "mmm mmm", licking your lips, making love to that apple." He says between laughter and I give him a scowl.

"Well, at least I don't have condiments smeared all over my nose and mouth." He grabbed a napkin to wipe his face, still laughing as I continued to pout.

"Awe, I'm sorry, Livvie. Come here. Let me taste that apple, so it can teach me a thing or two on how to please my girl." I pushed the apple near his face and he shook his head.

"Un uh, you know how I wanna taste it." He said tilting his head and I tried my best to contain the smile that was doing it's best to interrupt my scrunched up lips. He leaned in about 90% allowing the other 10 to fall in my court. The kiss started out as a simple slow peck, then he nibbled my bottom lip and baited my tongue with his own. It was like a slow dance. A tongue Waltz if you will. I had never felt so energized yet so drained by a kiss. When we pulled away he stared into my eyes. Boring into my soul.

"Damn, it is good."

"I hate you." I said trying to fight another smile.

"You do?" He stretched his words playfully knowing I didn't really hate him.

"Yes."

"And why is that, soon to be Mrs Grant?" He picked up my free hand interlocking our fingers, waving our hands side to side.

"Because you keep making me fall in love with you. Over and over, more and more." He smiled widely, showing his perfectly groomed teeth.

"Funny, I feel the exact same way about you." He kissed my nose then helped me to my feet as we made our way to the last ride of the night. The ferris wheel.

When the ferris wheel ride ended Fitz told me that it wouldn't be complete if he did play a game at least once. So we stopped at one and he payed the guy behind the booth to let him shoot plastic ducks off of a mini moving carousel. He shot them all off in record time surprising the man, and me. I wasn't really surprise by Fitz, just surprised that the game wasn't insanely rigged.

The man told Fitz that he could pick from any prize at the top and Fitz told me to pick it out. I saw this huge blue dinosaur, resembling Reptar. You know, the famous dinosaur from the animated _Rugrats_ series. The man handed it to me and I hugged it in a childlike manner. I couldn't have asked for a better way to end our date.

At about eleven Fitz and I hopped back into the carriage. I still had about an hour before my figurative dress vanished and my ride turned into a pumpkin so I wanted to take advantage of it. I snuggled in close to him, still clutching my dinosaur, knowing it would only be a matter of time before we got to the apartment and we'd part ways again.

"Thank you. Tonight was so much fun." He gently squeezed me in return, planting a kiss on my forehead.

"I'm glad you enjoyed yourself."

We sat in silence the rest of the way just enjoying the closeness of our bodies. When we got to the apartment Fitz helped me down before giving the man a hefty tip, thanking him for his services then the man left. Passing Fitz's parked car on the way in, we walked the short hallway to my apartment, stopping in front of the door.

"So I'll call you and see you later." He was brushing the errant curls from my face and I could feel myself already missing his touch.

"Okay."

"Goodnight, babe." He smiled knowing what calling me babe did to me and I smiled back before we kissed one last time.

"Night, baby." I whispered against his lips. He groaned at the word and I giggled

"You're killing me woman." He started to walk away.

"Later." I said just above a whisper as the tips of his fingers finally left mine.

"Later." He winked and I unlocked the door, walking in.

I closed the door leaning up against it, closing my eyes as I allowed the faint smile on my face to grow.

"You're late, missy." Abby jokingly scolded, bringing me out of my daze. I looked at my phone to see it was 12:02

"By two minutes, Abby."

"Mhm, have a good time?"

"The best." I cheesed hugging the blue Reptar look-a-like.

"Good."

* * *

"Livvie." I heard Fitz whispering in my ear. But I was in my bed, doubled over in pain, lying in a fetal position. _I must be dreaming_, I thought, but then I heard it again and this time I could feel his hand in my hair rubbing and lightly scratching my scalp. I turned around to see him smiling down at me.

"Hi."

"Hi." I replied sleep still evident in my voice. "Did you find your key?"

"No, Abby let me in on her way to class."

"She trusts us alone?" I joked.

"Well according to her you're on your period so she had no problem leaving us alone."

I groaned. "She would tell you."

"It's nothing new, Livvie." He kissed my shoulder affectionately.

"I know, but still, bleeding gallons of blood for damn near a week is so not sexy."

"Oh hush, woman." He leaned in brushing his nose against mine. "How do you feel? You want anything? Tea? Peppermint?"

"Please?" I looked up at him innocently.

"I'll be right back." He kissed my forehead and hopped off the bed into the hall. He left the door open so I could hear him moving around in the kitchen. A few minutes passed and he came back with a large mug with steam rising from the minty hot liquid. I sat up to take it from his grasp and blew on it before I took a small sip.

"Thank you."

"So I take it you're not going to class today?"

"No, I'm gonna go."

"You sure? We could just stay here and cuddle."

"I have a paper due."

"Aren't you going to just email it anyway?"

I sighed not having much energy to fight him.

"Yeah, I guess."

I placed my cup on my nightstand as Fitz moved in closer to me, framing my body from behind.

"Need anything else? Are you hungry? What about your back? Does it ache?"

I turned my face slightly to look at him.

"Is this what I have to look forward to when you knock me up?"

"Yup." We laughed and shared small kisses, I must have fallen asleep shortly after because the last thing I remember was Fitz humming in my ear. Our moms would do that when we weren't feeling well. They would hum or sing us a song. Now we had to do it for each other knowing that someday we'd have our own kids to to hum and sing for.


	10. Chapter 10 - Ghosts of the Past

"Olivia!"

I groaned at the use of my full name. It was late. Really late. Why would Abby be yelling my name at this hour? I climbed out of bed and walked into her room. The door was open and she was staring at something in her hands.

"What?"

She handed over what she was holding. It was a letter and attached was a Polaroid picture of Abby in a dance uniform. She looked to have been about 7 years old and she was smiling widely. I looked at the address and realized that the letter was from her father. I looked back at her to study her face; to see what she was going to say next but there was nothing. Out of the three of us Abby had the worst father.

Big Gerry wasn't affectionate and he could say some mean things at times but, all in all, he wasn't that bad. And my dad had become distant after my mother's passing. But nothing could compare to the alcoholic, physically abusive son-of-a-bitch Abby's father was.

"Why?" I heard her muster up after being quiet for so long. I looked down at the letter and then the picture once more before facing her again. "Why, after all this time and all of the shit he's done?"

"I don't know, Abbs."

"I can't deal with this. How does he even know where I live?"

"Who do you think would have given him the address?"

"I don't even know."

"You don't think your mom would—"

"No, of course not. There's no way she would."

"What are you gonna do? What do you wanna do?"

Abby just shook her head and shrugged her shoulders.

"Did you read it?"

"I can't, Liv. Can you read it for me?"

I nodded my head and began reading. He addressed her as "Abigail" which I knew right away she wouldn't like. I looked up when she scoffed, rolling her eyes. I continued to read, not believing my eyes. He wasn't apologizing or saying that he wishes he had been a better man, a better husband or a better father. No. He was getting out of prison soon and wanted to see her.

About three years ago he had lost his temper and badly beat her mother. When Abby tried to defend her she ended up with a few cuts and bruises of her own. He totally lost it and Abby called the cops. They arrested him for battery and that was the last anyone had heard of him. Until now.

"What do you think he wants?" She croaked.

"I was just about to ask you the same thing."

"He's crazy. I don't wanna ever see him again."

"Abby, don't worry. He won't come near you. I won't let that happen. None of us will. You have people who love you and who will do anything to protect you."

Abby didn't seem to believe me but she nodded her head anyway. Feeling her discomfort with the situation I placed the letter and picture on her nightstand and hugged her. The minute she wrapped her arms around me she starting crying. I was so hurt for her. I didn't want her to be afraid of anything. You never want that for the ones you love. But I was so helpless in that moment that the only thing I could do was comfort her. So I did.

* * *

It was date night for Fitz and me. This time I asked if I could do all the planning. He agreed but told me not to get used to it because he would be the only one doing the spoiling. I just rolled my eyes and waved it off even though I knew he was very serious. This would be our last date night for awhile because soon we'd be in California getting married. I asked to pick him up but he refused, so we compromised instead by letting me drive his car.

It was a little past eight and I was in my room finishing up my makeup. I added some mascara to my lashes and put on my favorite nude lipstick. I didn't put any foundation on because Fitz hates it and truth be told, so do I. The less makeup I have to put on, the better. As I was taking my hair out of the braids I put it in that afternoon, allowing the waves to brush past my shoulders, I heard a knock on the door and then Abby yell out that she would answer it. When I finished I entered the living room to see Fitz waiting for me on the couch. I held my hand out in front of him and smiled.

"Ready?"

He smiled back and took my hand as we told Abby "goodnight" and left the apartment, approaching his car. He walked me to the driver's side and kissed my cheek before closing the door to get in on the passenger side. We buckled up and I drove off.

"Where are we going?"

I smirked at his question. "You don't like not knowing, do you?"

"I can still handle it better than you." He said confidently.

"K." I replied still amused by his anxious behavior. His voice was strong but his body was betraying him. I saw him fidgeting around from the corner of my eye. It was a nervous habit of his and I knew he wanted to know. About a half hour later we reached our destination and he was still confused.

We stepped out of the car and stood in front of the back of the building. A friend of mine from school worked there so she got us through without us having to pay by sneaking us through the employee entrance. He was confused when he saw her outfit until we stepped into a huge room. It was a fairly large restaurant and bar and it was brand new. The grand opening had been the night before and unfortunately the place hadn't been advertised very well but, luckily, Lucile, my friend told me all about her new job.

"Livvie, what is this?" He yelled over the music.

"Comic." I yelled back, pointing to the huge lit sign above the door. It was a comic book themed restaurant/bar and if there's one obsession Fitz had besides reading about random facts of the world it was graphic novels.

"How'd you find this place?"

"Lucy, she's in my calc class." I pointed to the girl who let us in, dressed as 'Storm'. "I guess I was talking about you a little too much and when I mentioned your love for comics she told me about it."

All of the waiters and bartenders were dressed as a comic book character. Even some of the patrons were dressed up. Lucy told me it was optional, and since this was our first time here and I wanted to surprise him, I decided we'd dress up next time.

"This is so fucking cool." He said picking up a menu that resembled a comic book.

"You're such a dork." I smiled.

"I'm your dork." He corrected.

"That you are."

* * *

We spent almost 3 hours in the restaurant, eating and talking. He befriended one of the waiters as they talked about their favorite characters. I watched with joy as he smiled and laughed talking about something he loved. He seemed happy and excited that the guy was able to have a real conversation with him about things he had only been able to reflect upon by himself. It warmed my heart to see him so happy. Like an astronaut in space, he was where he belonged.

"Did you enjoy yourself?" I asked as we held hands making our way back to the car.

"You have no idea." He stopped me in front of the car and leaned his forehead against mine. "Thank you so much, Livvie. That was..." he paused, looking up before he continued. "Awesome." He chuckled. "It was awesome."

"Good. I'm glad."

* * *

The next morning I woke up to Abby nudging me. It was early. Really early. Abby was getting really good at bothering me at the most inopportune times. I lifted my head, to see her face in the semi-darkness of my room. The hallway light was peeking through my half open door so I could see her face pretty well. She had been crying and I didn't want to ask what it was because I already knew. I lifted my covers and she slid in beside me. I held her closely and felt her exhale slowly.

"I'm sorry." She whispered.

"Don't ever be sorry for needing me. I don't care if it's 3 in the morning or 12 at night. I'll

always be here, just like I know you'll do the same for me."

She hugged her body closer to mine and after awhile she fell asleep as I lied awake caressing her scalp. I couldn't sleep, my mind was on a hundred and I began to think about my future children. I knew they wouldn't have to deal with the bullshit that we endured because Fitz would never let his children grow up without a loving father. So I'm not really sure what made me so afraid. I guess it was just the thought alone of having a little life in your hands and realizing that you're responsible for whether he/she ends up in Forbes magazine with a list of accomplishments or on ID Discovery in an episode of 'Redrum' or 'Wives With Knives'.

My heart ached for Abby because I knew she loved her dad, but he was a fucked up guy. Sure it wasn't completely his fault but he had caused damage way beyond repair. Abby would often have nightmares about it and I was sure that this visit to my room had a lot to do with that. Because of him Abby didn't date - petrified that she'd end up with someone like her father. It wasn't fair. She deserved to live without being crippled by the haunting of her past.

* * *

"Do you think your dad likes me?"

"Of course he does." I said turning my head from Fitz's lap to look up at his face. We were lounging on the couch watching a movie while Abby was grocery shopping. She always took forever so we usually just helped her put everything away once she got home. "Don't you remember every summer when all of my boy cousins would come to visit and my dad would invite you to play football with them?"

He nodded and I continued. "Then that one summer when you were 9, you fell and scraped your knee pretty badly and Big Gerry said 'Get up boy! You're fine'.You weren't fine, you were in pain and you were on the verge of tears so my dad walked over to you, picked you up, kissed the top of your head and cleaned your cut."

"Yeah, I remember. He told me that no matter what, it's okay to react honestly, but that I should always get up and try again."

I smiled up him, remembering the conversation between Fitz and my father. I was watching from a short distance away but I never really knew he said until now. "If you remember that then how could you ask such a silly question? My dad doesn't just like you. He loves you."

"Yeah, now that you've said it sorta feels like a ridiculous question. You're dad has always been more of a father to me than my own."

"You're dad loves you, Fitz." I said reaching up to smooth the skin at the side of his neck with my thumb.

"I know. In his own asshole way."

I smiled briefly and took his hand. "Speaking of dads, guess who contacted Abby?"

He raised an eyebrow and tilted his head to the side. "You're kidding."

I shook my head negatively. "Nope. He wrote her a letter. He wants to see her."

"He's not getting anywhere near her."

"That's what I told her." Fitz and I had never really liked Abby's dad to begin with, but detest grew into pure hate when we had the chance to experience first hand what he could do and we were very displeased with what we saw.

"She'll be okay, Livvie. She has us."

I nodded my head before he leaned down to kiss my lips.

"Get off of each other and help me with the groceries, you pervs." Abby was standing in the doorway and although I couldn't see her I was sure that she probably had a least one hand on her hip.

I giggled as Fitz smiled against my lips.

"Hi Abby." We greeted in unison, not even bothering to look in her direction.

"Ugh, I hate when you guys do that." She spat referring to the way Fitz and I often spoke at the same time or moved in sync. It wasn't something we could help. It just happened. It always just happened.


	11. Chapter 11 - Commitment

**A/N: I apologize for being away so long! But I'm here :D Time jump! Get ready for a wedding and honeymoon ;)**

This is the day little girls dream of, no? I can't really speak for anyone but myself, of course, but I didn't really dream of my wedding as a child, and I definitely didn't think I'd be this young. In this moment, I'm deeply afraid that I'm making a huge mistake, but deep down I know that no matter what I may think or feel - Fitz will always be the best _mistake_ I've ever made.

"Livvie."

I looked up at my vanity mirror to see my father standing by the frame of the door.

"Are you ready?"

I nodded my head and stood on wobbly legs. I was shaking as I walked over to him, stopping before him allowing him to properly access his only daughter.

"You look beautiful." I looked down at my feet, dressed in 5 inch white Jimmy Choo's, blushing at his words. "Your mother would have cried with joy." I looked up, hearing those words and tears formed in my eyes.

"I wish she was here."

"She's here." He said placing two fingers over my heart. I nodded frantically, dabbing the fallen tears on my cheeks; careful not to ruin the Mac products that inhabited my face.

"Let's go." I sighed through a watery smile.

* * *

As my father walked me down the aisle I couldn't help but notice Fitz's fidgety stance. I smiled trying hard not to laugh. _He's nervous too._ I found it to be the cutest I'd seen him yet. When my father gave me away I could see the faintest tears leave his eyes as he bashfully kissed my cheek. No doubt trying to hide his emotion from me.

"Fitz," I began my vows, "I can't even properly explain what I feel for you because my brain is so cluttered and I wish I could crack it open and take the time to organize my feelings. But I'm gonna try my best to say what I need to." I took a breath and paused feeling my heart speed up. I felt like I would collapse. Speaking my heart is hard enough but to do it with everyone watching was damn near impossible. "Some days I feel like I don't deserve you, but most days I'm just so grateful. When I was 5 you first proposed to me." I giggled and he smiled. "When I was 8 you hit a boy for me, even though I ended up beating him up myself when he hit you back." This time he laughed covering his face in slight embarrassment as I smirked. "When I was 16 I was sure I fell in love with you and by the time I was 18 I knew I'd be spending the rest of my life with you. Now, I stand before you, only 21 years old, positive that every moment I've ever shared with you proves to me more and more each day that the love we have for one another is more real than anything I've ever known. So real that it terrifies me. But then that's when I realize that there isn't anyone else on this earth that I'd rather be terrified with. So thank you, Fitz. Thank you for loving me; for never letting me go; for never letting me run away - whether it's facing my fears, you, or myself. I'm so grateful that you haven't allowed me to cower, because you've helped me stand. I'm standing and it's because of you."

He looked as though he was going to cry and I squeezed his hand reminding him to breathe before he began his own vows. "Livvie, I have loved you for 16 years." He was obviously referring to our makeshift wedding all those years ago. Though he was joking I knew deep down he meant it. He's always loved me and I've always loved him. "Sometimes I wish I could wrap myself up in you and never have to interact with the outside world, because Livvie, you are my world." _Damn it. I'm definitely gonna cry now. There's no way I can't._ "I'm so excited to see what our future holds. We're gonna have a big family filled with beautiful healthy little squishy babies." My dad cleared his throat at that and everyone laughed. "After we finish school, of course," he added to reassure my father. My father nodded his head in approval. "I'm going to do my very best to be the most amazing husband I can be because that is what you deserve. I promise to always love you even when you hate me. I promise to kill any and all bugs." I giggled. He knows I hate anything that crawls. "I promise to make you breakfast in bed. I promise to share my food with you and let you have the last of my french fries. I promise to let you have alone time when you need it. I promise to give you massages." He wiggled his eyebrows and I knew he didn't just mean massages. "I promise not to leave the toilet seat up. I promise to watch movies with you no matter what the genre. I promise to dance with you whenever you feel the urge. I promise to carry you when you're too tired or your feet hurt. I promise to hold your hand and never let go, and I promise to be the best father to our children so that they know what a man should be. I love you. Thank you for being my strength."

* * *

After the wedding we headed straight for the reception. It was the most fun I'd had with all my friends and family. Some of my cousins had come that I hadn't seen in years. Abby had one too many and I ended up having to send her home early, making sure some of our other friends went with her to ensure she was okay.

Fitz and I were more than surprised when my dad handed us tickets, two suitcases full of new clothes and other necessities when our limousine pulled up.

"Dad, what's all this?" He handed Fitz the tickets as Fitz wrapped his other arm around me.

"I made a few promises of my own and one of them was that I would pay for your honeymoon."

"But dad, I never—"

"The promise was to your mother. She wanted us to take care of everything, but since it's just me..." He gestured to the black limo.

"We can't accept this." Fitz spoke up.

"Don't be silly. Everything is paid for and you have a beautiful beach house waiting for you across the world."

_Beach house?_ That was when I looked down at the tickets to see Fiji written across the top.

"Fiji?" It came out as a whisper, but I meant for it to be louder.

"Abby told me that's where you always dreamed of going." We all stood there smiling before Fitz and I pulled my dad in for a hug. "Alright. You kids go."

* * *

I couldn't believe how beautiful it was once we landed. The house was huge and the interior was beyond amazing. The master bedroom was spacious and in the middle was a king sized bed with plush pillows and white and black sheets. The comforter was all black with white embroidered intricate detail, giving it a classy and sophisticated look.

We stood at the door, hand in hand, looking around the room and spotted the door to the master bathroom. I let go of Fitz's hand and practically skipped inside. It was so extravagant. There was a jacuzzi tub in the middle of the room, his and her sinks and on the right was a large shower with a wooden bench built into the side making you feel like you were in the jungle. There were multiple shower heads and at the end there seemed to be something that resembled a waterfall. It was perfect.

"Fitz." I turned around to see him at the door, watching me move around the bathroom, curiously studying its architecture. "Are you ready?" He gave me a look of confusion and I continued. "It's been way too long." I stepped in closer lifting his shirt. "I wanna make love." I kissed his Adam's apple. "As your wife." I fully removed his shirt - discarding it on the floor in the bedroom as I backed him up, pushing him onto the mattress before straddling him. "Are you ready to make love to your wife?"

I had no clue how much I really missed us being this way until he picked me up with his strong arms, laying me down in the middle of the bed. His hands took their time as he slowly undressed me. Once I was void of clothes he kissed all over my body. My feet, my calves, my knees, the bend of my knees, my thighs, my hips, my belly button, the valley between my breasts, my neck, my face then my lips.

Something about the way he was being so gentle with me had my whole body on high. When he worked his way down he paid generous attention to both of my nipples, kissing then licking before lightly tugging each one between his teeth. The minute I felt him nibble my chocolate buds my back arched. It was cliché but it was instinctual. My body was simply reacting to him.

When he started to suck on them I could feel the throbbing between my legs grow unbearable. I've never really been one to beg or ask help so I began to tend to myself like he taught me. When he saw my middle finger rubbing into my clit he chuckled. I opened my eyes, blushing.

"What?"

"You could just ask, Livvie."

I smiled, my cheeks growing rosy as I dropped my hand. "Sorry."

"No need to be sorry, baby." He lifted my hand and kissed the finger I'd used to pleasure myself with. "Just tell me what you want." Seeing my hesitance he began to rattle off questions. "Do you want my hands?" I looked around before looking back at him and coyly bit my lip as I shook my head. "Do you want my mouth?" I nodded up and down, shyly. "Where do you want it? Show me." I thrust my hips up a little to get my point across and he leaned into my ear, whispering:

"Say it. Say 'I want your mouth on my pussy, Fitz'." He looked me in the eyes, making the moment more intense.

"I want your mouth on my pussy, Fitz." I whispered back and he smiled before kissing my lips. He immediately moved down the length of my body and began kissing my lady parts. It was slow and soft at first; small pecks. Then he opened his mouth "frenching" me. He paused to take long licks up and down then he took my clit into his mouth and sucked.

At that moment I lost it. Fitz had only gone down on me a few times and each time I never quite knew what to do with my hands. Fitz looked up when I looked down, watching me struggle. He grabbed my hands and put them in his hair allowing me to tug and scratch. I felt my orgasm coming on as he lifted my thighs onto his shoulders and began to fuck me with his tongue while his hands played with my body. His right hand rubbed circles into my clit and his left played with my breasts, squeezing then pinching my nipples.

He never made me feel like this before and for a second I thought it might be too much. My body started to jerk violently as it found its release and I buried my face into the side of my pillow, panting and moaning. Fitz continued to kiss and lick as I rode it out. It took a while for my body to become calm and I wasn't used to that.

"Fuck." I whispered breathlessly.

"You okay?" He chuckled as he laid beside me; rubbing my arms, belly and thighs.

"I don't think I ever came that hard before. Have I?"

"No. That was a first." He smiled, bumping his nose against mine.

"Okay," I rolled him over straddling him again. "Time for part two." I gyrated my hips and he laughed tracing my abdomen.

"You sure? Cuz I don't plan on stopping so if you need a break—"

I leaned down to stop him from speaking, kissing his lips; letting my tongue dance with his. I raised my head a little biting my lip. I moved slowly, grinding my wet folds onto his rigid erection and waited for his next move. He surprised me when he halted my movements only to flip me over. My back was now on the bed and he eased himself inside of me. I hissed at the feeling and so did he.

I was tighter due to the fact we hadn't had sex in a few months and I know to him I felt like heaven, but I needed a minute to adjust. I placed my hands on his chest and he got the hint and paused, allowing me to stretch. After a few seconds I thrust upward and he thrust downward. He leaned down kissing me softly.

"Are you comfortable?" He mumbled into my lips. I nodded my head, pulling him in closer to me. I had the need to feel all of him at once and I couldn't help but let a few tears fall at the feeling. I was making love to my husband. _My husband._

* * *

The next morning I woke up to feathery kisses on my neck and shoulder. I turned to face him and smiled. I saw him smile back at me for a few seconds only to watch it fade.

"What? What's wrong?" I caressed the side of his neck.

"We didn't use a condom last night." He rolled off the bed and I wanted to laugh at his naked form pacing back and forth but knew it wouldn't help.

"Fitz, it's fine."

"Your father will kill me."

"Last time I checked it takes two." I sat up allowing my breasts to break free from the silk sheets that covered my body.

"He won't see it that way." He sat on the edge of the bed.

"So what?" I hugged him from behind, wrapping my arms around his neck to nibble at his ear. "Besides, I'm on birth control."

He let out a sigh of relief and I giggled.

"You're such a worry wart."

"For good reason."

I got out of the bed and headed towards the bathroom. I stopped midway and held my hand out for him to grab.

"Come on, I wanna test the shower out." I smiled as I watched him study my bare body. I'm almost positive that I would have grown self-conscious and would've tried to cover up had it been anyone else staring at me. But Fitz didn't stare at me like I was a meal, though I'm sure he wanted to eat me. No. He stared at me with love and adoration; making me feel comfortable in my own skin. So I stood still for a few seconds letting him get a good look. I felt unashamed and free. He did that. No one else.

"You coming?" I asked, snapping him out of his daze. He gave me a small smile and nodded his head as he took my hand, following me into the bathroom. Fitz and I had never had shower sex before and I was ready to explore every inch of this one.


	12. Chapter 12 - Paradise

_**If everything is dipped in gold**_

_**Then baby it will never grow**_

_**Everything sweet ain't sugar coated**_

_Stay Ready (What A Life)_ \- Jhené Aiko

* * *

I woke up to the feeling of fingers. Fingers playing between my legs, toying with the wetness that started to ooze down the apex of my thighs. It was our second morning in Paradise and so far we were enjoying what Fiji had to offer, but damn was I tired.

"Fitz."

"Hmm?"

"What are you doing?"

"Waking my beautiful wife."

"Fitz." I repeated bringing my arm back to move his hand away from me. I was comfortably laid out on my stomach; my legs spread, courtesy of my husband.

"What's wrong?"

"I'm tired, Fitz. We've been fucking for 24 hours straight." Fitz chuckled at my bluntness. I curse but I don't curse often and it usually comes out when I get upset or cranky. Though I may have been exaggerating, because we did get out and do a few fun things around the island, we still went at it any chance we got. And it's not that I didn't enjoy it, I did. Believe me. But I could barely even get myself to move at this point.

"I'm sorry." He moved the thin sheet from my body and kissed the small of back. "I'll get us some breakfast while you rest."

I have no clue how long I was out for but the next thing I remembered was Fitz nibbling on my flesh to wake me. I looked up to see him smiling down at me. He had a bag in hand and sat down beside me as I sat up.

"What'd you get?"

"I went to the little shop up the road." He pulled out the contents of the bag: pineapples, bananas, sugar, butter, some kind of marmalade and something I couldn't quite identify.

"What's that?"

"It's babakau. The guy said they're fried pancakes."

I nodded my head remembering having read it in the Fijian language hand book I bought at the airport. I watched as Fitz slathered it in butter and spread the jam over it before sprinkling sugar on it. He brought it to my lips and I bit down on the foreign treat. It was good. Tasty. I liked it.

* * *

"Vinaka." I thanked our waiter as he brought over our drinks. We sat on the outside of a small cafe overlooking the beach. There were more locals than tourists and I liked it. I'm not a huge fan of 'overly-touristy' places.

"Have you been reading that book?" Fitz smirked at me, referring to the hand book.

"Yup." I sipped my juice.

"You sound so cute. How do you say 'daddy'." I looked off into the distance, watching children splash in the water and laughed.

"I am not calling you 'daddy', Fitzgerald."

"Why not? It'll feel different in another language." I smiled and shook my head. There was no way I was calling Fitz _tata_. There was nothing masculine about that name. We stared for a bit sharing silly glances until I felt my phone vibrate. I looked to see that it was a text from Abby.

**Abby: Hey, Liv. Hope you and hubby are having a great time. Just wanted to say hello. **

I knew she didn't want to tell me but something was wrong. Abby doesn't text to "just say hello". Ever. I frowned but didn't realize it until Fitz said something.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing. It's probably nothing."

He continued to look at me expectantly. Sometimes I forget that he really knows me and that brushing things off won't work with him.

"It's Abby."

"What'd she say?"

"She said she hopes we're having a great time and that she just wanted to say hello."

Fitz furrowed his eyebrows. "Yeah, that does sound a little odd for her."

"Right?" He nodded his head before taking a sip of his drink. "Do you think it's her dad?"

"I don't know. Maybe something else. I think she would have come right out with it if that were the case." I nodded my head knowing he was right. Abby wouldn't beat around the bush when it comes to her father.

"Should I call her? Wait, no I'm sorry. We're on our honeymoon and that's rude and—"

"And Abby needs you. Call her."

I smiled at him before kissing his lips. _This is why I love him._ I got up to walk in the sand a bit so that I could make the call in private. I dialed and waited for Abby to pick up. When she finally did I could hear labored breathing.

"Abby?"

"Hey, Liv! What's up? Fitz getting on your nerves already?" She giggled and in that moment I knew something had to really be wrong. She wasn't at all acting like herself and that scared me.

"Abby what's going on?"

"What do you mean?"

"Why are you out of breath?"

"Oh, I just came back in from a run."

Red flag! Abby hates exercise.

"Abby, what the hell is wrong? You're acting strange and it's not settling well with me."

"Liv, relax. I just thought I'd start being more active and I was bored so I went for a run."

"Are you sure you're okay?"

"Promise. Go. Have fun. I'm sure hubby misses you already."

"Uhhh... okay. I'll call you later."

"K."

"We love you."

"Love you guys, too."

I hung up but was still not satisfied with our conversation. Something was going on with Abby but for some reason she didn't want me to know. I could only hope that everything would be fine and that I had nothing to worry about but my gut was telling me otherwise.

"What'd she say?" Fitz asked as I sat back down at our small round table.

"She said she's fine."

"But you don't think she is?"

"She's acting so weird. I don't know. Maybe I should call Lisa." Lisa, Abby's older sister, always had a way of getting Abby to talk if I wasn't able to. And I could only do but so much over the phone while I was on the other side of the globe.

"If you really feel like something's up, you should."

Not wanting to disturb our time on the island any longer I shot Lisa a text to ask her to check on Abby and when she texted me back saying she would I put my phone away and let myself enjoy my time with my husband.

The rest of the our day was extremely eventful. Hiking and parasailing were by far the best choices we made. I had so much fun and I could tell that Fitz was having the time of his life. It warmed my heart to see him so happy. By the time we got back to the beach house we were all over each other again. When we got to the bed I pushed him down and got on my knees. I pulled down his pants and watched his erection spring up at me. I always found it be so mesmerizing when it did that.

I grabbed him in my hand began to lick. I hadn't gone down on Fitz nearly as many times as he had gone down on me, (mainly because I was still so shy about it) but I would have moments when something would come over me and I would yearn for the feeling of him in my mouth. I looked up at Fitz as I began to bob my head up and down and the look on his face gave me a sense of pride. His bottom lip was tucked between his teeth and his eyelids were heavy. I got into the rhythm of things and he moved my hair out of my face, getting a better of view of my performance.

When his orgasm finally neared, he pulled out and I let him cum on my chest. He never came in my mouth before. The first time I performed oral sex on him he knew that it was a new and strange experience for me and didn't want to overwhelm me with the burst of his white creamy substance shooting into the back of my throat, so anytime after that it was just something he'd gotten used to and when I felt comfortable enough I started to allow my chest to be his target.

After more foreplay and a few rounds of sex, we laid sated in our temporary bed, just listening to one another breathe. As time went by my mind began to race and I couldn't stop thinking about Abby. I started to feel guilty about leaving her at the house by herself. It isn't at all like our apartment in Connecticut. Our LA home is huge and I know that if left along in that big old house for a long period of time you start to feel very lonely. With the house being so large and empty it had the ability to make you sad.

"Do you think she's okay?" I popped my head up from the side of Fitz neck and chuckled at my worried state. "What?"

"We just had sex and the first thing you do right after is ask about Abby."

I made a face, feeling awful. "I'm sorry."

"No, babe. It's fine. I'm not upset, I just think it's funny. You're cute. I can only imagine how you'll be when we have kids." He smiled at me and I blushed at the thought of being pregnant. "I'm sure she's fine. Didn't you say Lisa texted you on our way back here?"

"Yeah."

"So then there's nothing to worry about."

I nodded solemnly, my head down. He lifted my chin a bit to get me to looked at him.

"He won't hurt her, Livvie. She's safe."

I nodded again and he pulled me in close caressing my back and after a few minutes another concern entered my mind and before I could think or filter myself the question flew out of my mouth.

"How come you never cum in my mouth?"

"What?" He laughed.

"Don't laugh." I lifted my head and giggled, contradicting myself. "Seriously, why don't you?"

"I just assumed you didn't like it. Swallowing, I mean."

"But I've never done it."

"Still, I didn't think you'd like it and probably never will so I just pull out before it happens."

"But what if I want you to?" I asked looking down as I traced circles around his nipple. I looked up when he didn't answer and he raised his eyebrow at me.

"Who are you?"

I rolled my eyes fighting the smile that tried to find its way on my face and slapped his shoulder. He was teasing me and I wanted to hide beneath my skin. Fitz would often compare me to a turtle reverting back to its shell when I became uncomfortable.

"Don't make fun, Fitz."

"Clearly this isn't my turtle speaking."

See. There's the turtle reference.

"Just answer the question."

"Liv, I want you to do whatever you want as long as it's what you want and not what you think I want."

"I know."

"Alright. Don't say anything when I don't pull out next time and you get all squeamish and grossed out."

"I won't." I said defensively, poking his chest like a child.

"You say that now, but we'll see."

"You let me cum in _your_ mouth." I countered, trying to make a point.

"That's different."

"How?"

"Our fluids aren't the same. If yours came out like sperm I might second guess giving you head." He chuckled and I straddled him placing a pillow over his face. I could still hear his muffled laughter as he weakly tried to push me off by cupping both of my breasts.

I removed the pillow from his face and smiled as his laughter died down. I felt him hardening against my backside and before I knew it he had flipped me over._ I don't think we're going to sleep anytime soon._


	13. Chapter 13 - Escape

**A/N: It starts off light, nothing heavy, a little silly. Just let this chapter take you.**

* * *

Okay, so Fitz may have been right. Semen is not that fun to swallow. I can still feel how he had his hand in my hair as he massaged my scalp warning me of what was to come (sticking to his word and not pulling out this time). And bam! I felt it passing my tongue then going down my throat causing my eyes to water and I couldn't take it anymore so I moved back, letting his manhood slip out of my mouth as I began to cough.

It must have startled him out of his sex induced haze because one minute he was panting and whispering my name and the next he's at my side rubbing my back, cleaning my mouth and face with a wet cloth that he rushed to get from the bathroom; then hydrating me with a bottle of water from the nightstand. It was embarrassing, to say the least. I nearly cried of shame. Then I heard Fitz chuckling and kissing my forehead telling me to breathe.

His laughter wasn't of malice intent but of genuine adoration and appreciation of my inexperienced offering. I wheezed a bit, perhaps being a tad dramatic as his nose was nuzzled into the side of my face. Once my breathing returned to normal I could hear him say:

"I told you that you wouldn't like it." He chuckled again.

I giggled and pouted my bottom lip. "I hate you."

"I'm sorry, babe."

"I just have to get used to it."

"Livvie, you don't have to—"

I gave him a look that said let me do this and he grinned at me shaking him head.

"Okay." He whispered against my lips before kissing me. "Mmm. I taste good on your lips, I bet _you_ taste better on _mine_."

I bit my lip and looked up at him feeling a new wave of arousal coming over me and he picked me up, throwing me on the bed making me laugh. He pulled me closer by cupping the bend of my knees and started with a nibble to my clitoris. I gasped, arching my back as he then proceeded to lick me. I hissed as I felt my entire body tingle. And my toes flexed then curled, as he began to suck.

He sucked as hard as he could while he pumped two fingers in and out of me. I shook endlessly, coming even harder than I ever had before and he began to, gently and softly, kiss my folds. He then proceeded to caress the soft flesh of my abdomen, soothing my contracting muscles. He brushed his hand over my clit and I jerked causing him to chuckle. He continued to wiggle his middle finger on me, feeding my mouth with his tongue; eyes open as he watched his actions make me squirm.

"Fitz." I whimpered.

It started to feel so good that I began to grind against his hand, sucking on his pussy flavored tongued. He stopped momentarily to squeeze my breasts and I reached for his penis, lining it up with my entrance and he eased inside of me mumbling an 'mmm' in the crook of my neck. I met his every thrust, moaning in response. Bucking my hips as we came together. Panting loudly in one another's ears, he lifted his head to look at me and I caressed his face allowing my index finger to slightly dip into his open mouth.

"If that's the thanks I get for my mediocre blow job I can't even begin to imagine what I'll receive when I become a pro." I joked, breathlessly.

"It wasn't mediocre, babe. After all, you didn't freak out 'til _after_ I came."

"I'm sorry." I laughed.

"Don't be. It was cute." He kissed my forehead then my lips before we gave into sleep.

* * *

A few hours later I woke up to Fitz's frantic pleas.

"Livvie, wake up."

I felt him rub my back as I slowly opened my eyes, looking up at him in confusion.

"Livvie, Abby's at the hospital."

I popped up like those words were magic. "What?"

"Calm down, she's okay. I found her in the kitchen passed out while you were sleeping and I couldn't wait so I rushed her to the ER, called Lisa then came back here once she arrived."

"Fitz, what—I don't understand. What do you mean 'passed out'?"

"She...slit her wrists."

"What?!" I jumped out of bed and began dragging my sweatpants up my legs.

"Liv! Slow down."

"What the fuck, Fitz?! Why didn't you wake me sooner?"

"I had to get her to the ER as quickly as possible."

Knowing he was right, I let go of the argument, but the minute my anger subsided tears began to flow down my face. Fitz pulled me into his arms telling me it's okay and that Abby is fine. _But she's not fine. _There's nothing "fine" about trying to kill yourself.

* * *

Sitting in the hospital room in a chair adjacent to Fitz's, staring at my platform clogged style boots and the linoleum floor that they squeaked on, I tried to stay calm. The machine beeped reminding us that her pulse was still strong. But she looked so weak. Eyes closed, shallow breath, chest rising and falling ever so slightly. She looked pale and sickly and all I wanted to do was make her better. On one hand I wished that she was awake so that I could know she was really okay; on the other I was glad she was sleeping because I wanted to yell at her for doing something so reckless.

By the time visiting hours were over Abby was still sleeping. Lisa was allowed to stay over night so that made me feel a little better about leaving her there. Fitz and I walked up by each side of the bed and bent down to kiss the side of her head. We told Lisa we'd see her later and headed home. Once we walked into the bedroom we both stripped out of our clothes. Fitz put on a pair of sweats, staying shirtless, while I threw on a pair shorts and a camisole. We cuddled with the sheets pulled half way up our bodies and he held me from behind allowing me to lace my finger threw his, resting my arm atop his strong one.

"Why?" It was the only question on my mind.

Fitz brushed my hair back with his hand, while the other remained wrapped around my body, then he kissed the top of my head. "I don't know, baby."

"I didn't know she was... I didn't think she would be a danger to herself. I never thought she'd do something like this."

"None of us did." His response was simple but I knew it was his way of saying don't blame yourself for not be able to see it coming. That I shouldn't feel guilty because it wasn't anything I did or didn't do. So I accepted that. I accepted his words and their meaning because I can't allow myself to take on unnecessary responsibility for something I wasn't responsible for. All I could do was be there for Abby and that's what I was going to do. It's what I was always going to do.

* * *

Entering Abby's room later that evening was a different feeling. She was now awake and when she saw my face I could tell that she was remorseful for her actions. She began to cry and apologize repeatedly. I walked over to her, sitting down on the side of the bed taking her face into my hands resting my forehead against hers, shushing her while wiping her tears and we fell silent for a few seconds.

"I'm sorry, Liv."

"Don't be sorry. Just... Don't do that again, okay?" My voice cracked and I felt fresh tears streaming down my face.

She nodded her head, sorrowfully. I kissed her forehead whispering, "I love you." I pulled away and Fitz came up beside me. Abby reached for his hand and he took it. She apologized for him having to find her the way he did and he kissed her left temple.

"Just get better." He whispered.

* * *

"He's out." Lisa explained as we all walked to our cars after exiting the hospital. "I don't know if he threatened her or said something else crazy but he called her as soon as he got out and she won't tell me what he said but I know that's why she did it."

I let Lisa's words linger in the air. I couldn't understand why Abby hadn't said anything to us. Why she wouldn't just tell us that her dad was finally out and had contacted her again. She, instead, took on the problem by herself and allowed it to drown her. None of us had ever known Abby to be self-destructive. She didn't have a history of cutting or burning, or an eating disorder of some sort. She was always...happy.

"I have to call my mom and tell her what happened. She's gonna be furious and hurt but I know I have to tell her."

"I'll go with you. If you wanna tell her in person, I'll tell her with you." I couldn't let Lisa go by herself. At this point we had all become family. She and Abby were the closest things I had to sisters and I loved them as though they were. Lisa nodded her head and told me she'd let me know when she wanted to go before we parted ways.

Fitz and I entered the house feeling drained. I needed to breathe. I didn't want to think or feel anymore. I just wanted to get out of my own head for a while so I decided to walk into the library—the same one I had entered time and time again as a child—and found a book to read. I needed to escape and literature allowed me to do that. It brought me into another world and I was able to forget about my own problems. But even as I read I knew that I would have to face my problems, eventually, because reality wouldn't allow me to ignore it for much longer.


	14. Chapter 14 - Figuring It Out

**A/N: I'm trying to work on making my chapters longer because I know that they often seem too short. Bear with me ;)**

* * *

It had been a little over two weeks since Abby returned home. Wake. Shower (sometimes). Eat. Sleep. That's the pattern. The monotone rhythm of her day. She wouldn't speak and, at times, I was afraid to leave her alone. Okay. I lied. I was _always_ afraid to leave her alone. After Lisa and I spoke with their mom she told us to get a restraining order against their father, which we did, but it didn't make me feel any better.

Fitz constantly assured me that Abby will be fine and that when she's ready to talk that we should suggest she talk to a therapist of some sort. I know he's right but Abby wouldn't go for it. She'll probably be offended that we'd even suggest it. She'll think we're calling her crazy and the truth is...she is crazy. Aren't we all? A bit eccentric. A bit insane. None of us are normal. That word was created just to make people feel better about being completely, totally and undoubtedly human.

"Liv." Fitz called me out of my daze and I quickly realized that I was burning the eggs. I turned off the stove and faced him. He looked at me with sympathetic eyes because he knew that I wasn't not okay. Not if Abby isn't and the same goes for him. They're two of the most important people in my life and my happiness is wrapped up in theirs. Maybe it's not healthy or even fair but it is what is.

"That's it." He began. "I won't allow this anymore."

With that said I watched as he headed towards her room and it made me nervous. I followed and I saw that she was still in her pajamas, as we all were. It was morning. But chances were she'd stay in her pajamas much longer than we would. She was sitting with the tv on. Practically catatonic with the exception of slow blinking eyes and long drawn out breaths. Fitz turned the TV off standing in front of the flat screen contraption and to my surprise she looked up at him, glaring. I walk in ready to intervene then his words stopped me.

"You're acting like he still controls you."

"Excuse me?" She asked through clenched teeth.

"You heard me."

"You don't know shit, Fitz!"

"I don't?" He paused. "So, then this must mean I _really_ don't know, huh?" He lifted his shirt to reveal the long scar on the right side of his lower back. The one he got while pulling Abby's father off of her in her defense.

"Fitz." My tone was light and gentle as I cautiously treaded closer, trying to get him to stop before he went too far. I understood his anger but I didn't want her to feel like she was to blame because I know that wasn't his intention and that he really wasn't mad at her. He was mad at him. He was angry with him for being such a horrible human being and worse; an abusive father. Fitz sighed heavily, too worked up to continue and left the room. Abby looked angry. Her breathing had doubled and her chest was rising faster as she gripped the pillow sitting between her loosely crossed legs.

"He's right, Abby. You're acting like a dog that doesn't know he's been released from its chain."

She looked down as her eyelids moved rapidly and I knew that it meant she was fighting tears. She didn't lift her head but she opened her mouth and a barely audible whisper escaped her mouth.

"I'm sorry."

Those word broke my heart. That's exactly why I didn't want Fitz approaching her that way. She thought we were mad at her. I climbed into the bed and wrapped my arms around her.

"No, you didn't do anything wrong. We're just worried about you. You don't talk to anyone and you barely move. It scares me and makes Fitz want to kill him." I remembered Fitz's words from the previous night as we laid in bed, _I should have killed him when I had the chance_.

"He said he loves me and that he wants to see me. I told him no and he started to threaten me. He called me a little bitch and said I was no better than my mother, whom he then referred to as a cunt."

"Abby." I said grabbing her face in my hands. "He is not to going to touch you or anyone you love. Do you hear me?"

She solemnly nodded her head and continued to cry, burying her face in my neck. I rocked her until she fell asleep and I laid her down, placing a blanket over her lengthy figure. I left the room leaving the door ajar before going back into the kitchen. Fitz finished the breakfast and my plate was the island across from where he was sitting.

"I'm sorry." He said right away, knowing he was a little out of line for way he handled Abby.

"It's fine. She's fine." I sat down in front of my food and lifted my fork to my mouth after picking up a piece of fruit with it.

"Is she mad?"

"No. She knows you weren't trying to hurt her." I ate a little more and let a few seconds go before I spoke again. "She finally told me."

Fitz looked at me waiting for me to continue.

"He's still adamant about seeing her and he threatened her with a few choice words."

"Fuck this. I'm going to find this asshole." He got up and I quickly stood before him, halting all movement.

"Fitz, no. We are going to let the police handle this."

He looked down at me frustrated and I fisted his curls forcing his forehead to rest on mine.

"Please, I can't worry about both of you all at once."

Sighing, he agreed and I pecked his lips.

"Come on, I wanna cuddle and watch horror movies."

We put our plates away before moving into the living room. Snuggled to get her on the couch we surfed Netflix for a good scary movie to watch when Abby walked in with a suit case in hand. I looked at her, a puzzled expression on my face then turned to Fitz to see that his was the same.

"I'm gonna stay with my mom for a bit. I feel like I'm bringing you two down right now and you shouldn't be spending your first few weeks married worrying about me."

"Abby—" I tried to protest but she cut me off.

"I know you guys love me and you care, but that's exactly why I need to leave for a bit because it's not fair to you two. I'm gonna figure this out without stressing you both out."

"Are you sure?" Fitz asked before I could.

She nodded and we hugged her before watching her walkout of the door and into Lisa's car. I sighed feeling a little relieved that she was making progress. She was on the road to happy and I was so proud of her.

* * *

"What about anal?" Fitz asked as we sat on floor, either side of the coffee table playing scrabble. Abby was right. We were newly weds and we needed light fluffy alone time.

"Absolutely not."

"Not even a finger?" He wiggled his finger toward me and I scrunched up my nose and slapped his hand.

"You're disgusting."

"Okay, so then what can we do."

"I don't know. What do you wanna do?"

"I just told you."

"Besides that, Fitzgerald."

"Can I tie you to the bed?"

"Sure." I say looking down sorting my letters as he waited for me to put my word on the board.

"Can I spank you?"

"With what?" I placed the letters down and spelled out 'ripe', off of his word 'apple'

"My hand."

"What else?"

I was still looking down so I didn't see it right away but when I heard no immediate response I looked up to see him raising an eyebrow at me. I rolled my eyes and waited for him to continue.

"Are you actually going to let me use toys?"

"Maybe."

"Can we use a vibrator?"

"We've used one before." I said somewhat defensively.

"Yeah but it was small and only had one speed."

"You wanna use a bigger one with multiple speeds?" I asked wide-eyed, a little concerned that I may have a married a certified freak. He laughed at me and I felt like that turtle again. _Damn, am I that much of a prude?_

"It'll be fun. I promise."

"How do you know?" I questioned with a little attitude. Fitz may be more open than I am but he's still just as experienced as me, we were one another's first and at this point each other's only.

"I have friends who tell me things." He smirks.

"Okay, fine. We'll get a new vibrator."

"And nipple clamps?"

"What?" I wasn't sure if I'd heard him right, surely I hadn't.

"I'm joking, Livvie." He laughed at the expression on my face and I began to pout at him for playing with me. "I would never do anything to hurt my precious chocolate Hershey kisses."

I scoff and roll my eyes. "It's your move, Hugh Hefner."

He laughed again as he placed his letters on the board. We played for about an hour before deciding to call it quits. We retired to the bedroom and continued our erotic conversation of things he'd like to try. Eventually it became too much and hypothetical turned into to an actual experiment. A very wet one.


	15. Chapter 15 - Letting Go

**3 YEARS AGO**

I was in the car with Fitz on our way to the beach. It was such a pretty day. The sun was out, flowers were at full bloom and the breeze outside was just right. So I wanted to swim with my best friends. We drove into Abby's driveway, music blasting. There was an old Beatles song playing on the radio and it somehow made the day seem even brighter. I was bouncing and smiling as I jumped out of the car, not bothering to wait for Fitz and I ran up to the front door. I quickly rang the doorbell and looked back to see Fitz walking toward me. I grabbed his hand the minute he stood beside me and I smiled like I was cheesing for a picture.

"I love it when you're this happy." He smiled lovingly, kissing the back of my hand. I totally blushed like a giddy school girl, but I didn't care. I _was_ really happy. It was the first time since my mother passed that I actually felt like I had the right to smile without her. It was as if she was giving me permission to be in the moment. But that was all shattered when screaming broke us out of our reverie.

I immediately squeezed Fitz's hand in mine feeling confusion wash over me. _Is that Abby?_ I thought. I looked back at Fitz and we could hear her father shouting and Abby screaming for him to let her go. Her mom was yelling at him and then there was a thud. The loudest thud I'd ever heard. It was like the sound of a bowling ball hitting concrete from 50 feet up. Fitz let go of my hand and quickly ran to the car, grabbing a bat from the trunk. It was his father's metal bat, the one Fitz kept on him for moments... well, like these.

He ran back to the door and immediately began hitting the doorknob to get it to break. It disconnected from the door with a loud pop and he kicked the door open to see Abby's mom unconscious while her dad sat on top of her, pinning her arms down by her side. Fitz hit him in the back with the bat causing him to roll over and groan. I stood there frozen in the doorway while Fitz helped Abby up. As they stood there her father stumbled, knocking over a lamp.

"Take her to the car!" Fitz yelled and Abby ran to me as I caught the keys that he threw. I didn't see what happened after that but when Fitz got to the car I noticed blood dripping from his back.

**PRESENT DAY**

I never did find out exactly how Fitz got injured in the scuffle and I guess at that time I didn't want to know.

"Livvie."

"Huh?"

"You were staring off into space. What's going on in that noggin, babe?"

"Nothing." I smiled a little, trying to reassure him. He gave me a smile that said he would leave it alone...for now.

"So your dad called me." He let it out slowly and I could tell that he was trying to figure out when he would tell me. With furrowed brows I tilted my head to the side and waited for him to continue.

"Your birthday's coming up—"

"Fitz." I cut him off whining and rolling my eyes. I haven't had an actual birthday party since my mother's passing, simply because she was the one who threw all of my parties.

"He just wants to make you happy. We both do."

"I am happy," I smiled hard showing all of my teeth. "See?"

"I'm serious, Liv."

"Fitz, I don't want a party. Why can't we just get drunk and smoke weed like we did last year?" I picked up my menu and looked over my options.

"We can do that after the party." He quipped and I put down my menu.

"No."

"Why?"

"You know why. So no. End of story."

"Fine, but I'll have you know that he was really excited to do this for you."

_This is stupid._ I already had my wedding without her. What was the harm in having my birthday without her? It would be fun. Right?

"Fine." Fitz grinned at me in victory and I rolled my eyes again picking back up my menu to block my view of his smug expression.

* * *

"Coming!" I yelled as I shuffled to the front door. My head had been buried inside of a book when I heard the doorbell ring. I approached the large white door and swung it open without even asking who it was (bad habit). "Dad?"

"Surprise." He smiled and I faked one of my own. He entered with his suitcase close behind and I closed the door following him into the living room.

"What are you doing here?" I asked in a light tone, trying to sound chipper and not annoyed like I was.

"Your birthday's this weekend so I thought I would come out to surprise you."

I did a slow nod trying to maintain a smile and my phone began to ring.

"Excuse me, dad. It's Fitz. Do you want anything from the kitchen?"

"No thanks, sweetheart. I'm just going to get settled in one of the guest rooms."

I nodded my head as I watched him walk up the stairs. I entered the kitchen and answered the call.

"My dad is here right now." I rushed out.

"Already?"

"Wait what? What do you mean 'already'? You knew he was coming?"

"Well, yeah..."

"Fitz, why didn't you tell me?"

"Can't be a surprise when you know, Livvie."

"Ugh!" I hung up out of frustration. I love my dad and we were doing well, but I didn't want him here. Not now.

* * *

"How are you?"

"Ehh, I'm okay."

"Have you heard from him at all?"

"Nope, nothing."

"That's good right?"

"I hope."

I could tell that Abby was still sad. Her voice didn't hold its usual upbeat tone and her short answers told me that she still didn't want to talk to anyone, but was forcing herself to. Silence fell as I thought of things to say. I constantly felt like I was going to put my foot in my mouth and say something stupid. Something that would make her cry or yell.

"I'm fine, Liv." She said somewhat convincingly.

"Are you really?"

"Just don't worry about me okay? Go let Fitz corrupt you." We giggled softly before I let out a low groan.

"What?"

"My dad's here."

"You won't want him there?"

"I don't know.

"It's about your birthday, isn't it?" I sighed and she continued. "Olivia, you're allowed to celebrate your life."

"I know that."

"So then stop acting as if you don't. Let your dad throw you a party! At least you have a dad who's stable and cares enough to do so."

"Abby—"

"No, I said that to make a point. Just—stop punishing yourself. Let him do this for you. Please. You deserve it."

I slowly exhaled, clutching the phone tightly in my hand as I looked up at the tall ceiling in the library and whispered:

"Okay."

* * *

I sat in bed reading the same book I had been reading earlier. It was a different take on The Wizard of Oz. In this book Dorothy was evil and had turned Oz into a horrible place. An ordinary girl named Amy (who not so ironically is also from Kansas) must save the day. She of course is extremely skeptical that she is the one that can stop her, but she goes along with it anyway. It made me think about how people often don't see the greatness within themselves even when people of great power try to open our eyes to all the possibilities that lie at our fingertips. But we must have hope even if we don't necessarily think we believe. Because if we didn't wouldn't we have given up a long time ago?

About an hour passed by before I heard Fitz come in and greet my dad. I rolled my eyes at the sound of laughing and sunk deeper into the bed trying to concentrate on the words before me. How could he not tell me he was coming? Okay, yes. It was a surprise. I got that. But still. They knew exactly what they were doing. Blindsiding me with a party. They were pushing me because truth be told, I wasn't going to push myself.

"Hi, babe." He entered the bedroom, closing the door behind him. He removed his clothes, leaving him only in his green checkered boxers and climbed into the bed. I kept my eyes trained on the book as I felt the bed dip and in my peripheral I could see him leaning in for a kiss and I turned on to my side to continue reading.

"Seriously, Liv?"

"I'm trying to read, Fitz."

"And I'm trying to kiss to you, Liv."

I held out my hand behind me for him. Gesturing that he should kiss the back of it because in this moment he wouldn't be kissing anything else. He yanked my hand causing my body to flip over and my book to close.

"I want a real kiss."

"Fine." l pecked his lips and attempted to turn back over only to be stopped.

"That's it?"

"I am not having sex with you while my father is just down the hall from us. You know he picked a room close by on purpose."

"Oh come on, we've been at it like jack rabbits since the honeymoon. Do you really expect me to hold out?"

"You have hands." I smiled sweetly, interlacing our fingers then kissing his knuckles.

"Are you seriously still mad at me?"

"Do you seriously have to ask?"

"Liv, come on. You know we're only doing this because we love you and want the best for you. You were going to let yet another birthday pass you by without a proper celebration."

I sighed in defeat. "Okay."

He leaned in to kiss me again, but I rejected him a second time. He scowled at me and I started to feel bad.

"Babe, seriously though. I want you just as much as you want me, but it's weird."

"Liv, please?" He placed my hand over his growing erection and I almost caved.

"I'm sorry, I promise to make it up to you once he leaves."

Fitz rolled over and buried his head into his pillow groaning in frustration. Then I realized something. This is our house, not my father's. I can do whatever the hell I want with my husband in my house. So I sucked my teeth and rolled my eyes as I turned Fitz over.

"Come here, big baby."

I held his face in my hand and kissed him slowly. "You have to be quiet." I mumbled against his mouth. He pulled back and looked at me funny.

"_I_ have to be quiet?"

"Yes, Fitz. _You_. You grunt and groan way too loudly and you like to talk to me."

"So I can't talk to you?" He pouted as he caressed my thigh.

"You can, quietly."

"Okay, but let's not act like you're so quiet either."

"I'm not, I know I get loud. I'm in control of me."

"Oh yeah?"

All of a sudden Fitz got that sneaky look on his face and I knew he was thinking of ways to make me moan or scream.

"Fitz, don't."

"Don't what?"

"Whatever you're thinking. Don't play with me, Fitzgerald."

"Okay, okay." He pulled me on top of him, allowing me to straddle his waist. He pushed me down a little so that I could feel his arousal and I began stripping, throwing my (well his) t-shirt over my head and pushing my panties to the side; too lazy and horny to get up and remove them. He lifted his hips as I dragged his boxers down to his knees. I grabbed a hold of his length and lined it up with my opening before sliding down, slowly. We both bit down on our bottom lips, fighting the natural urge to express ourselves vocally. After I adjusted to his girth I began to rock back and forth and leaned in to kiss him.

I can't pinpoint it, but something about having his tongue in my mouth while we make love always sends tingles straight to my center. I whimpered softly, slowly losing my resolve. He bit down on my bottom lip and rammed into me, causing my mouth to open in a silent scream.

"Are you making noise, baby?" Usually his smugness would piss me off but he felt so good. I took one of his hands off of my hip and put his fingers where I needed them most.

"Mmm, you're so sexy." He continued to rub circles into my clit and after a while I couldn't take it. I collapsed onto his chest and bit into his shoulder and his hands flew to my ass as he controlled my movements. The friction was driving me insane causing me to squeeze my eyes shut, only seeing black and little specks of gold from the lamp on our beside table as I slowly began to lose myself in him. We had only been having sex for a total of 5 years of our young lives and I had always been told that the best is yet to come.

We were still learning each other's bodies and exploring life's many options of pleasure and for the life of me I could not imagine doing it all with anyone else. Fitz held my heart in a place where only he had access to it and I had his, but it was like every time we had sex, made love or fucked, our hearts would find each other and greet the other in a way that opened all of our senses. Physically, mentally, spiritually and emotionally we were completely vulnerable. Communication at its highest level, as our hearts spoke the language of love

When my orgasm hit me my whole body stilled then jerked uncontrollably as his did the same. We panted as we pulled apart just enough to stare into the others' eyes. Another thing that I couldn't quite do with anyone else. I could stare into his eyes all day and let him stare into mine without feeling self-conscious or awkward. It just felt natural. Still moving slowing, I traced Fitz's nose and lips while his thumbs brushed against the apple of my cheeks. I blushed as I always did after I came and he smiled at me. I smiled back and pecked his lips a few times.

"So I think it's safe to say you broke skin." I furrowed my brows until he nudged the hand I still had placed over his shoulder. There was a deep bite mark embedded into his flesh with small spots of blood.

"Oh my God, Fitz, I'm so sorry." I leaned down to give his shoulder kisses and he chuckled at me. "I'm sorry, baby."

"It's fine, it just stings a little."

"You want ice?" I asked as I traced it lightly with my finger.

"No, I'm okay."

"But it might swell."

"I'll be fine, let's just go to sleep, okay?" He kissed me and I rolled over to get into our usual spooning position, feeling content with life. At least for the moment.

* * *

A few hours later I woke up to Fitz playing in my hair. I was now facing him with my leg draped over his waist and I wondered how I got in such a compromising position. I laughed softly and opened my eyes.

"What's funny?"

"It's like my body is trying to get freaky without my consent," I said looking down at our bodies intertwined beneath the covers.

"Your subconscious put you here. Your body definitely had your consent." He laughed before falling silent again. His hand traveled from my scalp to my neck then to one of my breasts. His middle finger lightly traced my nipple and it caused a throbbing down below. Had I been anyone else I would have thought he was trying to start another round but his face told a different story. He was in deep thought and it was obvious that his thoughts, whatever they were, were keeping him up.

"What is it?" I asked, trying to ignore my arousal as he began to tug at my nipple. He remained quiet and concentrated, so I tried again. "Fitz."

He stopped and looked at me. Still struggling with his words he pulled me closer trying not to poke me with his erection.

"Earlier, what was on your mind?"

I knew he wouldn't let that go, but I had forgotten about it myself, though I can always count on Fitz to remember.

"I—I was..." I'm not sure why I was having such a difficult time sharing my thoughts. I just didn't want to relive that day, but I needed to know. "That day we rescued Abby. What did he do to you? "

"He stabbed me with a knife and told me he would kill me next time."

I didn't expect him to answer me so quickly but I imagine he knew I had always wondered and was waiting for me to ask. I swallowed and steadied my breath, not willing to cry. I knew that he did it, but I guess my mind had always allowed me to believe that maybe Fitz fell into glass while fighting him, but to hear what actually happened to know that it was certainly on purpose and no accident made me feel even more angry and unsafe.

"Livvie, I need you to stop worrying yourself sick. Your birthday is in two days and we are going to have a good time. No one is going to ruin that. Do you hear me?"

I nodded and hugged him tightly, grateful for his tenderness and his love. I thanked God before slowly drifting back to sleep.


	16. Chapter 16 - 22

**A/N: READER DISCRETION IS ADVISED**

* * *

I love the way he touches me. I think I've almost become obsessed with it lately. My mom would tease me. She used to tease me and Fitz when we were kids. Until high school came around and she found out we were having sex. Once she found that out she was sort of down my back about being careful. But now that Fitz and I are married she'd go back to teasing me. She knew how to embarrass me without making me feel completely mortified. It was just enough to make me blush but not enough to make me cry. She would have teased me about being all hot and bothered when he kisses my neck at random, for no real reason. She would have teased me about how I could get pregnant at any moment and how my dad would hit the roof. She would have even teased me about how loud I am if she ever were to hear. She'd say: "Sweetie, I know you and Fitz are in love but you should really learn how to not wake the dead."

Seriously. It's something she would have said. My mother and I were like that. We could talk about those things and she knew what to say and how to say it without making me feel weird or uncomfortable. Don't get me wrong. I wouldn't exactly share what positions Fitz and I do it in all night long, but we were comfortable enough to make those jokes. She would have teased me because she knew how strange I was when it came to boys, but that I had always been myself with Fitz. I was never afraid to get ugly whenever I was around him. It's funny how we went from two kids playing in the dirt together for hours to sucking face...and other body parts. It's a little weird when I think about it for too long, but then I just try not to do that.

"Fuck, Liv. Faster, babe." And this was one of those moments. It was eight in the evening and my dad was out with an old buddy of his and told us not to expect him until after midnight. I was riding Fitz in our big soft bed; palms flat against his chest. I let my hand wander lower on his abs and I could feel the muscles there flexing. I began bouncing and he watched, mesmerized as my breasts did a up and downward dance. He grunted a few times and started to control my movements by grabbing hold of my hips. Not sure what he did, but there was an angle change and I could feel him deeper.

"Shit, Fitz, too much." I moaned, letting my body betray me as I began to grind into him harder. I could feel a tingle run through my entire body. My fingers, toes and most prominently; my clit. My moans turned into gasps and whimpers and his grunts turned into heavy panting. My legs started to cramp, but I was trying hard not to say anything as I didn't want to ruin the moment. Fitz must have sensed my discomfort because next thing I knew I was being flipped over on to my back. He lifted my legs, allowing me to stretch them on his shoulders, seeking deeper access into my treasure. He sweetly kissed my inner thigh before bending forward to kiss me. I sucked on his bottom lip as we both reached our climax. As our hearts slowed down I could feel his breath on me as he buried his face in the crook of my neck. I stroked his hair to get his body to relax as he jerked from the aftershock of his orgasm.

"That was some awesome pre-birthday sex." I giggled.

"Yeah? You want more?" He asked, struggling to slip out of me.

"Feed me first."

"Ah, yes. Food. Let me do that now before you turn into a monster."

I threw a pillow at his head as he walked out of the room laughing.

"Fitz, put pants on!" I called after him. It was still only a little after eight, but I didn't want to take any chances with my father visiting. When Fitz came back to the room he had a turkey sandwich on one plate and on the other was tuna on wheat with cheese and juicy sliced tomatoes. Tuna melt. One of my favorites.

"No wonder you took so long and thanks for not listening." I gestured to his semi-erect member, taking my plate from him. I wouldn't ask why it was growing again, because I knew. Soon after we finished eating he would be ready to go some more and the thought made me smile.

"He said he wouldn't be back till after twelve. It's still early. Relax."

"You know, we won't be able to do that when we have kids so you should get your practice in now."

"So then I take it that means you're also going to practice keeping quiet?" He challenged.

"And you." I challenged back.

"Shouldn't we start 'practicing' once you're actually pregnant and just have as much fun as we can now?"

"We'll still have fun."

"Yeah, but we'll have to be careful. We still have minimal responsibilities at the moment."

"Okay, practice will start five months into my first pregnancy."

"Deal. Now eat up so we can fuck."

"Fitz!" I scolded, flicking his bicep with my middle finger.

"I'm sorry." He chuckled at his own crude humor and I tried to mask my own laughter with a scowl. "Livvie, my love, please finish your food so that I may continue making sweet, passionate love to you."

"Better." I approved, kissing his small pink lips before I dug into my sandwich.

* * *

I never hated parties. Before my mom died I loved them. To be perfectly honest, I think birthdays remind me of death now. I allow myself to have happy moments but birthday parties bring me back to a place where my mother existed and I'm reminded of the love I felt for her and for those around me and it paralyzes me because I know that they'll all eventually die. Death is inevitable. And that... that is absolutely terrifying.

I regret that my last words to her weren't "I love you". In fact, I was somewhat dismissive the last time we spoke. She wanted to take me out for dinner and have mommy/daughter time, but I was mad at her for some dumb reason. I was being a typical teenager I guess. She called before leaving work that day and asked if I wanted to go to our favorite restaurant and I remember rejecting her. I told her I'd rather study and hung up before we could exchange "I love yous".

The next morning I woke up to my father in tears. I remember running out of the house to look for her car, any sign of her, but came up empty. She had been run off the road by another driver and died at the scene. I hated myself for a long time after that. Actually I never quite got around to liking myself now that I think about it. I know I should have sought out therapy but I just kept my feelings to myself.

I don't talk about it much (well, I don't talk about it at all), but I began cutting shortly after my mother's funeral. Abby caught me trying to cover it up with makeup one day and I made her promise not to tell if I promised to stop. But here I was with one of my father's blades pressed deep against my brown flesh.

At 3:10 in the morning, on my birthday, I was punishing myself. Because the last time I spoke to my mom I was a total bitch and in my mind that meant that I didn't deserve to be happy. Sitting in the tub, I leaned against the pristine white tiled wall as I started to feel slightly light headed. I heard the door knob jiggle and jumped at the sound.

"Liv?"

_Shit!_ I couldn't let him see me like this. This was the one thing Fitz never knew about me and I wanted to keep it that way.

"One second, Fitz." I rushed to the sink in an attempt to wash off the blood.

"Come on, I have to pee."

"Use the bathroom down the hall."

I heard a groan then the scuffle of feet as he left the room in search of one of the guest bathrooms. I pressed a small dark colored washcloth against my arm in hopes that the bleeding would stop. After what had to have been two or three minutes I discarded the cloth into the hamper in the corner of the bathroom before rummaging through the linen closet, looking for a spare nightshirt. Preferably something long sleeved. Once I was satisfied with my findings I took a few deep breathes before entering our bedroom.

I sighed in relief when I saw Fitz fast asleep again in the middle of the bed, taking up space. I smiled a little at the thought of our future children doing the same someday then I crawled into bed rolling him over as I snuck my arms underneath his, wrapping them around his chest. I felt him sink into me and I wished he was awake so I could tease him. He would always claim that this position was emasculating and it made him uncomfortable but when I would do it in his sleep he would have the same reaction. Deep down he loved it and he knew it.

* * *

A pair of strong teeth woke me up to greet the sun shining through our half open blinds. Fitz was nibbling at the soft sensitive skin on my cheeks and I smiled, turning over to see him smiling back.

"Hi."

"Hi."

"Happy birthday, Turtle."

I groaned playfully. "Please don't call me 'turtle' in public today."

"No promises." He smiled as he began a tickle attack. I laughed and reached up to push him off, but regretted it immediately because when he pinned my arms down to gain control he saw it. There was a patch of dry blood on my sleeve and I internally cursed myself for not wearing a darker shirt, something that would have better disguised the bright red stain that seeped through the pale yellow top.

"Shit, Liv, you're bleeding."

"What?" I looked at my arm and sat up pulling it close to myself.

"What happened?"

"I'm not sure, I'm gonna look at it." I moved to walk to the bathroom but he held me in place.

"Livvie, why is there blood on your shirt?"

"I—um..." I struggled to speak, not knowing what words to use. He looked at me for a few seconds and I could see the light bulb moment by the way of his eyes. When it clicked for him and he realized what was going on.

"Olivia, I'm going to ask you this once and you're not gonna get mad and you're not gonna lie to me. Did you do this?" He reached for my arm and I reluctantly allowed him to remove it from its position against my chest. I tried to speak again but nothing came out so he asked again as he started to slowly peel back my sleeve.

"Livvie did you cut yourself?" He looked at me and I finally nodded with tears crowding the space at the top of my lower lash line.

He successfully pushed my sleeve to my elbow and when he spotted the fresh scar in the middle of my arm his face grimaced in pain.

"Baby." He whispered. "Why would you do this?" He looked into my eyes for answers and I still couldn't manage a response that wasn't unintelligible.

"Livvie, please. Baby, tell me. Why'd you do this?"

I couldn't do anything but shake my head and cry. Realizing that I wasn't ready to talk he pulled me in and allowed me to sob; dampening his gray t-shirt. After a few strokes to my hair and multiple kisses to my forehead I was able to calm down enough to speak, only I was still afraid and unsure of what to say.

"We're not leaving this bed until you tell me why you would harm yourself."

"I don't know." I barely whispered, head still buried in his chest.

"Olivia, you know. Now tell me."

"It's what I deserve."

He pulled away and gripped my arms trying to study my disposition, see if he could find an answer written on my face as to why I would say something so morbid.

"What are you talking about?"

I sniffed, wiping a tear away form my face. "I can't have this party, Fitz."

"Why?"

"Because I don't deserve it."

"For the love of God, Olivia, please tell me what the hell that means."

"My mother is dead Fitz! I was an absolute bitch the last time we spoke. I was horrible to her and she died! I don't get to celebrate my life because that is a privilege for good daughters."

I looked away with the last thing I said. I felt so exposed talking to Fitz about this. I know he was upset with me that I could think such things and do what I did.

"Olivia." I remained mute, trying to look out of the window through the small sliver of light that the blinds exposed. He lost his patience and took my face into his hand, forcing me to look at him.

"Listen to me. You are an amazing daughter. I've known you my entire life and I have always admired the way you treat people, including your parents. So you weren't the sweetest that last day you spoke with her, she knew Livvie. I promise you she knew. Just like you know she loved you too."

I couldn't say anything. I didn't want to talk about this anymore. I looked down and Fitz let go of my face. He must have been able to tell because he changed the subject.

"Are you hungry?" I wasn't, but I nodded my head anyway knowing he wouldn't allow me to go without breakfast. He nodded and got up to go down to the kitchen, presumably to make something to eat. I got up and followed him to the door but he turned around to look at me.

"Get back in bed. It's your birthday."

"Fitz—"

"If you're not ready for a party, fine. We will call it off. But it's my wife's birthday and I would like to serve her breakfast in bed. Can I do that? Will you let me do that?"

I nodded and allowed him to kiss my lips before climbing back into bed.

* * *

We ate in mostly silence. I knew he had more questions but he knew I wasn't ready to answer any of them. I noticed that I had no knife on my tray and that my food had already been cut up. I was also given a plastic fork. I wanted to be mad, but I guess I had no right to be. He was genuinely concerned and more than likely, though he'd never show it, frightened. But as I watched him eat with his metal utensils I couldn't help but feel like a child or worse, a mental patient.

"Don't you think you're being a little extreme?" I said, finally finding my voice as I lifted my plastic fork.

"No, I don't."

"Seriously, Fitz? You think I'd cut myself in front of you? Don't you think I would at least have the decency to do it when you're not around?"

"You shouldn't be doing it at all." He paused. Collecting his thoughts, careful with his words. He had never seen me this way and he probably didn't want to push me over the edge with no knowledge of what hid behind. "I want you to see someone."

"Fitz, no."

"Olivia—"

"**NO**."

"And that attitude is why I gave you a plastic fork." He got up to collect my tray, walking out of the room in anger before he said anything else. Something he could never take back.

* * *

"Dad I'm fine, I just don't feel up to a party."

"Olivia, sweetheart, it's your birthday."

"I'm aware, dad."

"Fitz, please talk to her."

"I don't think I can fix this one, Eli."

"What going on?" My father looked between Fitz and me. Waiting on an answer as to why we seemingly had no real reason for canceling. Fitz and I shared looks. Mine of guilt. His of pain.

"One of you better say something."

Fitz opened his mouth to speak but I was so scared, my heart was racing and I could see that my dad sensed there being a real problem. A problem that we weren't open to discussing. So I beat him to it and spoke first. The first lie that came to my head.

"I have my period and I just don't wanna be around anyone."

My dad looked at us, not really believing that my menstrual cycle was why I didn't want a party, but he relented. Saying we should at least have a quiet dinner together and he left to go to the grocery store so that he could get everything he would need to cook.

"We can't lie to him forever."

"I know." And I did. So much so that the knowledge of that reality added to my pain.

* * *

**A/N: IF YOU OR ANYONE YOU KNOW IS HARMING THEMSELVES IN ANYWAY ASK FOR HELP. DONT WAIT. BECAUSE THEIR LIFE COULD DEPEND ON IT.**


	17. Chapter 17 - Soulmate

**A/N: Bear with me. The story is a reflection of my mind...all over the place.**

Soulmate. That is the only way I can explain what or who Fitz is to me. So you can imagine how heartbroken my soulmate was when I used makeup removal wipes on my left arm in order to show him scars that I had been hiding from him for at least four years. When I saw his hand clasped over his face as tears began to form in his eyes I looked away. I was angry with myself all over again. I knew he felt guilty for not knowing. I knew he thought he was a bad husband and a horrible friend, for not being able to see it, but the truth is I made sure it was hidden well. I made sure I was careful. After the first time Abby caught me I became sneakier. A master of disguise.

"How did I not know?" He whispered sadly, lying in bad across from me.

"Fitz, please. Don't. This is not your fault. I purposely made sure you'd never know and I was very careful up until last night."

"I still don't understand how you could do this."

"I know."

"I'm not letting this go."

"I'm not going to see anyone about this, Fitz. It's not gonna happen."

"Why? Give me one good reason."

"Who are you, my father?"

"Liv, don't do that."

"Just stop! Leave it alone."

"I will not leave it alone. You're my wife!" He paused as we both realized that we were yelling at eachother. "What would you do if it were me?"

I looked up at him, making my eyebrows kiss. I hated him in that moment for making me feel guilty.

"That's not fair, Fitz."

"Exactly."

Licking my lips, shaking my head and rolling my eyes I couldn't believe what was about to leave my mouth.

"Fuck, fine. I'll see someone, Fitz. Are you happy?"

I could see him tense up at my tone and use of language. I continued to feel even worse about the situation than I already had. I didn't want to yell or curse, but I was angry.

"I'm sorry." I reached to kiss him and he moved away. I looked at him, confused as to why he was rejecting me in that moment. That was the last thing I wanted. He saw the expression on my face and I could see that he was beginning to feel bad.

"I don't want you to think that I don't want you but I can't right now. I need you to be okay. Tell me what I can do to make you okay."

"Right now? I just need you to kiss me."

He gave in and gave me the sweetest kiss I had ever received. So sweet that I began to cry. When my tears landed on his face he pulled back, wiping them away with his thumb and kissing the rest away with his lips. He took my arm and at first I internally freaked out but I let him anyway. He lifted my wrist to his mouth and kissed down the length of my arm, covering every inch of my scars. I became more emotional than I anticipated and all I wanted was for him to love me. I gently pulled my arm away and began to kiss him again. Deeply and passionately. I reached for his pants and he stopped me.

"Fitz, please." He knew what I was asking. I wasn't just asking him to have sex with me. I was asking him to reassure me. To diminish my insecurities and make me feel whole. At least for the time being.

* * *

"Damn, so what did he do?"

"He got angry. He's still angry."

"Do you think he has a right to be angry."

"To a certain degree, I guess."

"Does your dad know?"

"Definitely not."

"Are you going to tell him."

"I don't know."

"Do you think you should."

"Abby, I know you care, but I really don't wanna talk about me anymore."

"Okay, fine."

I fidgeted in the chair, sitting in the library, hunched over with a book in my lap. There was dead air traveling through the phone for a few seconds before Abby began talking again.

"So, do you know what you wanna do when school starts back up?"

_Finally. A topic I can handle._

"Yeah. I think I wanna get back into photography."

"Really?" Abby squealed. It brought a smile to my face to hear her excited for me.

"Yeah, I don't know. It just feels right. I think I was kidding myself with the whole journalism thing. I mean I didn't hate it but I think I was trying to compromise for my dad. I just wanna take pictures, you know?"

"Yeah. I know."

"So what about you?"

"I'm gonna stick to baking. I really wanna open up a bakery, but not something ordinary. Something really cool and different. Like a specialty shop."

"I think that's a perfect idea."

"I think so too. I just wanna get back to my happy place. To our happy place."

I inhaled, closing my eyes. "Me too."

* * *

The beauty of life is being able to feel completely comfortable in the company of others. By nature, I am a fairly awkward person. I'm not a huge fan of crowds but I wouldn't necessarily call myself a loner. Part-time maybe.

Naked, I straddled Fitz's stomach, feeling the ridges of his abs against my most intimate flesh. He laid flat on his back, hands behind his head, looking straight into my eyes as I played with his bottom lip. He reached out to massage my breasts and I covered his hand with my own before holding on to his forearms as he continued his gentle assault on my body. He lifted his palms and lightly pinched both of my nipples causing my breath to hitch.

He let go and slowly ran his hands down my torso, placing them on my thighs before they inched towards my labia. Spreading the lips of my vagina, he grazed his thumb against my my clit making my stomach muscles contract. He stared as I still held on to his wrists. He played with me almost innocently, if that's even possible to do. Like a curious little boy trying to figure out what makes a flower blossom or what determined the pigment of the peddles, wondering if that bud in the middle would react to the slightest touch.

"You're so beautiful."

I giggled. "Thank you?"

"I'm serious."

"It's kind of hard to take you seriously when you're telling me I'm beautiful while staring at my vagina."

"Your vagina is beautiful too."

I wanted to laugh at his comment but his tone was still way too serious for me. Not just an honest serious, but something sad.

"Fitz." I stilled his hands, effectively stopping his vaginal inspection and he looked up at me. "What is it?"

"You're beautiful and I can't understand why you would want to–"

I placed my fingers over his lips not wanting him to say it. To say that he couldn't understand how such a beautiful, intelligent, talented young woman could succumb to something so destructive.

"I wish I could tell you but I'm not even completely sure, myself."

"Can you stop? Will you stop?" His voice cracked and I couldn't look at him anymore because I was tired of crying. I wanted to say yes, but I once told Abby the same thing so I wasn't quite sure what to tell him or if I would and be able to hold such a heavy promise.

"I'm going to talk to someone… okay?" I turned to look at him for his response and the unshed tears in his eye were breaking my heart. "Your penis is beautiful, too." I interrupted his thoughts and he furrowed his brows at me.

"What?"

"I never told you, but I've always thought you've had the most beautiful perfectly pink penis I've ever seen." I chuckled. "So now that you've told me that you think my vagina is beautiful I just thought I'd tell you that I think the same about your penis."

He reached up for my neck with his thumb under my chin, still holding the most serious expression on his face.

"I'm serious." I knew what he meant. He was serious about wanting me to stop. And I wanted to. For him. For me.

"I know. I'm going to try." Try wasn't good enough for him, but he wouldn't say it.

I couldn't bare disappointing him anymore. I began to feel uncomfortable for the first time in a long time and began to move off of him, but stopped when he spoke.

"Can my perfectly pink penis reunite with your beautiful vagina?" He smirked, teasingly. I laughed a little, blushing at my confession and we made love again until the earth turned and the sun reappeared.

* * *

Sunday came and went. Fitz surprised me by taking me to church. The same church our mothers brought us to. I admit, I felt happier. I sang and clapped just like I used to. It amazed me sometimes how Fitz knew exactly what I needed. I closed my eyes as I let the music take me. I said a silent prayer asking God for forgiveness. Asking for his undying love. Asking for him to never leave my side.

At one point in my young adult life I felt like God was nudging me. Like a calling. And for whatever reason I felt like that meant I was meant to become a nun. I don't know. I think I was a little lost after Fitz and I became intimate because truthfully, I felt too young and ashamed because we weren't married. While in the same regard feeling as though it was right, like we were indeed soulmates and I know that sounds corny and cliche but it's how I feel.

As we made love, high after smoking 3 blunts, I could feel him inside of so much more prominently than before. I felt so light, surpassing all the clouds in the sky, entering space as gravity became a forgone conclusion. It was now Monday night and we were "lit" from smoking an eighth, weed supplied by Huck, someone we went to jr high with. I rode Fitz, feeling the urge to stick my middle finger in his mouth before bringing it to my clit, rubbing slow circles on it, alerting every sensitive nerve.

"Oh my–"

I couldn't finish my sentence. I felt like a feather, floating in the air and I began to moan louder, surprising myself with the sounds my own larynx made.

"I love it when you play with your pussy, Livvie." Fitz spoke against my breasts leaning up to suck on my nipples. His words did a number on me as I felt the throbbing in my clit grow stronger and I knew I was in for trouble. I began to mumble unintelligibly, gripping the nape of his neck. I held on to his curls as my orgasm rippled through my body and my stomach contracted in an almost painful way. The spasms were ongoing and I didn't think I could survive another. Fitz, realizing I was having my first real intense orgasm, kissed my neck and the side of my face, rubbing my back to settle me.

"Water." I barely got out before I began to hyperventilate. Fitz became frantic. He gently disconnected our bodies before getting cold water for me to drink. I sipped on the bottled water that he retrieved from the mini fridge by our bed and let out a breathy laugh before focusing on my breathing. "I think that was more than my body could handle." In that moment any other guy would have made a joke about how strong their "sex game" was but Fitz knew the history of my panic attacks and wasn't too thrilled about seeing me in that way again.

Thankfully it wasn't too bad and didn't last very long. My breathing was back to normal and I stroked the side of his face, trying to smooth out the crease in his forehead, doing my best to prevent worry lines from forming.

"Fitz, I'm fine."

"What triggered it?"

"I really just think it was my body's natural reaction to that burst of adrenaline." _Also considering the fact that we were very stoned._

"You're sure you're fine?"

I opened my eyes wider to show him my pupils. "I'm fine."

He sighed, tension visibly leaving his body. "Okay."

"It'll never be as bad as it was, I promise." I reassured, referring to how bad my anxiety attacks used be when I was a kid and after my mother died.

"You don't know that."

"Fitz, listen to me. I _am_ okay."

He nodded his head giving me a tight wary smile.

"Welp," I began, ready to play with his head. "I guess we can't have sex anymore."

He gave me a face, scrunching up his nose.

"You're causing me unnecessary anxiety and it's making you sad." I tried to hold in my laughter but his playful scowl broke me like an egg.

"It's not funny." He pouted.

"I know, I know. It's scary, but I'm good, okay?" He nodded his head and I pecked his lips?

"Shower?"

"Separate."

I tilted my head with an annoyed expression that read "seriously?"

"Just humor me, Liv."

Sighing, I grabbed a towel walking into our en suite bathroom. "Fine, but this is the _only_ time."

I refused to allow him to think that I would let him make a habit out of this. In my mind he was being silly, but I understood his stance on the situation. It was hard on him, seeing me get so worked up to the point of becoming an agoraphobic. It was something that I had conquered in high school but it flared up after my mom's passing. I managed to get it under control, but I still had my moments. Granted they weren't nearly as bad as they used to be. I was getting better with it and I needed him to trust that I was getting the rest of me there too. He pecked my lips before we went our separate ways only to reunite minutes later.


	18. Chapter 18 - I Shrunk the Shrink

**A/N: It's kind of short but ehh, enjoy :)**

* * *

**FIVE YEARS AGO**

It was late. We were all tipsy, high and hungry. We had all just left a party. Well the guys did. The girls and I snuck into a bar and sang Karaoke. It was funny, but also surprising to hear how good we sounded considering that we were all pretty fucked up.

Abby, myself and a few of our other girlfriends met up with Fitz and his friends. When we walked in the deli we saw them ordering their food. We got closer and Fitz hugged me, squeezing me like I had been missed even though we just saw each other probably less than two hours ago.

"You high?" He questioned.

"Yeah."

"You look high." He smiled.

"Shut up."

"You hungry?"

"No. Not now."

"You, sure?"

"Uhh..." I began, eyeing the menu. "Actually, get me some onion rings."

He chuckled at me and ordered our food. Once our food was done we all sat down at a booth and ate. After about two hours raising hell inside of the deli we all left. Going our separate ways. Before getting back into Abby's car I turned around to say goodbye. Without words or even a look we kissed one another, a quick loving peck that felt so natural.

"Hi." He said.

I don't know if it was the weed or the tone in his voice, maybe both, but it made my lips curl, showing off all 32 of my teeth.

"Hi." We stared for a few seconds then parted. Abby teased me all the way home.

* * *

**PRESENT DAY**

It's always different. Sometimes we wake up on opposite sides of the bed, other times we wake up a ball of tangled limbs. This particular morning I found myself in a cocoon of sheets, face buried in his chest while his right arm laid haphazardly across the left side of my face. I groaned lightly as I stretched and he stirred at my movement.

"Hi."

I smiled. "You think that'll ever get old?"

"What, saying hi?"

"Yeah, I mean, the way we do."

"Never babe, even when we're old that will remain forever young." He kissed my nose and then started to move off of the bed. I looked at his morning wood and when he caught my eye he covered himself with his boxers; the boxers he threw on the love seat last night before "attacking" me.

"Nope, you can't look."

"Why?"

"You know why."

I rolled my eyes, annoyed with his indecisiveness. "We had sex like 5 times last night."

"I was tricked. "

"Tricked? Fitz you jumped on me."

"You kept teasing me, but I won't let it happen again. I was serious." Serious? He was serious?

"You do realize that I can just use my fingers or go buy a vibrating dildo."

"Then do that." He grinned dropping his boxers, allowing me to see his penis in all it's pink glory as it stared me down. He started the shower and I huffed falling back into the bed. Guess it's time I start opening my mouth.

* * *

"When did you start?" Dr. Franklin was full figured with skin the color of peanut butter. Her dreads fell short against her neck and her glasses laid perched up on her nose. So far she annoyed me but it could have been because I just didn't wanna be there.

"Start what?"

"Cutting."

I sighed heavily, not wanting to speak but I knew Fitz would be pissed at me again if I came home yet again accomplishing nothing.

"After my mother died."

"Why?"

"I don't know."

"Come on, Olivia."

"What?"

"Talk to me."

I flared my nose in aggravation as I looked at one of the paintings that hung on her poorly decorated walls. _Who the hell still uses wallpaper?  
_  
"If not for me, for Fitz."

I snapped my head back around at her words. I wasn't sure if I should have been upset or if what she said should have pushed me to speak. But I didn't know how to feel so I just looked at her until she spoke again.

"For your mother?"

That pushed me over the edge. How dare this bitch bring my mother into it. Though I suppose she was already involved, but still! She didn't know anything about me or Fitz _or_ my mother.

"You don't know anything about her."

"So then tell me."

"There's nothing to tell."

"You know," she said, removing her glasses. "You don't have to talk to me but your wasting time coming here."

"You're right. I won't waste anymore time." I grabbed my bag as I got up and left. _Fitz is definitely going to be pissed._

* * *

"Why didn't you stay, Olivia?" My usually cheery husband was yelling at me. The veins in his neck were screaming "hello" and his eyes bugged out of his head. I couldn't blame him for being so upset but I really wished he wouldn't yell.

"Because I have nothing to say!"

"You said you'd talk to someone!"

"I'm talking to you!"

He paused breathing harder by the second, pinching the bridge of his nose. I was sure I was going to give this man an ulcer.

"Olivia if you don't go into that office next week and speak to her I'm leaving."

"What?"

"**I am leaving.**" He annunciated each syllable of every word so that I knew he wasn't kidding.

"Leaving? And going where?"

"Don't worry about it. You clearly care about nothing anyway."

"Fitz..."

"You don't get it. You don't know what it's like to love someone so much and watch them destroy themselves."

"I'm sorry." I whispered.

"I'm begging you, Olivia, please." He was trying his best not to be emotional but the sound of his voice betrayed him. I nodded my head, meaning it this time. I hated this. I hated myself because I needed to find better ways of dealing with my shit. And I knew that meant no stubbornness. I had to push past whatever was stopping me.

* * *

"Are you coming back, ever?" I asked Abby, sitting across from her on her queen sized plush bed. Her mom and sister informed me that Abby's father was arrested yet again and wouldn't be bothering anyone for a while. Relieved was not the word.

"I don't know, I think you and Fitz need your time alone. When you start popping out babies I'll come back to help."

I blushed slightly. "You promise?"

"Uh Duh!"

She threw her stuffed Dumbo at me and we laughed until we heard Abby's mom telling us that lunch was ready. We walked into the kitchen and sat down at the table.

"So how's married life treating you?" Abby's mom questioned lovingly.

"It's a lot of work."

"It sure is, but you two can do it. Oh, before I forget, I have something for you."

I sipped on my apple juice looking up at her expectantly. She walked over to the living room disappearing behind the kitchen's swinging door. I looked at Abby for answers and she just shrugged, not knowing what her mom was up to. When she walked back into the room she handed me a medium sized box. She instructed me to open it and when I did I found stress balls, rubber bands, yarn and a crocheting needle.

"It helped me, before AA."

I looked at Abby, at first mad that she told her mother about my little issue, but she gave me an apologetic smile and I didn't wanna blow up on her in front of her mom.

"Thank you. I appreciate this."

* * *

"I can't believe she told her."

"She's worried too, Liv."

I turned to face Fitz as I sat next to him on the couch, legs tucked beneath me. He called me Liv. Not Livvie, but it was something and that something gave me hope that we were moving in the right direction.

"I don't want people looking at me like I'm some mental case."

"Then don't act like one."

That hurt. I knew he wasn't saying it to hurt my feelings, but it did anyway. But the truth was I was acting like a crazy person. He was standing by me as I mutilated my arms and I acted like it was normal.

"I noticed them."

"What?"

"The cuts. I noticed them along time ago."

"Fitz, what are you talking about?" I was so confused. Was I hearing him right? Was he saying he knew? Was he trying to make me feel guilty on purpose?

"I didn't think it was you though. I had no idea you were doing it, but I noticed them and I wanted to ask you but I didn't know how and when I finally realized it was you I felt like it was partly my fault. For not saying something sooner. For not being there for you the way I should have. So me being mad at you, it's not just about you. I feel guilty too. I take a part in this too."

"I'm not your responsibility, Fitz."

"That doesn't matter. I should have been better."

Sighing, feeling tired and annoyed with the situation, I faced him and made him look at me.

"We're better now. Okay? We see it and we're making improvements now."

"Olivia, promise me, you'll try. That means speaking to Dr. Franklin."

"I promise. I'm sorry."

I held his face and he pulled away to kiss my palms.

"I love you." He spoke against my wrist.

"I love you, more. From here to the end of the universe."


	19. Chapter 19 - Don't Beat Yourself Up

Adorned - Chapter 18 - Don't Beat Yourself Up

_Cause I love me, I love me enough for the both of us_

_That's why you trust me, I know you been through more than most of us_

_So what are you, what are you, what are you so afraid of?_

_Darling you, you give but you cannot take love_

__From Time by Drake feat. Jhené Aiko__

* * *

****A/N: TRIGGER WARNING. SELF HARM.****

**_THREE YEARS AGO_**

_Balling up my fists tightly, as if I was attempting to crush the air that made its way into my hands, I raised them high above my head before pounding into my own thighs and calves. I threw multiples punches before growing tired. I hit so hard it was as if I could already feel the purple-ish/blue bruises that would later form on my chestnut colored skin. Crying, I balled up my right fist again and took a jab at my own jaw. The small cracking sound and immediate tightness I felt took me by surprise causing my eyes to widen as I opened my mouth to make sure I hadn't done any real damage. Still not convinced that I had punished myself enough I slapped myself a couple of times until the sting of my cheek became prominent. I cried harder, telling myself how stupid, ugly and worthless I was. _

_"I hate you." I repeated over and over to myself. _

_And I did hate me. I hated me so much._

**PRESENT DAY**

"You did that?" Fitz nearly whispered in my direction.

He was sitting in on my therapy session just as Dr. Franklin requested. I was very hesitant at first but I knew that it had to happen. If I wanted us to make it, it had to happen. Fitz was looking at me. I only knew because I could feel his gaze scorching craters into the side of my head, but I refused to match it. Not after what I had just confessed. To say that I was embarrassed would be an understatement. I know I sounded crazy. Here I was telling them that I basically beat myself up. Who does that? I know who. Mental patients. The clinically insane. Not nice normal girls. Not me. At least that's what I wanted to tell myself.

I nodded my head finally answering his question, keeping my eyes on the chipped black nail polish that I still had yet to remove. I picked at the dark paint feeling completely nervous about what Fitz was thinking.

"How does that make you feel, Fitz?" Dr. Franklin spoke up after a moment of silence.

"I don't know." He paused. "Confused."

"Why confused? What exactly don't you understand?"

"I don't understand how she could do something like that to herself or how she could tell herself those things."

"Does it make you sad?"

"Yes." He answered quickly, instantly making me feel guilty. "It makes me very sad."

"Olivia." I looked up when she said my name. "I would like for you to do an exercise. When you go home I want you look at yourself in the mirror and with some lipstick, separate the middle with a line. At the top you're going to write the things you think people see in you and at the bottom you're going to write the things you see in yourself. When you're done I want you to ask Fitz to circle everything he agrees with and then I want you to discuss those things together in depth. Okay?"

I nodded, letting her know that I understood and agreed to the exercise. __Whatever it takes.__

* * *

"God, Liv. What did Fitz say?"

Abby and I were laying down in her bedroom, my head laid back against her stomach as she laid on her back with her head propped up on her pillow. I was telling her about my session and her reaction didn't surprise me after I told her what I told them.

"He said that he couldn't understand why I would do such a thing."

"I have to second that."

"I can't explain it."

"You don't have to. I'm just glad you stopped...Right?"

I nodded my head but that clearly wasn't good enough. I felt her rise up and I moved over to lay beside her.

"You're not doing that anymore, right, Liv?"

"No."

She sighed in relief and I exhaled, dropping my head onto the pillow beside her.

"Why won't you let him in?" She rolled onto her side to get a better look at me.

"What are you talking about?" I stared at her as if she were Medusa with a dozen serpents hissing from her head. "I am letting him in. He was in the session with me. That's letting him in."

"From what you told me, you didn't even look at him. He's probably terrified right now. You're his wife and he heard you say that you've been self-destructive and not just in the past but also in the present." She lifted my left arm, pointing out my semi-fresh scars. "Why can you look at me and Dr. Franklin but not Fitz?"

"Because I'm ashamed. How can he love me after what he now knows?"

"Because that's what you do. You look passed every imperfection and love who love anyway."

"Abby?"

"Yeah?"

"Truth?"

"Okay."

"Am I a hard person to love?"

She took her time and I could see her considering her words before she spoke.

"Yes." She paused and I thought she was done but then she spoke again. "But If she's amazing, she won't be easy. If she's easy, she won't be amazing. If she's worth it, you won't give up. If you give up, you're not worthy... Truth is, everybody is going to hurt you; you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for."

She quoted Bob Marley and I replied with a teary smile. It was one of my favorite quotes. I actually had it painted above my bed when Abby and I lived together.

"Thanks, Abby." I finally said, hugging her tight. She knew that I meant more than thanks for her words. I was saying thanks for her friendship. For never throwing in the towel. For always kicking me in the butt when I needed it and for wiping my tears when I couldn't manage the strength to do it on my own. I was grateful. For her and for Fitz.

* * *

Standing before the full length mirror that stood adjacent to the large bay window of our bedroom, I sighed heavily. There were plenty of full length mirrors around the house but we felt like the one in our bedroom would be most appropriate. It was framed by thick wood, that had been carved to look like it had been braided, giving it a majestic-fairytale feel. It was beautiful and it reminded me of the banister that Brandy Norwood held onto as she sang in the 90s multi-cultural version of Cinderella. But most importantly it was much more intimate and personal. Which is what we needed for this exercise.

I averted my gaze, as he watched me write down adjectives over the smooth surface. After I was done I handed him the worn lipstick. It was a soft shade of pink that I had never used and I wasn't sure why I even bought it in the first place because I hate pink. Any shade. He walked closer and I watched as he circled every positive word I had written. He turned around after circling the last word and for the first time in a few days I looked at him.

"Beautiful." He pointed to one of the words above the rose pink line. Though I now think of myself as beautiful I still thought it was more of what people saw rather than what I saw myself.

"Intelligent." Another word people used when describing me. It wasn't that I really saw myself as dumb I just often felt inadequate so I didn't always think of myself as smart, but realistically I knew I was.

"Why is sexy down here but beautiful up here?" He asked with a quizzical expression.

I wasn't sure if it made sense but to me beautiful was far more important than sexy. Sexy meant that a guy wanted to fuck you, but beautiful meant that he wanted to wake up beside you afterward. I didn't feel worthy of being anything more than sexy.

"They're just different." I said not really knowing how to explain myself.

"How?" He got closer. "What's the difference?"

"I–I don't know." I stumbled over my words as his breath tickled the bridge of my nose. I looked up and watched his stormy irises as his pupils focused in on my own.

"Is it this? Does this make you feel sexy?"

He grazed my pantie line as I stood in gray gyms shorts and a camisole, him in only a pair of plaid pajama bottoms.

"Or this?"

This time his hand dipped into my panties, the tips of his fingers brushing against my throbbing clit. When my head flew back, bottom lip between my teeth, stifling a small moan he removed his hand and gripped my neck so that my face could meet his. He kissed my lips lightly then pulled away as he lifted my arm to his mouth kissing my scars like before.

"And this? Does this make you feel beautiful?"

He then lifted my camisole, setting my breasts free as I wasn't wearing a bra.

"Or what about this?" He peppered kisses around my areolas knowing that I once hated my breasts because I used to feel self-conscious about their small size.

It amazed me that he was able to interpret what I meant when I said that there was a difference between beautiful and sexy. He understood me to a T and it reiterated how truly perfect he was for me. Is for me. When he wrapped his tongue around my nipple my hands grabbed onto his head, careful not to pull too hard on his waves. He'd probably never admit it but he hated when I tugged at his hair. It isn't exactly the most pleasant feeling to have someone practically rip strands of hair out of your scalp, but he never complained and I loved him for it.

Lifting me onto the bed he gently pushed me on my back as he wrapped his large hands around my wrists, holding my hands slightly above my head. When I realized he wasn't moving anymore I opened my eyes to see him staring at me.

"Don't _ever_ tell yourself those horrible things ever again. You are **not** ugly." He kissed me. "You are **not** stupid." He kissed me again. "And you are **not** worthless. Do you understand me?"

I nodded my head never looking away, mesmerized by the look in his eyes.

"Say it." He nuzzled my neck with his nose. "I wanna hear you say it."

With a deep breath I opened my mouth and struggled to repeat what he'd just said.

"I am not ugly." He kissed me as he did just a few moments earlier when the same words left his lips and I could feel my breathing become ragged as my face became wet with emotion. "I am not stupid." Another kiss heartwarming kiss. "I am not worthless."

"I love me. Say it." That shocked me a bit. I wasn't sure if he remembered me saying how I repeatedly told myself "I hate you" but clearly he hadn't forgotten. I struggled with this one a little more and he sensed my hesitation. He looked into my eyes and let go of my wrists as he held my face with both hands. "Say it."

Licking my lips, as my eyes continued to water, I whispered. "I love me."

"Louder." He brought one of his hands back to my lower lips, spreading them before entering one of his thick long digits.

"I love me." I expressed again, raising my voice up by a couple of decibels.

"Again." His thumb drew slow firm circles into my bundle of nerves while his middle and four finger pumped faster in and out of me.

"I love me." This time a little louder.

"One more time." He whispered, his hand working double time.

"I love me." I yelled as my abdominal muscles contracted and came hard all over his hand. I rode it out as his hand slowed down and he continued to shower my face with more kisses.

"I love you, Livvie. _All of you_."

And in that moment I think I loved all of me too.

* * *

"You ready?"

Summer was coming to an end and it was our first official day of classes. I was nervous. New environment. New school. New People. Well considering that we were in our hometown it wasn't completely foreign, but still. I gave him a weak smile before looking off into the distance.

"Hey,"

I looked away from watching the students walking the concrete and crossing the grass of the campus to meet his beautiful blues. He reached over the center console grabbing a hold of my neck, affectionately rubbing it, knowing how much that move soothed me.

"You're gonna be fine, babe. Your professors will love you and your classmates will be bombarding you for test answers."

I giggled at his light jabs. Regardless of how I may feel at times I was indeed intelligent, often being called the "teacher's pet" throughout grade school.

"Besides we have two classes together, so I'll be right there with you."

This time the smile I gave him was genuine. I nodded, feeling a little better and he leaned in to kiss me. When I felt his tongue seeking entry to my mouth I separated my lips, greeting his tongue with mine. Our mouths moved together, doing a tango and before we could go any further a loud "ahem" startled us out of our haze. Abby stood by my side of the car when she cleared her throat to capture our attention.

"Not on school grounds you two. Let's go!"

We laughed before getting out and following behind, soon catching up to her. And just like that I was ready to conquer the world with my two favorite people. Janet, Jack and Chrissy (or Terry...Terry was more likable). Thick as thieves. _Three's Company_ fo' life!


	20. Chapter 20 - We Plan, God Laughs

I was having, what I could only later comprehend, as an elaborate dream. Something that made me feel light and happy. _Mmm_. Happy. That's a word I haven't been able to relate to for awhile, but in that moment it was all I understood. I'm not sure if I was flying, but I was surrounded by clouds. Not real clouds though. These clouds I could feel and they felt unlike anything I'd ever felt before. The best way I could even attempt do describe them is a mix between cotton and silk. That's a simple inaccurate description because I'm almost positive that there are no words in the English language to properly express the feeling so I'm currently thinking of learning another language that will allow me to do so.

I could feel the clouds everywhere. My head, my arms, hands, back, belly, breasts, hips, thighs, calves, knees, feet. Then suddenly there was a shift and I felt something else. Something inside of me. Literally. Like in my vagina. And that's when I began to wake up a little. _Shit. _I had fallen asleep on top of him again.

"Dammit, Fitz. Why didn't you wake me up?"

I'm somewhat OCD when it comes to hygiene, especially after sex. I usually always pee right after because I remembered reading it in some pamphlet I got from my OB/GYN a while back when my mom first found out I was having sex. I started to move so that I could get up but he had one of hell of a grip on me.

"5 more minutes, Liv." He groaned in my ear.

"Fitz—"

"One minute."

I hated when he did that. He used those words against me so that I would say yes and it worked. _Every time_. One minute was our thing. Even when we were just friends and needed a minute to collect ourselves. One minute was all we needed. Together.

"Ugh, fine."

I laid my head back down on his chest as he wrapped his arms around me, sighing deeply as I felt his muscles relax. I took the time to listen to the drumming of his heart, feeling his chest move at a slow up and down pace beneath my cheek. It was serene and I felt that happy feeling again. When a minute passed I pecked his Adam's apple to let him know that I wanted to be released and I tip toed to the bathroom to clean up. When I returned Fitz was still sound asleep and I rubbed his forearm to get his attention.

"Babe, come on. You need to shower."

His head popped up and he looked at me weird.

"You showered without me?"

I pursed my lips as if to say _boy, please_.

"Fitz, if you don't get your little tight white ass up, come on."

I pulled at his wrists and he slowly got up, pouting like a little boy. He was mad that I didn't wait for him but I knew he was tired and truthfully I didn't want him to initiate anything because I was almost certain that I was getting a UTI and that annoyed me.

"I'll let you feel me up at lunch, okay?"

He got this silly grin on his face, one that I was all too familiar with and I chuckled, shaking my head, only slightly, from side to side before spanking his butt.

"Hurry up."

* * *

"You okay?" Abby asked when I crossed my leg for the umpteenth time as we sat at a table in the library. Something we always did in between classes when there was a gap in our schedule.

"Yeah."

"Itchy?" Abby smirked and I gave her a death stare.

"Shut up, Abby."

"What did Fitz do?"

"It's not his fault. I just get so lazy afterwards and sometimes forget to clean up." I said with my face halfway buried in my book. I was a little embarrassed and spared the details of his penis still being buried inside me, though I knew Abby wouldn't judge. It was just in my nature to be bashful about these things.

"Yikes, think you may have an infection?

I nodded, rolling my eyes as I let out a huge sigh.

"Did you make an appointment?"

"This morning."

"I know it's aggravating, but it's no biggie. You'll be fine."

"I know."

"Hey, what are you two talking about?"

Fitz casually walked over to us, turning one of the wooden chairs around, straddling it as he leaned his arms against the back of it.

"About how you potentially gave your wife a UTI."

I sucked my teeth in Abby's direction and she laughed, shrugging innocently as if she didn't know what she did wrong. Without moving my head I looked at Fitz as he made an _oops_ face.

"I'm sorry, babe, I won't keep it in next time and I'll make sure you don't fall asleep."

I groaned dropping my face into the crevice of my book.

"Wait, you you left it?" Abby snickered.

"I think it's time for my next class." I got up to leave. I was officially mortified.

* * *

"Where'd you go?" Fitz asked as he sat beside me in Film History.

"Went for a walk."

"Are you mad at me?"

"No." I wasn't.

"I'm sorry, Liv. I just assumed you told Abby everything."

"It's not that, Fitz."

"What's wrong?"

"I don't know yet."

"Don't overdo it, Carolyn." He said, reminding me not to overthink whatever was going on in my mind as he massaged the back of my head for emphasis.

"Just shut up and look forward, _Thomas_." He smiled at me before giving the professor his attention. I didn't know what it was but I just couldn't shake this feeling I had.

* * *

"Okay, Olivia your results turned up negative. You do not have a UTI."

I sighed in relief. _Thank the good Lord above._

"I don't have to remind of what to do next time right?" She smiled a knowing smile and I blushed

"Right."

A knock at the door interrupted us and a nurse walked in handing over a sheet of paper. The nurse smiled at me before exiting and the doctor quietly mulled over the contents of the sheet.

"Hm." It was a sound that resembled an _oh okay _or a _so that's what going on _and it made me a little nervous.

"Is there something wrong?"

She looked up and smiled sweetly. "No, honey. Nothing's wrong." I sighed again, relief rushing over me.

"But you are pregnant."

"Wait, what?" _Surely_, I hadn't heard her right. There was _no way_ I'd heard her right.

"You're pregnant."

She showed me my blood work, congratulating me after explaining what determined that fact. I didn't know if I wanted to cry or smile. I didn't know if it would be a happy cry or a "I'm screwing up my life" cry. I was confused. Just _so_ confused.

* * *

When I arrived home I heard chatting in the kitchen, I thought to avoid it but I knew if I was left alone with my thoughts I'd go nuts so I took a deep breath and walked in to find Abby and Fitz talking.

"Hey, so are you good?"

"Yup, no UTI. I'm all clear."

"Great, Abby, you can leave now." He pushed my back against his chest, enclosing me in his arms and Abby playfully slapped his arm.

"Actually, babe, I need to talk to Abby for a second." I slid out of his embrace and he looked at me funny.

"Uh, okay."

I grabbed Abby's hand before she could say anything and led her into the first room we passed in the hallway.

"What's going on, Liv?

"I'm pregnant." I didn't think I'd blurt it out like that but that's what happened. No thought. No pause. I just said it.

"Whoa, seriously?"

"No, I'm kidding." My hands found home on my hips and I had a little attitude.

"How far?"

"A little over 4 weeks."

"I thought you were on birth control?"

"I was."

"So what happened?"

"When I had to switch phones I forgot to set up a new reminder for it so I neglected it and then with therapy and school, I just forgot about it. I know it's not an excuse but that's what happened."

"Well, it's not the worse thing in the world. It's not like you guys aren't set. You're married now, you live in a house large enough for _multiple_ kids—"

"Abby, we're 21." I cut her off, trying my best not to yell.

"So what?"

"My dad will freak."

"Liv, please, you know he'll be happy regardless. What's the real reason for your freak out?"

"I'm not fit to be anyone's mother, Abby."

"Olivia, you're going to be an amazing mother. Sure you have your issues but everyone does. That doesn't make you unfit."

I didn't have a response. The only thing I could do was cry. This was scary. Not only because of my issues but because I didn't feel ready. Our plan was to wait till after college and I began to wonder why we even bothered to make plans if this is what was going to happen anyway. Life seemed to just do what it wanted, screw our plans. I remember how my mom always used say _Wanna know how to make God laugh? Tell him all your plans._

So here I was crying on my best friend's shoulder while He laughed. Albeit, not maliciously but still. I was terrified of this entire situation. The whole process was foreign to me. The possible morning sickness, swelling of body parts, weight gain, mood swings, food cravings, and the big one: giving birth. I cried even harder at the thought muffling the sounds in her hair as she rubbed her small hand up and down my back.

"Shh, Liv, it's okay."

* * *

After dinner I decided to go straight to work on my homework, I needed time to figure out how I was going to tell Fitz. I wasn't sure how he was going to react. Though I can usually predict what he'll do or say this was different. We had never been in this situation before. Not even a scare. So I wasn't sure how to bring it up. I knew I couldn't just blurt it the way I did with Abby so I kept thinking of special ways to tell him. Knowing that random facts were his thing I thought I'd bring up a random fact about dads. So I laid against the headboard with my MacBook Pro in my lap, temporarily ignoring the tab that my essay resided on as I did a little research trying to find something to tell Fitz.

When he walked in from from the kitchen with two bottles of water, one for me I presumed, I closed my laptop and sat it in front of me. He placed the water bottles on the night stand then sat beside me. I took a small breath instead of my usual large inhale, not wanting him to ask what was going on before I could get a chance to tell him and I turned to look at him before I straddled his lap and he looked at me, smiling.

"Hi." He spoke softly and his hands were rubbing my bare thighs. I was only wearing a black t-shirt and cotton panties with ducks and rabbits on them. I took a moment to think about how I probably would need to upgrade my underwear collection if I was going to be someone's mother soon.

"Hi." I smiled and he leaned in to kiss my exposed collar bone. I saw that as my cue since he wasn't speaking.

"Did you know that the world's oldest 'Father's Day card' is a 4,000-year-old Babylonian tablet that a young boy named Elmesu carved to wish his father a long life and good health?"

I said it like I was proud. As if I were on _Jeopardy_ or _Family Feud_. He looked up in amusement, probably wondering when I possibly picked up his hobby or rather habit to share it. "No," He stopped to kiss the hollow of my neck then looked up at me again. "I didn't."

"That's cool, isn't it?"

"Yeah, it is pretty cool." He looked at me now a little confused and I took one of his hands from my thigh and slowly brought it to my still flat tummy and said:

"What kind of cards do you think you'll get from our kid?"

His eyebrows creased even further before I saw the light in his eyes twinkle with realization.

"Wha– Liv?"

I nodded my head, staring into his eyes trying hard to figure out what he was feeling.

"Are you sure?"

"I found out today at my doctor's appointment."

His face held a shocked expression as his right hand joined the left and he stared at my stomach as if there were visible evidence already.

"We made a baby." His voice was faint and I almost missed what he said.

"Are you happy?"

His eyes met mine again and he seemed to not understand why I would ask such a thing.

"Of course, aren't you?"

"Honestly? I'm a little scared and by that I mean petrified."

"I'm not." He reached for my face with one hand still holding on to my midsection.

"Actually, rephrase that. I'm scared as hell of what your dad is gonna do to me when he finds out," He laughed a little and I smiled. "But Livvie we're gonna be okay. I promise you."

He lifted my shirt and touched the skin around my navel. He pulled me into him and began to kiss my again. My neck, my ear, my cheek.

"I'm gonna be a daddy." He whispered then kissed my lips. He tugged at my shirt and I lifted my arms as he pulled it off of me leaving me in just my underwear. He kissed my nipple, then the other.

"Are they sore?"

I shook my head. "No."

Not taking his eyes off of me, he took my answer as permission to take my nipple between his teeth, roughly, but not enough to really hurt. Just enough to awaken my body and get an ache started between my legs. My eyes fluttered and my mouth opened about an inch. He moved my hips, grinding himself against me. I could feel myself becoming wet and I gripped that back of his head. My fingers latched onto his locks as he slipped his thumb passed the cotton fabric that shielded my pussy from his gaze and proceeded to play with my clit.

With one hand still clinging to his hair, I used the other to pull his cock out of the gray flannel boxers he was wearing. He was already hard as I wrapped my fingers around his length. He stopped his movements to push me up on my knees so that I could slip my panties off. After I did I tried to reposition myself back on his lap but Fitz stopped me. While on my knees, my pussy was perfectly leveled with his face and I could see him starting at it with intense eyes. With his hands on my butt, holding me in place he began to kiss my pussy as if the were the lips on my face.

I couldn't help myself from moving against his face, with his tongue inside of me and his nose brushing again my bud. My head fell back as my hands alternated between the headboard and the back of his neck. I could feel how wet I was against his face and I suddenly has the urge to see what mess I made. I looked down and he must have felt my gaze because he looked up at me. I loved it when he did that. I always found it to be so erotic whenever he looked at me while we were intimate. It made me want to crawl out of my skin and break free. Not in a "I need to escape" kind of way, but in a way that just made me feel like the pleasure of the moment was too much and I just didn't know how to handle it.

I was convinced that Fitz's love and his expression of that was something out of this world. That our connection was greater than us. Greater than anything tangible, but somehow to us, _for us,_ it was and I was grateful for everything thing he made me feel.

"Fitz." I was breathless and struggling to regulate my pounding heart.

"Hmm?" He hummed against my pussy and it was deliciously satisfying.

"Put it in."

"Put what in?" He slightly pulled back to stop but continued with pecks against my clit occasionally flicking his tongue against it.

I reached down to grip his erection and he allowed me to lower myself on to him. I was already so stimulated that when he entered me I released a straggled cry as I began to ride him. My face was buried deep in neck as his teeth grazed my shoulder. When we pulled away to look at one another he stared into my eyes.

"Don't be scared, Livvie."

I nodded and kissed him with everything in me. I could feel myself beginning to lose control and he placed his thumb against my lips and I took it into my mouth, sucking on it before he used it to rub circles over my clit. He latched onto my nipple again and that was all it took to send my body over the edge, convulsing. Soon after I could feel his body doing the same, as he grunted and moaned in my ear. When both of our bodies settled I moved to get up and Fitz tried to hold on to me by my arms.

"Fitz." I said, warningly. I had dodged the bullet once but that didn't mean I would the next time. A UTI is bad enough but a UTI while pregnant is not the way to go. He pouted and let me up so that I could clean up as I made him do the same before we got back into bed.

"What am I gonna do about school?" I asked as I rested my head against his chest. His hands were playing in my hair and it was one of my favorite things.

"What do you mean? Nothing's going to change. You'll just be walking around campus a little bigger than we intended." He chuckled.

"I'm serious, Fitz. Once I have the baby, I'm not gonna have to time for school."

"We'll worry about that in a couple of months. We'll get help, work out a schedule, but for now we're going to not worry about it. Okay?"

I sighed, not understanding how he could be so calm about all of this. I wish I could be more like him in that way. I worry entirely too much, having the tendency to think of the absolute worst. So I decided to adopt his way of thinking for the moment. Too tired to argue. "Okay."

"When should we tell your dad?"

I lifted my head to rest my chin in the same spot my head was and looked at him.

"Let's wait a couple of weeks, until we're out of the woods."

He nodded in agreement and he pouted again. "You think he'll be pissed?"

I laughed and held his face. "Probably, but he knows we didn't plan on this happening so quickly. He'll probably reprimand us, but he's really a softy and once I start to show he'll be talking about the things he'll be buying for his grand-baby."

I brushed my thumb against his lips and he kissed it before we got a little more comfortable, turning on our tv, picking out a movie to watch. Later I would freak out some more but for the time being I would allow myself to be carefree.


	21. Chapter 21 - Fetus Navidad

**A/N: Answers to frequent questions.**

**1\. Are Fitz and Liv trust fund babies? Yes. Both grew up rich. As you know, Fitz's mother left them the house (which had been paid off) along with a hefty lump sum of cash. **

**2\. What year of college are they in? Fitz, Liv and Abby are all seniors in college. The chapter where Liv had a birthday she turned 22 Fitz and Abby are just a few months younger. Though they are seniors this isn't their last year as they plan on gaining masters in their fields so they have another 1.5/2 years left. **

**3\. Do they have jobs? No. Due to their wealth there isn't a rush to work although career opportunities may come. **

**Alright, hope this helped! Enjoy :)**

* * *

We sat side by side on the bleacher style seats in the large classroom listening to our American Film professor. A couple of weeks had passed since I told Fitz that we were expecting and my hormones were in an array of waves; feelings all over the place. To put it lightly, I was extremely aroused. I picked up my phone and decided to send Fitz a text. He usually always kept his phone on vibrate and not on silent just in case of emergencies so when he turned it over to unlock his phone he saw my message.

**Livvie: my body's being super weird.**

**Fitz: what do you mean? **

**Livvie: promise not to laugh? **

**Fitz: babe, what is it?**

**Livvie: I'm so horny rn.**

Fitz laughed out loud. "What?"

he whispered.

I took a brief moment to purse my lips at him for laughing anyway. "I don't know if this is normal but I just wanna fuck you so badly." I whispered shyly in his ear.

Fitz looked stunned at my crass choice of words. When I talk about sex it's usually in a more delicate way. But I was just so hot for him.

"Olivia." He quietly scolded.

"Take me to the car." I half whined in his ear.

With wide eyes and raised eyebrows Fitz continued to stare at me as if I acted outrageously. I mean, I guess I sort of did. I had been a lot more horny lately and though I'm sure it was the pregnancy hormones that had me jumping out of my skin I still couldn't believe that I was asking him to fuck me in the back seat of his Chevy.

"Olivia, what's gotten into you?"

"You, in a few minutes." I replied and my own answer shocked me. "Sorry." I hid my face in my arms as my head rested on the desk.

He chuckled and rubbed my back. "Come on." He reached for my hand and I look up at him with narrowed eyes.

"Really?"

He leaned in to my ear as close as possible "Like I'd turn down a chance to sex up my wife in the back of my car in our campus parking lot."

I giggled and we grabbed our bags before heading out to the car.

xxx

"Babe, lift your leg."

I did as I was told and let out a big sigh once I felt the amazing sensation running from my core to my spine then back down to my toes. Thank God for Fitz's random facts because even though we were both just as experienced as the other he'd read up on different techniques and positions, always knowing how to heighten every one of our sexual rendezvous.

"Ssss" I hissed like a snake. "This feels so good."

"Bounce, Livvie."

I normally felt _super_ awkward when he'd request for me to basically jiggle my tits in his face but he knew that I was so turned on that I'd do or say anything so he was taking advantage of it. I bounced for a few beats then he grabbed a hold of my ass, grinding his erection into my panty clad pussy. I was only in blue cotton undies and his jeans were pulled down to his ankle. I gasped as he slid my panties to the side. He whipped out his member and smeared my juices all over that pretty pink cock of his. I moved up a little bit, my knees in the seats on either side of his hips and he slammed into me making me yelp.

"Baby." I breathed. It wasn't a beckoning. It was a request for comfort. I felt so emotionally connected and I needed to feel all of him, because the physical wasn't enough. As odd as that sounds. I needed to hear him. His thoughts projected into sound waves. The vibrations of his words hitting me in the most intimate places.

"Hi baby." He whispered reassuringly. As if to say "I'm here, I'm right here". I started to cry and even though I knew it was probably hormones, it still stemmed from all that I had gone through over the past few months. The self-harm and low self-esteem. I was now getting the chance to heal and it felt amazing in his arms. He kissed my neck then my lips when my head snapped back up. I whimpered and he took my nipple in his mouth. I kept trying to talk. I wanted to respond but he could tell I was struggling. He chuckled at me still moving smoothly inside of me.

"You don't have to say anything back baby. Just ride Big Papa." He laughed at himself and I slapped his arm.

"Don't joke." I half moaned.

"Just come for me, baby."

I moaned again and I tried to hold in my orgasm.

"Don't do that Livvie, let it _cum _out." He teased and I squeezed his shirt.

"Ouch." I whined a little. The orgasm felt amazing but the cramp in my back was messing it up.

"What hurts?" He stopped mid-orgasm, seemingly concerned and I grabbed his shoulders to calm down.

"I'm fine. Everything is fine. My back just hurts."

He rubbed my back. "You okay? Was I too rough?"

"No, it's just the way I moved, that's all."

Fitz kissed my breasts sweetly then my neck.

"I'm sorry, honey. I should be more considerate now that you're pregnant. You wanna lay down?"

"We have to go back to class." I began to get up but a sharp pain hindered me from doing so. "Ouch!"

"See, no, lay down. I'm gonna bring you home. We can get the work we missed later."

I nodded and let him redress me then lay me on to the back seat as he got in the front to drive. When we got back home he carried me to our bedroom where I promptly fell asleep. By the time I woke up moonlight was shining through into the room passing the sheer curtains.

"Fitz." I called. I didn't get an answer so I got up to find him. I smelled food so I knew that he was in the kitchen cooking, probably dinner.

"Hey sleeping beauty," he greeted when I walked up behind him.

"What are you making?" I hugged his back and took a breath.

"All your favorite." I opened my eyes and looked around seeing that he indeed was making all of my favorite breakfast foods. Waffles, scrambled eggs, hash browns, grits and toast. There was a lot of fruit too. Pineapples, grapes and strawberries.

"Breakfast for dinner." I smiled and he smiled back. "Thank you." I walked into a hug and he kissed my forehead.

"You're welcome."

"How long was I asleep?" I asked, walking over to the table.

"Uh..." He checked the time on the stove. "almost 4 hours."

"Oh my gosh, why didn't you wake me?"

"You clearly needed the sleep."

I looked up when he moved in front of me to put my plate in front of me. I watched him put his plate down then we both bowed heads and said a brief prayer.

"How do you feel?"

"Okay, my back doesn't hurt anymore."

"You think it's something we should mention at your next appointment?"

"No, I don't think it's that serious. Just a back spasm."

He nodded his head and we continued to eat. I was still tired and Fitz rubbed my arm before playing in my hair and kissing me. When we finished he suggested that we go lay down and watch a movie or something. My body was still in a state of exhaustion. He laid down, two pillows propping himself up and I laid beside him, cuddling up to his firm body. My face was buried in his neck and my leg was thrown over his midsection while my arm laid across his chest.

"Comfortable?" He teased.

I sighed heavily. "Very."

I laid quietly in his arms as he caressed my calf. We didn't say a word. We just listened to each other breath while the tv played softly in the background. I wondered to myself if we'd still be able to have these moments once the baby comes. I had so many questions about what to expect and though I could probably find a book on it, it just wasn't the same. I needed my mom. Fitz's mom. The thought made me sad and I chastised myself the minute I felt a tear fall. _Dammit. How many times and I gonna cry?_

"Babe," he lifted his head to look at my face and wipe my cheeks. "What's wrong?"

I opened my eyes and saw those blues boring into my soul. I couldn't say "nothing" or "I'm fine". We made a promise in therapy that we'd always be honest and straightforward, never bottling anything inside.

"I miss them. Our moms." He gave me a pained expression and I could tell that he hadn't realized it before but our baby as well as all of our future children will essentially have one grandparent. Sure Big Jerry's still here but he was barely present for Fitz. We didn't expect him to really be there for our kid. "I wish they were here. I'm so scared and confused about so many things."

"We'll be okay, Livvie. I'm scared too. I miss them too, but they left us with so much. That doesn't mean it's not going to be hell some days without them, especially with the little one is on its way, but we'll get through it."

xxx

"Fitz would kill me if he knew I was feeding you this."

"Fuck, Fitz. I'm grown."

"Oh yeah?" Abby asked and I nodded my head downward once making a face. "So then you won't care if I Snap you eating all of this?"

I grabbed her hand, the one with her iPhone attached and stared her down.

"Don't you dare." We were at In-N-Out Burger, I missed it so much when we were in Connecticut but was craving it even more now. I ordered a burger and fries, both animal style and a Neapolitan shake. I was stuffing my face while Abby ate her Flying Dutchman and some animal style fries of her own. I was supposed to be eating healthy but one meal wouldn't hurt. I wanted it so badly.

"I have to do my script." Abby said through chewed cheesy hamburger meat. Her major was Screenwriting, while Fitz and I were more focused on Directing and Producing with a minor in Cinematography.

"What are you writing about?"

"I don't even know yet."

"You want help?"

"That'd be great." She smiled but frowned when I sneezed and made a wincing face. "Are you in pain?"

"It's fine, just small sharp pains sometimes when I sneeze or move too quickly. According to Fitz and the books he's read it's normal. I still can't believe he's read so many already. I'm still on one."

Abby laughed a little. Fitz was going overboard with the baby books, even buying some on early childhood development. For toddlers. And our baby is still only a little bean. But truthfully, I didn't expect anything less from Fitz. He loves to learn and what's better than learning about your pregnant wife when you're the expecting father.

"So I have to tell you something."

I looked at Abby curiously, wondering what she was about to say.

"I met this guy and he's really sweet. I want you to meet him."

"Whoa, this is serious." My eyes widened and I was still stuffing my face as she continued to tell me about him. She was so animated, her hands molding into gestures as her face stretched into a sincere smile. It made me feel good to see her so happy. Sure she doesn't need a guy to do that, to make her smile, but it was nice to hear and I'm sure it was nice for her to feel. She deserved it after all her father put her through. Even if this guy wasn't "the one" he was a great step up for her. She needed to be 22, live a little. Live a lot. Not like she had a kid on the way. I wasn't bitter or anything. I mean I have a husband. A husband who makes me feel beautiful and wanted and loved. So, really. I didn't have anything to be bitter about. I guess I just wished I had a little more time before becoming a mom.

* * *

"Don't dump them all in there like that, Fitz."

"Why?"

"Your jeans are way too heavy, it'll break the machine."

"Livvie this is a brand new big expensive washing machine."

"Which is why you should treat it with care."

He sucked his teeth at me. "Fine."

It was Saturday and were doing the laundry. Our housekeeper, Vanessa usually only did the laundry for our linens while we washed our clothes. She had the weekends off and we always ended up having to wash some clothes so we mainly did it ourselves and she'd do it occasionally.

"I still think we should talk to a doctor about hospital plans."

"I wanna have the baby here, Fitz."

By my crazy request we decided that we would have a home birth, in one of the huge jacuzzi tubs. I had already found a doula that I was happy with and I was settled on following through.

"I know, babe, but I'm still not 100% on that."

"Why?"

"Natural birth with no medical aid makes me a little nervous. What if something goes wrong?"

"Well, if anything does happen we're still pretty close to the hospital."

"I just want you to be as comfortable as possible."

"I know and I appreciate that, but this is what I want." I pecked his lips.

"Okay." He rolled up the bottom of my camisole and kissed my belly, he was already sitting down so my navel was just under his lips. "What should we name her?"

We had decided, well I decided, that it would be a girl because I was just so sure. He didn't even fight me on it and I think it's because as much as he wants a son to roughhouse with and do other manly things, he also really wants a girl to spoil and fuss over, yet not to be confused with her mother. My daughter may be his princess but I'm his queen. And I don't care about how corny that sounds.

"Naima."

Fitz playfully rolled his eyes. "Still?"

I giggled. "It's a beautiful name, Fitz."

"You would have never thought of it had it not been that show." He was referring to _America's Next Top Model_. I loved the name ever since I saw Naima Mora, the model who won cycle 4. The name is beautiful to me it had so many wonderful definitions. In Arabic it means tranquil, in Swedish it means pleasantness and in Swahili it means graceful. I want that name for my daughter.

"You're right. It is beautiful and I think it's the perfect name."

I yawned.

"You tired, babe?" He lovingly patted my bottom.

"A little." I was lying and he knew I was lying. I was very tired but kept fighting my sleep.

"Livvie go nap. Naima needs her mommy to be rested."

I huffed and folded the last shirt and placed on top of the dryer with the rest.

"Fine, but don't leave all this here."

"I'll bring the clothes up. Go. Nap."

"Yes, sir." He kissed my cheek then my lips and grinned at me.

* * *

When I woke up from my nap it was still light outside and I wondered what time it was. My phone was nowhere to be found so I looked at the cable box and the time read 3:29PM. I had been asleep for almost two hours. I stretched and realized how hungry I was so I got up and walked down to the kitchen to find Fitz reading and drinking tea.

"Whatcha readin'?" I said as I swung open the refrigerator door to find something to snack on. He lifted the book so that I could see the title. The Baby Book by William Sears, M.D. and Marsha Sears, R.N. "Another one?" I scrunched up my face teasingly.

"I wanna know everything there is to know."

"I tried reading but I just became really paranoid." A lot of the books had information on how your baby could possibly be born with certain birth defects and I couldn't bare to read about it anymore. No one tells you about the crazy dreams you have when you're pregnant and my dreams were fueled by those damn books.

"I'll read for the both of us." He stood to wash out the empty cup and kissed my lips as I took some diced pineapples out of the fridge.

"You want real food?"

"No, I'll just wait for dinner."

"Abby's coming over with him right?"

"Yes and you're going to nice." I smiled. Fitz is cute when he's over protective. It made me think of how he'll be once Naima becomes a teenager. Fitz always behaved like the big brother when it came to Abby, especially after we discovered what she was dealing with at home. He just wanted to protect her and I understood.

"The minute he says something stupid I'm kicking the guy out. I don't care."

"Fitz." I warned.

"She can handle herself I know." I didn't want Fitz to make Abby feel weak or incapable of making her own decisions. The only time I would allow him to intervene is if a guy got violent. Then and only then does Fitz have my full permission to bash his brain in.

* * *

"So, Stephen, are you in school too?"

"Yes, I attend Loyola Marymount University for Screenwriting."

"Oh, what a coincidence, that's cool." I gushed looking between the two. I could see that Abby was a little embarrassed. I was acting like the doting mother and Fitz kept glaring at Stephen anytime his hand met hers.

"Well, we met at a party that the screenwriting department held and students from other colleges studying the same major were invited."

"That's so cute. Isn't that cute, Fitz?"

"Mhm." He said, as he took a sip of his water.

"Abby told me that you two are looking to be directors?"

"And producers. Fitz is thinking about becoming a certified cinematographer though." I lightly scratched the back of his head, playing with the hair there. "He's amazing at it." I watched him blush before removing my hand from my his neck to kiss it.

"Please excuse them, I would blame it on them being newly weds but they are always like this." Abby explained.

Stephen chuckled. "It's cool. They're great examples."

I giggled as I got up to clear the table. "Thank you, Stephen." Fitz was behind me holding onto my hips before he picked up their plates. "Desert?"

"No, actually we're gonna to a late movie." Abby gave me a face and I knew what she meant by "late movie".

"Oh okay, well come help me with me the dishes really quick." She rolled her eyes and excused herself, leaving Stephen alone with Fitz once he handed her the dishes.

"I'm having sex with him and that's final." Abby said the minute we entered the kitchen. She didn't even give me time to ask.

"Abby-"

"Liv, I'm a big girl. Besides we've been together for a few months now and I just… I want this."

I nodded slowly, as she helped me place dishes into the machine after I quickly rinsed them off.

"Okay. Fine. I get it. But please be careful and I'm not just talking condoms."

"He's a good guy, Liv. I don't know how I know, but I just know."

"Okay." I smiled.

Fitz was laughing when we entered the room. I was glad to see that they seemed to be getting along.

"Ready?" Abby grinned.

"Yes." Stephen smiled back and we walked to the front entrance and watched as he opened the passenger door for her before driving away.

"He seems nice." I smiled leaning against Fitz with my hand resting on his chest. We looked like a _real_ married couple standing in the doorway.

"He does."

* * *

Abby was spending most of her time with Stephen now so when I called her to go to the mall with me she told me she and Stephen had plans for the day. This was new for me. I guess I realized how much I take Abby for granted. So here I was in the dressing room with Fitz sitting on a white leather chair just outside my door. I didn't know what I was thinking. What made me think going shopping while my body is going through so much change would be wise. I couldn't fit anything. Everything was too tight and I refused to wear a bigger size. Fitz could hear me moving around huffing in frustration.

"Livvie."

"What?" I called from the dressing room.

"Babe, come here."

I reluctantly opened the door still wearing the tight fitting pants I walked to the chair. My hair was in a low wild bun and my glasses were perched up on my nose, sliding down a little as I looked at the socks on my feet.

"Baby." He called again so that I would look at him. When I did he saw the redness of my eyes and pulled me close to him. "Don't cry. You're beautiful." I sniffed and pushed my glasses up the bridge of my nose. "You hear me?" He whispered against my cheek. "You're beautiful." I nodded my head and we kissed briefly. "Wanna get ice cream?" He smiled and I grinned. He kissed my nose and stood us up so that I could go back into the dressing room and change back into my shirt and sweats, the only thing that would fit me and we were off.

* * *

"Thanks, baby. I love you much." I moaned as I scooped up the vanilla flavored ice cream. There were bite sized brownies filled with fudge inside and it titillated my taste buds so satisfyingly well. He watched me as I practically made-out with my spoon.

"You're welcome." He smirked.

"So I was thinking we could tell my dad next week for your birthday party. I'll be 3 months by then."

"Are you trying to ruin my birthday?" He laughed.

"My dad won't yell you on your birthday. It'll soften the blow."

"Whatever you think is best, Livvie."

"Abby keeps bothering me about a baby shower. She wants to be in charge."

"Let her."

"It's too early to be thinking about that." I pointed out.

Fitz laughed. "Good argument. Just let her plan it ahead. She's excited."

"Why do I feel like everybody is more excited than me?"

"You'll get there, babe. Don't worry about it." He stood up to throw out our mess and helped me out of my seat. We were on our way to my doctor's appointment. We were going to find out the sex of the baby.

* * *

"How are you?" The nurse walked in, greeting us with a huge smile.

"Great." I smiled widely and Fitz kissed the back of my hand.

He was a male nurse and I could tell that he was very young. Probably a new nurse. He took out everything needed for the ultrasound and got started. I was grateful for the fact that he warmed up the jell.

"The babies look very healthy." He said, chipperly. Fitz and I shared a look then looked at the technician.

"Twins?" Fitz asked.

"Yes."

I shook my head confused and couldn't believe that I was just finding out that not only one fetus was inhabiting my body but two.

* * *

"Fitz, twins?!" I walked around the bedroom in my bra and a pair of loose shorts.

"I guess I'm pretty good, huh?" Fitz joked. I threw a pillow at his head and he laughed. "Well, now we'll have two of each." We found of that they were fraternal twins. A boy and a girl. I admit, that did put some joy in my heart, but I was still scared to death. Two babies? What the hell? "Abby will be happy."

"Screw Abby. This is her fault." Abby joked that we would have twins often but I didn't think anything of it. I never actually thought it would prove to be true.

"What do you wanna name our son?" He asked once I sat pouting on his lap.

"I don't know."

"How about Noah?" I looked at him and smiled. _Noah and Naima_.

"I like that." I nodded, then corrected myself. "I love that."


	22. Chapter 22 - Sabotage Part I

**A/N: This chapter is little on the short side :P**

* * *

_7 months pregnant _

"I hate you."

"No, you don't."

"Yes, I do. You made me turn into a whale."

"Livvie, you're not a whale. Please stop saying that."

I could tell by Fitz's tone that he was really getting annoyed with me and the way I complained about everything but I truly didn't care. I was huge. I _felt_ huge. My feet were swollen and the babies never allowed me to sleep properly. I never imagined being pregnant could get this hard. I was almost always in pain and I couldn't be on my feet for too long. I constantly counted down the days until the twins would arrive. And _now_ I was crying.

"Livvie, stop crying." He pleaded.

"I'm sorry. I'm just so tired and I miss you."

"I know, babe. I'm sorry. I miss you, too. I'll be there first thing in the morning. Promise."

Fitz had been away on location, shooting his first his big film project. I was beyond proud but I hated not having him with me. I thought I would like it. Having some time to myself, some space. And I did. At first. But now it's just torture. I couldn't wait to wake up in the morning and see his face.

"What are you doing?"

"Laying down. I was trying to sleep before you called but these two are completely restless. I don't know if they're fighting or playing but I can already tell that they're gonna be a handful."

"Try putting me on speaker."

I rolled my eyes thinking his idea was dumb but I did it anyway. I moved around to get more comfy beneath the comforter, then let Fitz know the phone was at my belly and that he was on speaker.

"Hey, you two. It's daddy. I miss you. All of you, but can you calm down for mommy and let her sleep?" It happened almost immediately after he stopped speaking. They did as he asked and I could only feel light movement as opposed to the incessant wrestling I'd been experiencing from them all day.

"I don't know how you did that but it worked."

"Good. I'm glad. Get some rest, Carolyn."

"I love you, Thomas."

"Love you, more." He made a kissing noise into the phone which I usually hated but in this moment I couldn't help but do it too.

* * *

I wasn't sure at first of whether I was dreaming or if what I was feeling was real. I was sure that I felt hands. Warm calloused hands, but softer than usual. I felt them on my bare back, rubbing firmly up and down. The bigger I had gotten through my pregnancy the worse my back pain had become so this feeling was absolute heaven. When I opened my eyes, I realized that I wasn't dreaming at all and Fitz was holding me.

"Fitz!" I shouted, sleepily but it was evident that I was overly elated to see him.

"Hi, Carolyn." Fitz only called me by my middle name for two reasons: to get on my nerves or as a term of endearment. Lately it had been the latter and I felt so loved looking in his eyes.

"I know I sound like a broken record but I missed you so much."

"I missed you, too." He kissed my nose before leaning down to kiss my oversized belly.

"How've they been treating you?"

"They've been calm ever since our phone call last night. I guess daddy's voice does the trick."

"What are you doing today?"

"My dad is coming over."

I watched Fitz wince at the mention of my father. He wasn't his biggest fan right now. My dad has given Fitz the evil eye ever since we told him about the babies. I know he's worried that I'm too young and that I should be experiencing more of life before I raise children but he's slowly warming up to the idea.

"Should I brace myself for another tongue lashing about how I didn't wrap up?"

"No. I told him to play nice and that if he doesn't he's unwelcome."

Fitz raised an eyebrow, surprised that I spoke to my father that way, but then laughed when he remembered how short tempered I had become since the pregnancy.

"Stop laughing." I pouted, playfully.

"What are we doing with your dad?"

"He wants to take us shopping for the twins."

"Really?"

I grinned, nodding. It's not like we needed the money but it wasn't about that. My dad offering to buy clothes and other necessities for the babies meant so much to me. I understand that he's not happy about the timing but I'm glad that he's not allowing that to interfere with the love he already has for his unborn grandchildren.

Fitz guided me out of bed and helped me shower. One of the many other activities that had become strenuous for me. Fitz was rinsing me off when I felt his middle and forefinger playing along my slit. I moaned slowly, resting my forehead on his chest. I hadn't realized it at first but I was grinding against his fingers as I gripped his neck. He swiftly lifted me up and I gasped in surprise. He carried me over to the wooden bench inside of the shower and sat me down before spreading my legs wide open.

My eyes were closed as he continued to play with my pussy. He pressed on my clit at a sluggish, yet deliberate pace and my head met the marble wall as my mouth hung wide open. I opened my eyes and looked down when I felt his mouth on me, sucking on my bud. I looked into his eyes as he made love to me with his mouth and I felt dizzy. My thighs were quivering and I got hot all over. I was going to come and _hard_.

I was trying to push his face away but I was still moving against his mouth wanting more, not quite knowing how to handle it. He lifted my leg higher, pushing into my thighs, holding them up to keep them spread to his liking as he alternated between nibbling and sucking. He sucked harder, moving his face side to side and I lost it. My body shook and my head was spinning as everything went black.

When I came to, Fitz was kissing my pelvic bone, letting my legs down and rubbing the top of my thighs. He carried me out of the shower and dried us off. As we began to get dressed I looked at Fitz questioningly. I hadn't "pleased" him and his erection was still evident.

"Fitz..." I looked down at his member before he slipped on his boxers.

"Don't worry about me. That was for you." He bent over kissing my mouth. "Just for you."

I smiled against his lips promising myself that I'd do my best to fuck his brains out later. I was grateful for his giving heart, but I couldn't leave him hanging no matter how okay he was with not being satisfied sexually. I wanted him to be just as sated. It was important to me.

* * *

Dad was unusually quiet as we walked the isles of Carter's. Unsurprisingly Fitz was picking out everything he could get his hands on. He's always been much more into fashion than me, my manly fashionista. I watched him as he eagerly showed me the matching outfits he'd found, grinning like a maniac and I giggled at the sight. I turned to see my father sitting on the bench beside me in deep thought.

"Dad."

He broke out of his daze and faced me.

"What are you thinking about?"

He took his time answering as a slow sad smile spread across his face. "I wish your mother were here."

I shared the same sad smile, understanding his sentiment. "Me too."

"She would have loved shopping for them or knitting booties for their little feet." He laughed lightly and sighed at the thought. "I'm sorry." He said looking at Fitz placing teething rings in the cart.

"Why?"

"I shouldn't have yelled at you. I never apologized and I'm sorry. You're an adult and I shouldn't have treated you like a child."

"But I'm _your_ child and I understand your concern. I didn't want this so soon either, dad but it happened."

"Fitz seems to be excited."

I looked back at my husband holding up a little tiny jump suit and I smiled, subconsciously rubbing my belly. I was so nervous about having kids but Fitz allowed me to let go and not worry so much.

"Yeah."

"You'll be great parents and I'll be there every step of the way to do anything I can to help."

I looked at my dad, tears welling up in my his eyes and I grinned, leaning over to kiss his stubbly cheek. "Thanks, dad."

* * *

"Mmm, that feels amazing." Fitz was rubbing my back with some hot oils he'd gotten on his trip and I was in paradise feeling his big strong hands knead into my soft flesh. I was lying on my side, shirt off in my sunny yellow panties. I was somewhat possessed when I reached for his hands, tugging so that he could move close to me. I turned my head a little, reaching for his lips and kissed them gently at first but then aggressively when I felt his tongue teasing my lips.

Fitz pulled away looking at me with such desire, I felt a throbbing between my thighs and reached down into his pjs to grab onto his growing cock. He bit my bottom lip in response and I whimpered.

"Fuck me." I whispered in such an innocent tone that is almost sounded wrong, but even I have to admit that it sounded sexy.

"Fuck?" He chuckled into my neck. I usually requested for him to make love to me but that's not what I wanted. That's not how I wanted to be handled.

"Fuck." I whined.

He lifted my leg over his knee and moved my panties to the side before he eased into me. I hissed at the feeling and he picked up the pace. He twisted my nipples and I gripped his hip, our breaths quickening as I could feel his heartbeat against my back. High pitched screams left my mouth as he grunted in my ear. He reached between my legs and ferociously rubbed my clit as he pounded into me. My orgasm was building up and I held on to his arm as my entire body tingled.

* * *

"Fuck me?" Fitz teased.

I laughed into chest as we cuddled. "Don't tease me."

"But it was _so_ sexy." He teased more.

"Leave me alone, Thomas." He smiled and brushed the apple of my cheek with his thumb.

"You sure you're up for tomorrow?"

"Yes. I'm not skipping out because I'm pregnant. It's my project too."

I was producing a small independent film on campus and tomorrow would be the first day of production. The script was amazing and the cast was full of raw talent. I believed in this project with all of me and there was no way I'd miss out on it.

"Okay, but the minute you feel any pain, you call me."

"Yes, daddy." I playfully batted my eyelashes, kissing the tip of his nose.

"I'm serious, Liv."

"I know. Don't worry, okay?"

He took my arm into his hands, his fingers running over my now visible scars, I stopped hiding them long ago. I wanted to ask him what was on his mind but I was afraid to. I didn't want to know. I always came across calm whenever he'd study my scars for long periods of time but in truth I was panicking. He always had this look on his face, like he was fighting tears. It was unsettling to see him in such a state of emotion.

"When's your next appointment?" Had he not been staring at my scars this whole time I would have thought he meant ultrasound but I knew he was referring to my next therapy session with Dr. Franklin.

"Tuesday."

"It's going well?"

He asked me this every time, maybe thinking my answer would change, but it never did.

"Yes." He stayed quiet for a while, his hands moving on to my belly and I was grateful that his focus was no longer on my past habit. Or so I thought.

"You won't do it again right?" His tone was serious and his eyes were glistening. I took his face into my hands and made direct eye contact so that he wouldn't second guess what I was about to say.

"I won't. I promise you and I promise these babies. They need their mommy happy and healthy and I'm making sure of that."

He kissed my forehead, nose and lips before placing one last lingering kiss right above my navel. He turned me over into a comfortable spooning position and I was grateful for the babies' calming nature as I drifted off. I was half awake but I could still hear Fitz's faint voice saying:

"I love you."

* * *

I was so proud of Abby. Did I mention that she's the screenwriter of the project I'm producing? Well, she did it all on her own and in all honestly I expected nothing less. The script was about a group of college kids going through their individual struggles while trying to navigate the world together. It was loosely based on our lives and even though Abby was afraid to write about me I told her that wanted her to. There are so many girls, even boys, out there harming themselves. Our stories need to be told over and over until we're blue in the face. They are important. _We_ are important.

"You really think it's that good?" Abby bit the inside of her lip, looking at me nervously. We'd just finished the first table read with the cast and I was so excited to get the ball rolling.

"Abby, it's better than good. Stop worrying. You're a gifted writer."

Abby smiled bashfully. I know she's still affected by her father's abuse. When Abby would write in high school he'd always say the most awful things to her. Tearing her down every chance he got. We've all spent the past few years rebuilding her confidence. It'd be ridiculous for her to think that she's anything short of a amazing.

"We picked well, right?"

"Absolutely, the cast is perfect."

"Thank you, Liv."

"For what?"

"For being like a sister to me, for always supporting me, for never giving up and for bringing Fitz into my life. He's the brother I never had and the closest thing I've had to a loving father figure. You two are the best friends I could have ever asked for."

"You're being sappy and I'm pregnant. You know what that does to me." I said, tears already rolling down my now slightly chubby cheeks. Abby wiped my tears, kissing my temple.

"Get used to it, babe."

* * *

"Fitz, I'm hungry." I whined.

He looked up from a screenplay he was reading and gave me a look.

"No."

"But why?"

He knew I was asking for chocolate. I'd been stuffing my face with chocolate a lot lately but my doctor warned me to slow down.

"You know why."

"But I only want a little bit. What if you put it on some strawberries?" I smiled innocently, trying desperately to convince him to feed me the milky sweet treat.

"No, but you can still have the strawberries."

I pouted and attempted to fold my arms above my expanding belly.

"Fine."

A couple of minutes later Fitz came back with the fruit in hand. When I took the bowl from him I saw that he lightly drizzled chocolate syrup on the berries and I squealed.

"Thank you, Tommy!" I kissed his mouth with such force that it made a smacking noise and he laughed.

"You're welcome, baby."

I dug in, clearly not caring how unattractive I looked. I was enjoying that damn food. Mouth full, I looked up at Fitz and he smirked.

"I'm beginning to think I'm not feeding you enough."

"It's them. They're greedy." I declared, refusing to own my gluttony. He leaned in and kissed my tummy, whispering to the babies.

"Don't worry, I know it's all mommy."

I playfully shoved him and he chuckled at my childlike expression. I finished eating and he took the bowl into the kitchen, dropping it off in the sink before coming back to bed. We laid down, spooning as usual.

"How ya feelin'?"

"I'm okay."

"No dreams?"

I stiffened and he rubbed my arm.

"Livvie, talk to me."

Since the my second trimester began, the reoccurring dreams I usually had of my mother increased and a couple of times I woke up crying scaring Fitz half to death because he wasn't sure if it was just me or if something was wrong with the babies.

"I'm not having them anymore, Fitz."

"Liv–"

"Babe, please can we just go to sleep."

"Just promise me you'll at least talk to Dr. Franklin about it."

"Okay." I knew that my 'okay' was in vain because I didn't have any plans to speak about my dreams with anyone. At least not anytime soon.


	23. Chapter 23 - Insecure

A/N: I know, I know. SO super sorry for the wait. I've got a few things going. You know how life gets lol. Anywho, hope you all enjoy :)

* * *

"Baby, no. We don't have anyone to watch the twins."

"Abby said she'll do it."

"Abby has a big project due, Fitz."

"Which she said she'd be more than happy to take a break from."

I huffed, folding my arms over my bigger than normal bosom. The twins were now 8 months old and I was still going strong with breastfeeding. We hadn't had a night to ourselves since the twins' arrival so I couldn't lie and say that I wasn't looking forward to a date night but I've also been nervous. The most annoying part about my nerves is that I wasn't really sure what I was nervous about.

"Babe, why don't you wanna go out?"

"Fitz, it's not that... I just—this body. it doesn't feel like my own anymore."

"Livvie, I hate to break it to you but your body hasn't been yours for a while."

He bit my neck and reached beneath my shirt to play with my navel.

"Fitz, I'm serious!"

"Me too." He reached for my boob and I pushed him away.

"Babe," I gave him a look and he sobered up.

"I'm sorry." He kissed my hand. "Baby, you're beautiful. You know that."

"I know. I just don't feel comfortable or confident right now."

I wasn't anywhere near fat, but my butt had gotten plumper and as I already mentioned my breast were fuller. My hips seemed wider and I now had thunder thighs.

"Look at me."

I focused my eyes on Fitz' as I watched him kiss the exposed skin of my breasts.

"Nothing I say will matter." He was right. Nothing he said would make me feel good about myself. It needed to come from me first.

"But I refuse to continue to watch you sit here because I know you want to go have fun. Even if all we're doing is seeing a movie and getting ice cream. You've given yourself to me and the twins so much these past few months and I really think you just need to focus on yourself some more."

I knew where Fitz was coming from and I agreed but it wasn't about me right now. The twins are still babies.

"But—"

"Just because the twins are babies doesn't mean you have to neglect yourself."

I opened my mouth to talk again but I just ended up closing it, stumped that he always knows what I'm thinking. I squinted at his smirk and rolled my eyes.

"Fine. You're right."

* * *

I'm so glad Fitz talked me into going out. As soon as the foreign night air hit my skin I felt alive. _Damn, has it really been that long? _Babies take up so much of your time! Honestly, I don't mind. I love them. But I hadn't realized how much I'd really forgotten how to live since they've been born. We're so young and I get why dad didn't want us to have babies so soon. Aside from us having to finish college. Our social lives have been shot to hell.

"Did you like the movie?"

"It was intense."

Fitz laughed. "Yeah. It was."

"But yes. I liked it."

"How are you?"

He looked down at me as we walked to the car. His question caught me off guard and it was clear that he was concerned.

"I'm fine, Fitz."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah."

"You've taken on a lot. You spend most of your time with the twins nowadays I just wanna make sure you're okay. Make sure you're happy."

"I am happy." I made a face, still not getting where this was coming from.

"Liv..." His voice trailed and I wondered where this was going. "I heard you last night."

My brows met in confusion until the figurative light bulb went off in my brain and I remembered that I'd called Abby crying.

"Babe, everything's fine, really. I was just having a moment, that's all."

"Why didn't you come to me?" He gently squeezed my hand as we stopped in front of the car. His voice was heavy and I wished he wouldn't worry so much.

"Fitz, you were sleeping and you'd had a long day. Abby happened to text me while I was feeling overwhelmed so I called her."

"What are you overwhelmed about?"

I internally rolled my eyes. I didn't want to have this conversation. I needed Fitz to think I had this all under control, not ripping at the seems. I couldn't tell him that I was starting to feel lost. That I was drowning. That I barely have any friends, besides Abby, or go anywhere unless its for the twins. Then that brought me back to the real reason I didn't want to go out tonight. Not because I didn't want to but because I figured that I'd forgotten how to have fun. I knew he'd pick up on my mood sooner or later. But damn do we have to talk about this shit? _Ugh! _

"Livvie. I know you don't want to but we have to."

"Can you leave my mind alone for one second?" I smiled and so did he.

"Nope. If I don't try to read it every once and a while we'll never get anywhere." I smashed my lips together, feeling self-conscious as I looked around to see other people walking by. "What happened to us? You used to talk to me. About everything. Literally."

He was right. After all Fitz has known me my whole life. Only other person who's known me that long is my dad and he doesn't even know me as well as Fitz does. This is the man I used to play in the dirt with. Climb trees with. Skip class with. For as long as I can remember we've done everything with each other. When he was just a boy with a silly grin and I was just a girl with a broken heart. At 17 my heart had been broken. Losing my mom is the hardest thing I've ever had to deal with and Fitz was there. Every step of the way he was there.

"I feel alone." I finally expressed. "I have the twins and they help, but they're also a handful. They need so much from me and sometimes I feel like I have nothing to give them." Fitz started to rub my arms and the dam bursted. "I'm sorry."

"Shh." He pulled me into his chest, kissing my forehead and rubbing the back of my head. "Come on, let's go home."

* * *

After a quick shower I walked out into our bedroom to see Fitz playing with Naima while my sweet Noah laid asleep against my pillow.

"Hi princess," I greeted, getting closer. She clapped her hands, something she does a lot now and squealed loudly.

"Good thing he sleeps so hard." Fitz nodded to our little boy and I looked at his little belly rising and falling.

"I know." I giggled taking off my towel, something I immediately regretted doing in front of Naima. Right away her little hands made a grabbing motion and her mouth moved to make up words of her own.

"Are you hungry sweetheart? You want mommy?" Fitz cooed. She then began to throw a fit and I threw on a pair of panties before sitting down to take her. She latched on and closed her eyes as she had her fill.

"She's gonna be fat." I joked, stroking the soft hairs on her little head.

"He still giving you trouble?"

For some reason Noah wasn't latching a few weeks back. Sometimes he would only drink a little bit, other days he'd drink nothing. It worried us but we spoke with our doctor and figured out what had been going on and fixed it.

"Nope. He's feeding regularly." I smiled, looking down at him. "Okay, she's done."

"Is she sleeping?" He peeked. I nodded as I stood up and Fitz picked up Noah, following me into the nursery. We placed them down in their cribs before turning on their nightlight. We went back to bed and I saw Fitz staring. That's when I realized I still had nothing on but underwear.

"My bad." I laughed. He grabbed my arm before I could fully turn to our closet and spoke lowly.

"Let me kiss one."

"Babe, not tonight. They're really sore." My boobs were engorged and the feeling was beyond uncomfortable.

"I'll drink some." I raised an eyebrow and he quickly finished. "You know to relieve the pain."

"I don't know, babe. That's kinda weird." I smiled in amusement. Was he really asking to be breastfed?

"Okay." His shoulders slumped and I wasn't for one minute convinced that he had let it go so I rolled my eyes and sat on the bed, making myself comfy against the pillows. I patted the bed for him to come and he didn't even try to hide his excitement as he nestled between my legs. He laid his chest against my tummy and the feeling of his rigid body was a welcome sensation.

He stretched his neck and looked up at me as his mouth enclosed around my areola and began sucking. He closed his eyes as I played in his hair. Sure the moment was odd at first but it was deeply intimate and something about literally feeding my husband got me a little hot. But I didn't say that. That's weird right?

He moved on to the other boob and instead of being mesmerized this time I tilted my head back and reveled in the temporary relief I was being given. When he finished he let go and kissed between my breasts.

"I guess all of you tastes good." I looked down and he was now kissing his way down my body. He stopped at my panties and inhaled. I was wet and it was very evident.

"Is that what you like, Livvie? You like giving your man some milk?" He gripped my hips and I bit my lip in an attempt to keep calm when I felt how sporadic my breathing had become. With his strong hands, he slid my panties down my thighs and I bent my legs to make it easier for him to remove them. "Answer me." His voice rumbled against my thigh and I gasped when he pulled me down squeezing my thighs against his face as he devoured my clit.

"Oh my—_fuck!_"

"Tell me, baby." He demanded gruffly, continuously licking my bud with the tip of his tongue. The feeling was fucking amazing and I involuntarily began to buck my hips. A few minutes ago I would have been embarrassed to admit that breastfeeding him turned me on but at this point I didn't care.

"Yes, daddy. I like it." That must have been his cue because as soon as those words left my mouth he stuck his tongue down as far between my folds as he could and tongue fucked me until I came all over his face. Out of breath, I watched him kiss his way back up my body until he reached my mouth. We made out for awhile and I felt Fitz's hand play with my opening.

"_Oh._" I moaned. "Fitz." I gasped when his finger delved a little deeper but still not quite all the way. He was rubbing my g-spotand it made me want to fuck him silly.

"What does my queen need?"

"Fuck me." The rest was a blur. An amazing blur, but a blur none the less. After we both cleaned up we cuddled up and fell asleep.

* * *

"So how was your date last night?"

"It was nice." I smiled a little too goofily and Abby shook her head.

"I hope you guys didn't do it in a public place... _again_."

"That was one time!"

"At a party. In a stranger's house."

"We were drunk."

"As fuck."

We both bursted with laughter at the memory of that night. It was our first house party and things had gotten out of hand, but dammit it was fun!

"So you guys had a good time."

"Yeah. We did. Thanks so much, Abbs."

Abby waved me off.

"I'm always available to watch my niece and nephew."

"Yeah until you marry David and leave me." I pushed out my bottom lip.

"Liv, shut up. I'm not gonna _leave_ you. Or marry David."

I gasped.

"Abby."

"Liv, I really don't know if I wanna marry him."

"Well you don't have to." I'm quiet for a moment. I can feel that the mood has changed. "Abbs, did something happen with you two?"

She wouldn't looking at me so I knew whatever she had to tell me was huge. She finally looked at me after what seemed like forever and said:

"I think I might be pregnant."


End file.
